“No” parenting
November 16, 2007
Thanks for all of the “You are NOT sick” comments! They worked! I felt fine today.
Today, I met with the great ladies from my Bible Study and we had an interesting conversation about parenting. We are all like-minded in many things and have found that we are in the minority when it comes to “no” parenting. We are finding that all around us, parents are putting children above themselves and family and saying “yes” to every whim and want. While children are a great blessing and should be cherished, it does them a great disservice to ALWAYS indulge their wants. BUT, it’s easier to just say “yes” than it is to actually parent. I find that at every age level parents are giving, giving, giving. Children are missing out on great character building lessons and life skills. Instant gratification is becoming the norm and kids are not able to look forward to earning a privilege or reward. One of the hardest parts about standing firm on this issue is that other parents bombard the “no” parent as being “mean” or “not caring”. I’ve personally had parents look at me with great pity and say things like, “if you didn’t have such a large family, ’so-and-so’ would be able to attend ’such-and-such’”. Here, they assume that it’s lack of monetary resources or me being spread too thin to indulge my child. This makes me want to tear wads of hair from my head and scream that it’s about the actual parenting and not the money! Geesh! Admittedly, it’s a fine balance. Kids DO need special time and special things…….sometimes. But I feel strongly that everyday events have become blown out of proportion and that the simple things in life are rapidly being lost. It takes a conscience effort to throw more time and love into each moment and to spend time TRULY parenting. I pray we all do the job we are called to do with great zeal and confidence. And I wish each of us luck in standing firm in the face of adversity. “NO” is a powerful tool.
Good night~
7 comments
Hoppy that you are feeling much better today. I put a “hex” on you but froggot to put one on myself.
Loved your blog. It does say alot. Two important words that caught my eyes, and by the way I fully agree. “Sometimes” and “NO!” I’ve been working on that NO for years now. <:)
Have a great Friday. Love to all.
I know what you mean…. it is hard to say no. Thankfully, Josh and Joe LOVE being at home and just playing in the yard or at the park so they aren’t begging me to do all the things we get asked to do each week — ice skating, roller skating, dinner out, movies, etc, etc. Finding a balance for Christmas presents is what we’re facing now. The boys are asking for everything from an Iphone, to a WII (at age 6&8) — they say “if Santa bring us “xxxx” will you let us have it?”. I say, “I don’t think Santa is going to bring an 8 year old an Iphone”…. I love it when Santa can be the fall guy.
Well said.
XoXo
As a teacher………….man do I wish more parents thought like you! No is a very powerful word in my classroom, and I end up with some disappointed kids sometimes then I get to repay them by teaching them a life lesson. Gosh……….I really love my job!! I love this topic!!!
Love You!!!! xo
Oh, this dilema, i thank you for sharing this experience.
i know how this can be. Choosing simplicity and Reason, and having others pitty your choices for Made Up reasons. Just goes to show if we haven’t the courage and respect to ask and communicate with eachother honestly we’ll stay in this holding apttern of confusion. “Come Holy Spirit”
my link is to a mainstream article seemed fitting.
Love you Jen
xo
I know EXACTLY what you mean! I am just getting to experience it for the FIRST time! Sophia is becoming more and more headstrong and demanding. I am glad she is independent, but at the same time she will look me straight in the eye and do exactly what I am saying NO to. It’s so hard when they make those cute faces or come and snuggle. They know exactly how to disarm us it seems. I love my girl, but I already see the many challenges that are ahead. I know there will come a day when I will hear, “So and so’s mom let’s her do it.” or “You never let me do anything you’re so mean!” I can’t wait! Thank goodness I have two sisters and many friends and relatives who will be able to help me out when I get frazzled. As for the people who critize those of us who say NO to our kids, um do they realize by saying YES all the time for EVERYTHING that these children will grow up thinking this is the way things are only to be thoroughly disappointed when they don’t get into the school they want, or the job they want, etc. It has NOTHING to do with a financial situation. There is only one reason we say NO,…it’s called LOVE.
” “NO” is a powerful tool. ” I find the last sentence of this blog to be Extremely “powerful” as it is true in any walk of life. It takes courage and respect, of self, as well as the person you are dealing with, whether it be a child or otherwise, to say “No” when it is necessary.
Thank you for taking your job as a mother seriously! Truly. Your kids are already beautiful people but are being made more so by the way you are raising them. I LOVE YOU xoxoxo
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