Ok!

I guess I’ll tell you about all the beauty I’ve encountered after I make it through this current torrent of yuck. The beauty is there. The strength, growth and promise…it’s all there. It’s just not ready to be presented. So, I will spend tonight and tomorrow finishing the undoneness of this year. Then, I’m gonna tell you about some seriously Good Stuff!

Finish it up 2011. Let me know what you’ve got and let’s get it over with. I’m moving forward. Ever forward!

Doing the Dance of the Children~

This has been such a source of anxiety for me! For MONTHS I’ve been meaning to get these things done but the task before me seemed like too much to think about. So, in true, Jen Lang form, I put it off, did some laundry, ran some errands, wrote a list, talked about my strategy, had a glass of wine and decided it was best dealt with tomorrow. Ah, the elusive Tomorrow.

No more!

Patience and encouragement are appreciated as I organize all the thoughts I’ve had over the last 3 years and make them more easily accessible.

Doing the Dance of the Children AND Facing My Mountain~

New Year’s Eve. Time to think about all that’s transpired this year and all I’d like to see/do/change in the new year. It’s been a good year. It’s been a challenging year. It’s been a year full of life and all that brings. But I can’t help but feel that I could’ve gotten more out of it. I could’ve been Doing the Dance a little more efficiently.

Last year I told myself I’d do a better job of taking care of my health and make healthier choices. I’m not sure it was an actual “resolution”, but I knew it was something I needed to do and wanted to do and believe it or not, I did it! I spent a few weeks this summer learning how to better exercise and how to better fuel my body with the foods that it actually needs. Good Stuff!

This year, I’m tapping myself on the shoulder and asking that I stop procrastinating. That I look at the things before me, the hurdles they may require, put on my running shoes and face each thing with the determination and grace it takes to get over them. I’ve GOT to stop feeling so challenged by anything “new”! The most frustrating part is that every time I sit and stew and fret over something that challenges me, I waste a ton of time before I eventually tackle it. And every time I wonder why-the-heck I took so long to take care of it. Why I let it scare or challenge me.

So, my resolution is to stop procrastinating and stop letting mole hills look like mountains and just get on with it already!

~big breath~

Alright 2011, let’s do this!

Doing the Dance of the Children into the New Year~

Wrong!

As I got the names on each envelope, I started addressing them, leaving the hard-to-find addresses for later. As I would finish each night, I’d put them in the mail. 2 key things have gone wrong;

1) I’m unsure who I’ve sent cards to. Yes, I have an idea, but I’m not CERTAIN!

2) I wrote out the names and my return address in a pretty, gold gel pen-that has now run out! It’s not like I can just run over to Michael’s and get another because it was part of a 40pk. So, from here on out, anyone receiving a card will have their name and my address written in gold and their addresses written in green.

Guess I should’ve taken my own advice!

So, excuse me for odd envelopes and if you happen to receive NO card or TWO cards! M.O.M. is Doing the Dance and didn’t pay attention to the steps~

When I had to make the decision to go through my surgery, I also had to decide whether to keep my ovaries or go into menopause. So, while I don’t have to worry about whether or not there’s ever a feminine hygiene product in my purse, I still get to go through the roller coaster of emotions that encompass PMS. And now that I don’t chart (there’s nothing to chart and no NEED for charting), it often sneaks up on me when I’m not looking. Welcome to today!

It hit me full force with emotions, ovulation pain, feeling fat and wanting to eat all manner of junk foods. I hit my low point this evening when I really wanted to break out the chocolate mousse, but was unwilling to take the time to make it, so instead I opted to cover chocolate nonpareils with whipped cream and devoured them while thinking they were, surely, going to chocolate coat any ugly emotions I was having and make them deliciously acceptable. Wrong!

So then I took 2 Pamprin, followed by a glass of water and sipped a glass of wine. I’m feeling much better, thank you.

I’ve spent the last 7 hours of this day feeling like a Picasso painting, but now that I’m feeling more even and put together, I’m remembering all I should’ve done with this afternoon and evening. Let’s see…there are the cheese cubes to prepare for Max’s class feast tomorrow, the pilgrim costume to dig out and make sure is clean, the reading log that needs to be filled out and ready to be turned in…

Forget it! I’m taking my moment of evenness, washing my face and calling it a night! I’ll tackle the other stuff in the morning when there’s less chance I’ll decide that chocolate and whipped cream covered cheese cubes are REALLY what the 2nd graders want!

