Mommy of Many®

Today was our last Sunday at our church. We’ve been a part of this parish for almost 13 yrs! Every time I’ve ever thought of leaving San Diego, my church would pop into my head because there aren’t many places in California where you can find a Byzantine Catholic church. We received many hugs and prayers and wishes for the future. I even had someone offer to come help with the packing! Yea!

As I’m writing this, boxes are being purchased. After that, a storage unit will need to be rented and the real business of moving will begin.

I’m happy that it’s so beautiful outside and that the kids can run around while all this work is being done! I have my things and the things for 3 of the kids packed and ready for going up North. I still have to pack Gabi. The older girls are packing themselves and all that we aren’t taking will be stored. I cleaned out my pantry and brought everything that I can’t use to church so that it can be used by others. Progress is being made!

Now, off to get more done.

Doing the Dance of the Children~

For the last week, I’ve been going through this house, that 11 people have shared over the last 10 years, and opening the cupboards and closets and getting them cleaned out and organized so that when the movers came it would be easy to pack. Then I found out there wouldn’t be any movers/packers. I spent a day in freak-out mode, wondering how the heck I was going to get this place done, but then I stopped, took a deep breath and kept going. Then, I found out that Clay lost his job and that we would no longer be moving to Sonoma County. Ok! Well, to be honest, I really didn’t want to move there anyway, so I decided I’d look at this as a positive. Sure, come Thursday we will all technically join the ranks of the jobless and homeless, BUT everything will go into storage and I will pack my kiddos up and drive to friends and family. It Summer, after-all and a little bit of gypsy-ism is going to be just fine! I happen to be the fortunate recipient of an amazing friend who has opened her family’s door to us (you can all remember to offer prayers of thanksgiving for her and her family, on my behalf). I do not believe we will be left without a place to go and once I’m able to sit down and think for a few minutes, I’m sure I’ll be able to come up with a plan. Until then, I continue to clean out the cupboards and closets and as soon as Clay arrives and purchases boxes, the actual packing of stuff will begin.

Plus, there’s still all the regular kiddo stuff going on. Mariah is still working and needing rides. Maddi and Anna still want to visit with friends, take tennis lessons, have going-away and bday parties and go to the fair. The 4 youngest kept busy, this last week, with VBS and play dates.

And on Tuesday I take Max for GATE testing. I still have to keep him in the forefront of my mind and know that as much of a regular routine as I’m able to keep, while we go through this move, will do him (and everyone) good. Once I have the results of his testing, I can seek out schools that will be able to offer him the best options.

So, I’m sipping my coffee and listening to the sounds of my 7, sleeping kiddos, on this Saturday morning that will be filled with cleaning, packing, the fair, tennis, the slipNslide and finding a storage unit.

Doing the Dance of the Children and Life~

I tell ya, I really don’t know what’s coming my way each day!

Today’s dose of Keeping Jen’s Life Interesting-Clay lost his job. That’s right…

So, I am still packing and organizing and cleaning out and still have to be out of this house by next Thursday, but I will no longer be going to Sonoma County. I WILL, however, still be heading to Northern California, to friends and family because there’s no other option. Good thing it’s summer! So, me and 6 kiddos will load up into the van, with whatever will sustain us for the summer and everything else will go into storage (here, I guess) and we will let it play out from there.

Believe it or not, I’m not freaking out. What’s the point?! All I can do is what I can do and that means sticking to the fragments of the plan I still have. Honestly, I think it’s going to be good. Out of the ashes, right?

Doing the Dance of the Children…No Matter What~

As my move gets closer, the craziness is intensifying.

Yesterday I found out that the movers, who I was counting on for this huge job, were no longer coming in time for us to vacate by the mandatory date of June 30th. Huh?!

As I’ve looked around this house and done what I could do to clean out and organize, while still taking care of, feeding, clothing, driving around and entertaining 7 kiddos, the one thought that kept going through my head was, “Thank goodness I have packers and movers coming!”. Isn’t God funny? He continually drags me out of my comfort zone and asks me to trust that in my discomfort He will take care of it. You should see the marks on the floor from all that dragging! I dig my heels in pretty good.

