Learning Lessons #5
By mommy of many™. Filed in attitude, children, encouragement, family life, frustrating, ideas, kids, lessons, mom, sharing |Tags: attitude, children, encouragement, family life, frustrating, ideas, kids, lessons, mom, sharing
As I go through each day, giving out instructions and requests, I’ve realized that kids have to be told every detail of the task they are asked to perform. You can’t just say to an 8 year old, “go take a shower”. Instead, it’s necessary to say, “Go take a shower. Take all of your clothes off. Make sure you use body wash on your body and shampoo on your hair. Be sure to rinse all of the soap off of your body and all of the shampoo out of your hair before you turn the water off. Please don’t forget to use warm water.” Then you will get a clean child. Otherwise, it’s likely that you will get a well-watered child, but not a clean one. I know for a fact that I have at least one child that did not use body wash or shampoo in the shower/bath until asked about it and then being instructed to do so. It’s not just hygiene that must be spelled out. I’ve had to tell older children to take the younger child/children outside and to watch them play or play with them and to please make sure that they know where they are at all times and to be sure that they do not go into the street. The funny part about these detailed instructions is the response you get if it’s not laid out in every detail and then you point out what’s going wrong;
Mom- “So-and-So!……..The baby is in the street and you’re not supposed to let him be in the street.
“Kiddo- “I know”
Hmmmmmm………really?! Yet those same, older kids will start to cut you off when you are trying to lay out the details, by saying (the ever-present), “I know”. But they will later defend their behavior by saying, “You didn’t tell me I had to do that.”
Yep, it’s an ugly cycle, but bottom line, we have to lay out all the details so that they know, for sure, what they are supposed to do.
So, lesson #5 is; Children need things spelled out for them in as much detail as can be provided.
Have a great day~
Friday, January 4th 2008 at 1:12 pm |
Do you have Gabi on “the list” for washing dishes already?????
Friday, January 4th 2008 at 3:16 pm |
I know!
Ha!
-Pilar
Friday, January 4th 2008 at 7:15 pm |
Baffling, yet completely normal in my life. Spell it out. And spell it out, I do.
I laugh about the insane use of the word “technically” in my house. When my son gets caught in a lie (i use that word lightly), he says, “Technically, it isn’t lyinng when . . .” Or when he doesn’t do something, “Technically, you didn’t tell me not to . . . ” Not only does my son use this word – my husband does too. Who taught them this? And why didn’t I ever hear a lesson about this word? Technically, mom can use that word too. LOL
Friday, January 4th 2008 at 8:44 pm |
sometimes, even the husband needs it spelled out!
Friday, January 4th 2008 at 11:32 pm |
This is another really great one. We’ve also found that it makes a difference to have a list that goes along with a set of routine tasks. (Our oldest son is autistic, and didn’t have the auditory memory he needed for long lectures on doing things correctly.)
We had a list for “Get up and get ready”, a waterproofed one that hung in the shower for a few years when he was learning that one, and another one that was for bedtime. Come to think of it my younger ones probably would benefit from a return to those lists…I wonder where I put them?
We also had a detailed list of behavior that would get you sent to your room for awhile, and visitors would see it and comment on what a great idea it was. It also explicitly stated that we would invite visitors who didn’t follow the rules to go home. (urban neighborhood and all, y’know…) Ha!
Saturday, January 5th 2008 at 1:08 pm |
Hello Jen,
I knew it deep inside me, applied it to my stepsons …but because of this “ever-present ‘I know’” (Jen), I’ve often felt like I was saying banalities…”after all, they are old enough, they understand…”
But you’re right…they need to be told everything…from now on I won’t care about the “COme on Christine, I know…I’m not stupid..”
Thanks for writting down this lesson..
Sunday, January 6th 2008 at 7:51 am |
It’s so true! Now all you need to get them to do is actually listen to those details. =)
Love You!
Sunday, January 6th 2008 at 1:11 pm |
Yes! I’ve found this to be so true! And it’s also true for getting them to do things they don’t want to do. Instead of “Come here!” if I say instead, “Take one step toward me, okay, now another…etc.” somehow they are bewitched into coming — I wonder why breaking something down into steps gets such good results? It does tend to calm me down, too.