Back to being thankful in the morning!

I wanted to share my thoughts even though they don’t seem to have a common thread-

What amazing people I have in my life! People who take time and give of themselves simply because it makes life easier for others and “why not” share what you can. Each day I give thanks for the beautiful example of such people, who help me see the ease of giving of one’s self.
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I don’t the know the plan for this hectic, busy and very full life of mine, but I trust that there IS a plan and that I only need to focus on today and leave the rest up to each day and what God has laid out.
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Sitting at Costa Brava with my sister and my oldest son is a really, really great way to spend an hour or two!
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I LOVED meeting Bonnie of The Shape of a Mother and sharing in an afternoon with her and some other great ladies! May all meetings with new people feel so comfortable!
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I’m pretty sure I made some new friends tonight when I handed over the rest of my pitcher of sangria. I felt done and really didn’t want it to go to waste. The table next to me promised it wouldn’t
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The kiddos and I are enjoying this video so much! I hope you do too~

Doing the Dance of the Children…With My Hands~

Yesterday was such a beautiful and relaxed day! I took many little pieces of it and tucked them into my Heart Envelope. That little envelope is becoming full and cushiony and I love to place things into it and revisit what’s in there. I believe everyone should be conscience of their Heart Envelope and fill it up bit by bit. You know, that little place inside your heart where you store the bits of Good Stuff that you draw from in the times of life when nothing seems to be going right. Deciding to grab those good things and save them has been a key tool for me.

Yesterday I put in a relaxed conversation with friendly companions, the smell of the ocean (though this one was already in there. I like to have some duplicates), the feel of the ocean breeze (another duplicate), a bike ride with one of my daughters and a laugh over a silly one-liner. From time to time I go open that envelope and check on the contents-A rock thrown at a window from an admirer when I was a teenager, the zing of holding a crushes’ hand for the first time, a drive near the water in a convertible, a ride on the back of a motorcycle, standing on an overlook with the kids and watching Clay vertrep, riding a bike with no hands, being at a Rod Stewart concert, doing an interview, holding my newborn babies, the pure joy of my lil one when he wakes up to my voice, listening to and watching the pure joy of the St. Greg’s guys after graduation while they sang their hearts out, spending the night alone in a hotel room, etc. etc.

These are the important pieces that keep me from sinking low in the times when life gets hard. I’m always able to peek inside that envelope and remember that the tough times are just mere snippets in this life that’s been cushioned with the contents of that Heart Envelope.

Don’t forget to grab your moments and tuck them away. I promise you’ll find a reason to smile whenever you open your Heart Envelope up!

Here’s to the beauty that life gives us and to holding onto and drawing from it~

It was interesting for me to be out with my big kids. I needed to go to Costco and 3 of the girls and JJ-oops, I mean, Clayton decided to come along for various reasons. Clayton wanted to get some driving practice in. There was no need for him to get his permit and license while he was away at school, but now, at 18 yrs old, it’s probably a good idea. So, I did something I NEVER do-NEVER. I let him drive. As nerve-wracking as it was for me to be letting him drive, let’s look at it from his perspective-Let’s see, Mom in the passenger seat next to him and 3 of his opinionated sisters in the back seat. The poor kid couldn’t drive slow or fast enough, couldn’t brake too soon and certainly couldn’t turn on his blinker at the proper time.

It was really a learning experience for me, though, because here I was with these “Big Kids”, 2 of which have been out of my house for the last 4 years and yet, I was still in demand as a vital part of their teaching process. It got me thinking about how we really ALWAYS need our parents. Granted, we don’t always WANT them, but who among us hasn’t picked up the phone, sent a text or an email to ask our mothers for a favorite recipe, tips on laundry or what a baby’s particular cry might mean? Who hasn’t called to ask Dad why the car might smell a certain way, sound a certain way or drive a certain way? I realized with great clarity the truth of being a parent. It’s for always! From the moment you find out that you’re carrying a new life, until the moment you die, your kids are going to need you. What’s this notion I sometimes hear about it all being over when they turn 18?! Sure, they might move out or head off to school, but they’re never really gone. They often find reasons to pick our brains for the knowledge we’ve learned in each phase of our lives. ~sigh~

It was really good to have everyone here and to do this job of mine to the fullest. I love having everyone around me and look to the future, knowing that the number of people and lives that will be brought into my home will be ever growing. A great thought!

