This was Gabi’s question this morning after I came into the bathroom to find her standing there in her pj’s, playing with things in the sink instead of taking the shower I’d told her to go take. First-of-all, I don’t think “yell” is the proper term for what I said to her, but if that’s her perception of the tone of my voice, I’ll just go with it. And this is was my answer;
“When you don’t follow the instructions I’ve given you and I find you wasting time, you take away my choice to say, ‘Good job, Gabi!’ Instead I’m left with only things like, ‘what are you doing?’ or ‘Gabi, I told you to go take a shower’ and then you feel like I’m yelling at you. I don’t like it when you take away my choice to tell you how great you’re doing and instead have to tell you AGAIN to do what you KNOW you’re supposed to be doing.”
She didn’t particularly like the answer, but it’s the truth. Kids take away the possibility for us to tell them what a great job they’re doing. I’m sure there are those that disagree. I suppose I could give such praise as, “Great job disobeying! You’ve got that DOWN!” Or “You are SO good at doing the opposite of what I’ve asked you!”. But that just seems like it would mess with their heads more than straight up, stern-voiced reminding.
Doing the Dance of the Children~
- Awesome post - and so true!! And you're setting her up for a really great career, because it happens at work ...
