Tags: Cathedral Catholic High School Mommy of Many, CCHS, children, Doing the Dance of the Children, family life, Good Stuff, kids, life isn't fair, M.O.M.com, mom, tough parenting decisions
It’s true! Life is just not fair. How can it be? Some people have some things available to them and others have different things available to them. It is just not reasonable to think that everyone will be afforded the same opportunities…even if they’re from the same family.
This is what I’ve been dealing with, mulling over, praying about and ultimately having to make a decision on. My kids each have their own talents, personalities, strengths and weaknesses and over the years, I’ve had to make very individualized decisions for each of them. At one point I had to make the decision to keep one of the kids home for a year and 1/2 so that we could find out what it was that just wasn’t working for them in school, where the holes were in their education and understanding, and how to fill those holes to help my child become a better and more solid learner. This decision has ultimately created a stronger, more confident student, person and athlete. I’ve had to decide whether or not to allow one of the children to participate in their school’s, optional, 2-year Kindergarten program. The kiddo was academically solid, but still had plenty of classroom wiggles that needed to be worked out before they could become a successful (in the opinion of me and the kindergarten staff) 1st grader. That child did the 2 years and has been a completely solid, and self-motivated student, ever since. I’ve also had to make the decision to allow a child to be moved forward a grade. They were so bright and motivated that they were truly working, consistently at a level beyond their grade and classmates. This child has gone on to a fantastic school career and is helping unlock fantastic things for themselves and businesses that they’re working for. I had to make the decision to send my 14 year old son to a boarding school, far away from home (at his request, mind you) to see if there was something that would better feed his mind and spirit. It was a tough decision, but it created a strong young man who is self sufficient and driven in all aspects of his life. None of these decisions would have worked well for any of my other children. They had to be completely based on the individual that was being focused on.
I have recently had to make another such decision.
Last year, when we moved, most of the kids settled into their schools. They made new friends, played sports and pushed forward in their new environment. But one of the kids had a harder time than the others. They tried sports and tried being social, but it just never clicked and I had an unhappy kiddo, all year long. So I made them a promise. I promised that I would seek out other schooling solutions and that they wouldn’t have to return to that school when the new school year came around. And I kept up my end of the bargain. I asked questions of people. I searched the internet. We went and toured a boarding school. I looked into a local Catholic school. Nothing was the right fit. Then the offer was made. The offer by family friends to have that child live with them and go back to their school in San Diego. I immediately felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders but at the same time, I knew is was going to be a sore subject with the other siblings. Why was this child able to do what they ultimately all wanted to do? I wrestled with the ramifications of allowing one child to leave home, live with another family, live a life that I could NEVER offer to them and be able to get the education that was worked so hard for in the years before we faced retirement and divorce. The door was being opened to this beautiful opportunity, but only for the one.
After much conversation, prayer and thought, the decision was made to say yes!
Today, Maddi starts back at Cathedral Catholic H.S. The very place that 2 of her sisters have graduated from and that she and Anna spent their Freshman year. When we left San Diego one of the saddest things for me was giving up the level of education that my children had been receiving in the private, Catholic schools there. Their dad and I had made many sacrifices to give them the opportunity to have the very best education we could find. There is nothing in our new area that comes close. I can’t change that and I can’t change where I live. If I were able to move back to San Diego and continue giving my children what we all had, I would. But that’s just not a possibility. But just because all of the kids can’t go back doesn’t mean I shouldn’t allow the one who’s being given the chance, to take it. Yes, this has left siblings unhappy. I am sorry for that. I really am! But just as decisions have been made for others on an individual basis, I have to look at this individual and allow for her growth.
This summer before she left
2 years ago with her sisters at CCHS
Congratulations to Maddi on her first day back! We will be praying for you and expecting you to work hard and make the most of this opportunity. And most of all, you will be missed. It’s never easy to send one of the kids away, no matter how great it is for them.
Doing the Dance of the Children~