Doing the Dance of the Children-Forever~

For a little more than a month now, I’ve been on the quest to get my license renewed. I logged in online, created an account and tried to get it done the quick and easy way. But my computer froze up and I ended up locked out of the account. Then I got off work, packed up my 4 year old, got in the line that was out the building and stood in the sun for more than an hour, only to be told that the DMV’s computers had gone down and they weren’t giving out any numbers. A week later I tried again and (imagine THIS), was AGAIN told that the computers were down and that no numbers would be given out.

I was completely exasperated by the whole ordeal. My license was looming over me and was driving me to an anxious panic! So, once again, I got off work (this time I didn’t have to bring along the 4 yr old) and headed over, with fingers crossed, a prayer whispered and all the positive thoughts I could muster up.

It worked!

When I arrived, the line was, indeed, out-the-door, but it was moving! So I stayed put and about 1/2 hour later I was at the front of the line to get my paperwork, a number and a seat. I was # G210 and they were on #G127. But who cared?! I had a book, my phone and a number! At one point a woman complained about waiting 2 hours, to which I said, “this is my 4th try and I don’t care how long it takes, I’m just happy to have a number!”. A man who was sitting nearby, leaned over and said, “so you’re glass is 1/2 full today?!”. I said that it certainly was!

Isn’t it funny that it’s all about our perception? If this had been my 1st attempt to renew my license and I was sitting there for 3 hours, I would have probably been antsy, anxious and perturbed. But because it was my 4th attempt and I actually made it into the building, I was completely happy to sit there for as long as it took.

I’m hoping to let this be a lesson to my impatient self!

Doing the Dance of the Children and Remembering That There’s Always a Reason to See the Glass as 1/2 Full~

1) Last week my business card was pulled from a large glass container that sits on the counter at Champagne, in the Del Mar Highlands, as the winner of a pastry basket. Today it was delivered to my door by Janel, their Catering Coordinator.

All 12 of those yummy pastries were promptly gobbled up by my family. I tried a bit of 2 of them and they were GOOD!

Thanks Champagne and Janel! We will be sure to visit you again soon!

2) Last week I ALSO won a gift basket from Popcornopolis! It should be arriving in the next day or two and I can’t wait to share it! (ok, that’s a lie. I’d rather hide it and eat the entire thing myself, but I know I will enjoy watching my family and coworkers enjoy all the delicious popcorn that will be in there and have DECIDED that I will share). Since several people were helpful in my winning of this contest, I am looking forward to letting some of them enjoy the spoils too . If you’re not *Lucky* enough to win a gift basket from them, you can still try their delicious popcorn by visiting their website, being adventurous with the flavors and ordering some!

I don’t know exactly what my gift basket will include, but I know it’s going to be good!

3) Tomorrow night I get to attend the San Diego opening night of Burn the Floor! I’m taking my 16 yr old, Mariah, with me and looking forward to the evening with her! Not only have I been invited to see the show and write a review, but I was able to share the fun with YOU and now one of my readers and her daughter also get to enjoy the evening! Good Stuff!

If those 3 reasons aren’t enough to be feelin’ lucky, I’m not sure what are!

Doing the Dance of the Children and Thinking of Buying a Quick Pick~

While I focus on all these thoughts I’m going to fill my house with music that I love, roll up my sleeves and clean.

Always take a moment to breathe deeply and find your blessings.

Doing the Dance of the Children and Believing in all my Blessings~

Fall is my FAVORITE season.

Even though it officially started last week, it didn’t really happen here until I took down the Contico tub of candles and the 2 Contico tubs of decor and began the change over. It’s by no means complete, but the feeling has arrived. I LOVE it!

Every year when I start to take out the decorations the kids stand by, ready to take a little walk down memory lane. This year, Gabi was especially happy to see the things she had made in preschool that I’d packed up and tucked away, with all the things her siblings have made from year to year. Such a box of memories!

There’s something so homey and comforting about Fall. I love the soup! I love the sweaters! I love the long pants and boots! I LOVE the crispness to the early morning. I use those particular words, because I live in San Diego and once the early morning is gone, you don’t really know if Fall’s gonna stick around or if it’s going to become a regular ol’ San Diego day. You could very well put on that favorite sweater and boots and be quite sorry for it by noon. But I love Fall anyway!

