Learning Lessons #4

This is a lesson I’ve been working on for awhile. It has taken a bit of experimentation and observation. But, I feel pretty confident about it. Bigger kids/teens need positive physical contact. It can change their mood and how they respond. Think about when our kids are little. We are constantly picking them up and kissing them or squeezing their sweet, little bodies. We nurse them and hold them and rock them. Then, suddenly there comes an age where physical contact goes by the wayside. They stop pulling at our arms and stop saying, “hold me”. But, they still need it. They just stop vocalizing it. Think about seeing teens or middle-schoolers and how they greet one another. They usually give each other a hug. Hugging becomes a big part of showing friendship and acceptance. One of my children stopped asking for hugs or being held pretty early on, because they became a “big” sibling at a young age and soon had 2 and 3 younger siblings who were demanding my attention. I started to realize that when this child became grumpy and even mouthy, that I could “love” them out of it. Clay and I started grabbing this particular child, every time they got “poopy” and giving them a big hug and saying something kind or even silly and it made all the difference. But truly, the best example, in our home, has been with one of our teens. This kiddo had become sullen, mouthy and even violent. The times that I could remember to speak softly and give a hug (sometimes under the guise of being silly) instead of yelling back and threatening extra chores, worked out WAY better. I even involved the other kids and would say, “That’s it! Everyone hug” So and So. This always diffused the tense situation. Now, I’m not saying that it’s the solution to all problems (that’s a drink of water) but, it is something to keep in mind on a daily basis and when you just don’t know what to do with your older child or teen. A hug can never hurt and it may even give you the minute you need to think of a solution that doesn’t involve yelling. Do I remember this all the time? Heck no! But, it’s a lesson that I keep revisiting and I’m always more pleased with the result when I DO remember.

So, lesson #4-Big kids need hugs and positive physical contact even though they may not voice it.

Have a great day~