Response and Continuing Update
By mommy of many™. Filed in Aspergers, children, family life, frustrating, homeschooling, ideas, kids, lessons, mom, parenting, school, schooling, thanks |Tags: children, family life, homeschooling, kids, mom, Mommy of Many, mommyofmany, MommyofMany.com, parenting, school, schooling
I wanted to take a minute to address some of the comments I’ve received about the on-going issue of undone school work and my kiddo who isn’t happy with school. I’ve had several thought-provoking responses and I think they deserve to be responded to.
In my 21 years of parenting I have approached schooling in many ways. I’ve had children in public schools and in the private school system. There was also a time when we were frequently moving because of military orders and it made sense to take schooling into my own hands at some points during those moves. There have been issues with the way a child learns or how to best help them glean the knowledge that’s within all those text books and I chose to bring a child home for a year and 1/2 to try to find the holes in their learning, plug them and get the child back into the classroom setting. We’ve worked with tutors and learning centers along the way. In my journey through parenting and schooling I’ve had to face something head on-when choosing to homeschool, both the child AND the parent have to be considered. I have had to be honest enough with myself to face the fact that I am not a parent that is well-suited to homeschooling. I have neither the time nor the space to give it the solid attention that I desire and that it deserves. It’s been a bitter pill to swallow. I have had friends and acquaintances throughout all of my years of parenting who have done a very good, successful and solid job of schooling their children. I have had to realize that it is not for everyone and just because I have a child or a situation that isn’t particularly suited to the traditional classroom setting, doesn’t automatically mean that the answer is for me to become the child’s teacher. Believe me, I have tried this, been successful (enough) at it and still had to accept that it’s not for me.
Many kudos to those that have done and are taking on this immensely, important task in their children’s lives. I TRULY wish I could join you. But we must all face our strengths and weaknesses, be honest about them and then work from there.
Many of you have suggested that my child who is having such a tough time at school and within the structure of the classroom, be home schooled. You have suggested I look at all the people, throughout history who have contributed great things to our world and how they didn’t fit, well, into the traditional settings of school. Thank you. I do see this. I will have to weigh all my options while leaving homeschooling out of the equation.
As for my meeting with the teacher…it could have gone better. I understand that she is just as frustrated as I am with what we are seeing. However, I give her credit for seeing that this isn’t an issue of work that is too difficult-it’s not the curriculum, but an issue of learning to work within the structured environment. I know that some of you are of the opinion that it isn’t particularly necessary for my child (or any child) to HAVE to learn to do this. On this point, we disagree. I feel that it’s important because in all the stages of our lives and in all we must do to be successful, functioning parts of our society require us to learn to work within the perimeters of that structure. We get to choose our outlets, whether they be sports, music or art, where we are able to find the way in which we like to use our time and let our thoughts be free-flowing, but there is always going to be the job that we must go to and the way in which that job must be functioned. If a child doesn’t learn to work within a structured environment and under time constraints, I don’t see how they can fully function, successfully as an adult, in society.
Thank you for all your suggestions and thoughts. I will continue to try to find the best way to give my child the tools needed to become a happy and successful student and growing kiddo.
Onto this day and Doing the Dance of the Children~
Friday, April 16th 2010 at 12:18 pm |
Friday, April 16th 2010 at 9:01 pm |
Couldn’t agree with you more. Hang in there!
Saturday, April 17th 2010 at 8:18 am |
Very well said! I think this issue brings up one of the age-old struggles of parenting that I have to remind myself of constantly: focus on the feeling behind the behavior. My mom told me a long time ago that there is a big difference between feelings and behavior, and as a parent you can be successful at molding a child’s behavior but feelings are often resistant to change. I think you are doing all that can be done, Jen, and you are providing the help he needs with check-and-balance systems until he can do it himself.
Sunday, April 18th 2010 at 7:29 am |
That was so very, very well said, Jen! I had, by the way, thought of one suggestion, but thought maybe you’d have no interest in hearing it, since we are are homeschooling and have different challenges… But something a friend of mine did with her son (in public school) and I’ve done here at home was write up a contract, agreed upon and signed by the teacher, the parent, and the child.
In my friend’s case, it was, from the sounds of it, about the exact same situation as yours. Although her son was certainly old enough that he “should” have been taking responsibility for his own work, they all three recoginzed that he “wasn’t” doing so, so they went back to the system that school had in first grade: a notebook in which the teacher and parent wrote notes back and forth to each other, each and every day. By that age (he was in fourth or fifth grade) it would have been rather impractical for the teacher to write down the homework every day for every child, but she was willing to do so for for a set period of time for one child. He, on the other hand, eventually decided that it would be much better just to DO his work, rather than try to convince either his mother that it didn’t exist or his teacher that he had a good reason for not turning it in.
Our contracts here at home have been different, of course, but the idea of contracts has worked very well in a few different situations. It helps ME keep calm, and it does, I think, hand over responsibility to the child to fulfill his/her side of the deal without Mommy constantly hovering and directing. Just an idea…
Wednesday, April 21st 2010 at 2:22 pm |
Biggest Hug sent your way! Peace and prayers, too!
Last Friday…right after dismissal…
Teacher: Jon did allright today, except he was supposed to have a paper for group. He was not able to participate in group this afternoon because he had to use the time looking for that paper which he needed.
Me: Is the paper still missing, Jon?
Jon, sitting at desk with large stack of papers: Mom, I cant find it.
Me: Well, let’s see…if I find your baseball schedule for next week’s games, can you find your paper? (with very very subtle warning tone to my voice)
Jon found his paper in 2 mins. Go figure.
Thursday, April 22nd 2010 at 6:47 am |
Hello! I guess this doesn’t really get to the heart of the issue, and it must be hard with nine kids, but could you not revert to the type of homework diary younger kids have? (Or they do in the UK.)
Teacher fills in what is supposed to be done each day/lesson. You check off what is done at the end of each day. That way you have a daily frame of reference, J has no easy escape route, you and teacher are both on top of stuff?
I guess the other thing which springs to mind is buying one of those concertina files, and using it for projects and homework. Label it with days of the week, so he can find things easily. Or folders? Does he have sufficient personal space to set his stuff up so he can find it easily, or does he need some help with the basics of filing?
On the positive side, if he’s enjoying baseball so much, surely that counts for a lot in terms of making school worthwhile for him?
Best of luck… I have all this yet to come…
Thursday, January 20th 2011 at 5:50 pm |
Now I am going to have to search your more resent entries and see how it all turned out. : )
Friday, January 21st 2011 at 12:47 am |
Hi Sasha-I really haven’t followed up any further. But it’s a new school year and there are new developments. I’ll try to update soon. It will involve testing and finding new strategies. Hang tight for updates~