So now that it’s started, I’ll spend the next couple of days putting up the rest of the decor and beginning to think of the holidays. If you were planning on visiting me, this is definitely the time! The house if feeling cozy and I’m ready for it!

Doing the Dance of the Children and Thinking of the Smells of Apple Cider, Butternut Squash Soup and Pumpkin Pie~

Lex-4yr preschool, Max-2nd gr, Gabi-kinder, Tristan-5th gr

I got into the classroom and it quickly felt like we’d only had a long weekend and not a whole summer off. The routine fell together nicely and my brain kicked in to remember each new kiddo’s name and what parents go with what child. I think it’s gonna be a great year! A lot of the kiddos already know each other and everyone’s been happy to sit down and begin their curriculum and art projects.

We began with A and apples and Allie made the most adorable apple cupcakes ever. Which reminded me that I’m going to need to bring my own food and remember to pack my workout gear each day. The big plan is to be packed and ready to go to the Y after work each day. Thursday was the 1st full day, so I packed up and as soon as work was over I grabbed Lex and we went to the Y. He kicked and cried the whole way (literally). I got him checked in (crying and all), I changed, stretched, found out how to use the treadmill and then they came to get me. Ugh! He’d thrown a fit and cried and finally propped himself against the wall and was standing up, asleep, when I got there. So I came home and got 3 rounds of 4 exercises in before it was time to pick up the other kids. Yesterday I packed up and was all ready (to Lex’s dismay) but had to make it to the bank before 2, which meant I couldn’t make the Y. I only have a little sliver of a window of time to get the workout in. I get off at 12:15, have to drive over, check him into the playcare, change, workout and get back to pick him up by 2, when they close the playcare for their break. So by the time I’m there and ready to workout, I have 45 minutes to an hour, which is perfect, but if anything else needs to be done after work, I’m outta luck! So…I try again on Monday.

Look at his, “I don’t wanna do it and I’m so sleepy” attitude

My crock pot has been humming along all week and so far, so good! I’ve got to remember that this whole schedule takes dedication or it all falls apart and kids don’t get their homework done, the uniforms don’t get cleaned and we eat PBnJ for dinner. Trying to pace myself, keep positive and make it happen!

Doing the Dance of the Children and Remembering the Dance Steps~

Being able to see the drastic difference in how I feel has made me commit to getting to the gym, each day when I get off work and before I have to pick all the kiddos up from school. I’m honestly shocked at the difference those daily work outs were making in my attitude and my energy. But tomorrow I don’t have to go to the gym and put any sort of work out together for myself because Boot Camp is not taking the day off and no school means I can get myself over to the 6 am class and start the day and week off right!

I’m ridiculously excited!

Let’s see how taking 2 weeks off actually feels once I’m there. Yikes!

Here’s to starting Monday off right!

Sometimes I have to wonder.

I wake up every morning with the very best of intentions and a list a mile long. Some days I tackle it head-on. But other days I let excuses creep in. I don’t mean reasons. Reasons are one thing and they come up around here ALL THE TIME. I’m talking excuses. You know, “hmmm…I really should do those dishes before I go to bed so I wake to a clean kitchen. Ack! I’m tired. I’ll do them in the morn.” or “Ok, I’m going to pack the kiddos up, go to the Y, work out for an hour and then take them to the park across the street. But look at all those dishes that need to be washed!” How ’bout-”HELLO mountain of unpaired socks! Come on with me to bed. We’ll put a movie on and I’ll get you all cozied up in pairs. Oh…bed feels so good! Forget the socks! The kids can forge for pairs on their own. I’m sure it creates some sort of good hand-eye coordination or vital foraging skills”.

See!

If I don’t have everything regimented out and stick to the plan it just doesn’t happen. Sometimes I wonder what I’d be like without the constant demand of keeping on task or organized. What if I didn’t have a houseful of kiddos? I’m thinking I’d let the Ol’ Gypsy Wind blow through my hair a little too much and get nothing done or be like Ferdinand the Bull and just sit and smeeeelllll the flowers!

I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and I believe this brood o’ kiddos was sent to me to keep me from being a lazy bum. ‘Cause Lord knows thats where my heart and tendencies lie.

Doing the Dance of the Children and Being Forced to Ignore my Draw Toward Laziness~