So I spent yesterday in a whirlwind of worry, disbelief, anger and despair. I was pretty sure that this just might be the thing that was going to break me. If you got a phone call from me yesterday I want to say Thank You for helping me put my thoughts together and helping me make a plan. By bedtime I had decided to let go of the worry and the control and let it all just happen (this sounds like it was easy, but don’t be fooled!). I was reminded that the most important things I have will be with me in the van-my children-and that everything else needs to be released from my worry. Things will get where they need to go. They just won’t get there the way I wanted. Well, I guess that just can’t be important right now.

I need to spend these next 9 days doing what I CAN do and taking care of my kids and trying to give them all that I am able before we leave. The rest will have to figure itself out.

Doing the Dance of the Children~

After writing about my fear of new things, I started to think (and be reminded) of other instances where I let fear bind me and how I eventually overcame each thing. I thought I’d write them down. This way when I’m facing another new thing I can come over here and see that I’ve been successful ALL these other times. And maybe my list will help others through their own fears.

I left my iPod in it’s box for a whole year before I tried it out. An ENTIRE year!
When my PC was taken away and my Mac showed up on my desk I shunned it for a month. Once I gave it a try I became a loyal fan. I’ll never go back!
For the 1st 4 months of recording my podcasts I stayed as far away from the process as possible, fearing GarageBand fiercely.
Finding a new Dr.
Going into Tiffany’s (I was so afraid that they’d give me one look and ask me what-the-heck I thought I was doing in there).
Giving my Opinion-Ever.

I stood in my neighbor’s living room and debated with her over a trip I was going to take with my baby. I was going to visit a friend and I was SO paralyzed with the fear of leaving my other children and actually going somewhere. I made up a zillion excuses and like a good and true friend, she shot EVERY ONE of them down. I’ll bet she’s reading this with a smirk on her face, because she knows I took that trip and I had a GREAT time and that it opened the door in me to be able to take other trips. Now THAT’S a friend!

I let a toothache go for more than a YEAR! Resulting in the eventual loss of said tooth!

I FREAKED OUT after a blogging agreement between myself and Kraze Bootcamps. I spent about a week wondering what-in-the-world was wrong with me for even thinking I could do such a thing. Then I went and I kept going and blogging and it got SO Good!!!!! I found out that I was made of some pretty good stuff and didn’t need to be intimidated by push-ups or jumping jacks (though they tried REALLY hard to frighten me).

I cried and explained that I really really didn’t want to have to go through labor and delivery, let’s see…about 8 of the 9 times I did it. Guess what-I still had to. And guess what-I lived to tell the tales.

I’m sure there are plenty of other things I could come up with. I’ll probably publish this post and think of something really great that I forgot to put in here. But bottom line-all these things were HUGE stumbling blocks for me. I spent time agonizing over each thing and when I finally faced them, I found out I was stronger or more capable or actually enjoyed the changes they brought to my life. I know it won’t stop me from having anxiety over new things, but maybe talking about it will ease the fear.

Interestingly enough, I’m noticing that I only become frozen by things that effect just me. When I have to go outside my comfort zone for my kids-Done! A mama’s gotta do what a mama’s gotta do. Hmmm.

Doing the Dance of the Children AND Life and Learning Each Day~

Change and the unknown paralyze me. Sometimes literally. I can sit with the proposal of something new and become completely stuck and immobile over it. Sometimes it simply takes a few minutes or a few hours to get my head around it and move forward, but there are times where I will become so completely stuck over the fear of the unknown and the fact that an idea is new for YEARS. And sometimes, I’ll sit and think about it and then walk away from it completely.

What?! But I’m Jen Lang-Mommy of Many. The woman who can organize my household, keep all the kids’ schedules straight, blog, podcast, post my cooking videos to Youtube, drive and park a 15-passenger van like it’s a 2-seater sports car, breastfeed a baby while pushing 2 other children in a jogger, move houses with 6 small children and a deployed husband…how in the world could I EVER be afraid of change and the unknown?!

All true. And yes, I DO conquer new things all the time, but it doesn’t change what happens inside me EACH time. Here’s the story of how 1 small stumbling block turned into a 2-year detour from which I finally exited, today;

A little more than 2 years ago I changed doctors. We had to leave the clinic on base because they would not allow us to enroll our youngest child. So instead of juggling multiple Drs for the kids, the decision was made to pick a Dr in town. I asked friends about the Drs they used and decided to go with one nearby. It so happened that there was a primary care physician in the same complex that could take me. So I started seeing her for routine appointments. After about 6 months, I became so frustrated with her that I grabbed my shoes, mid exam, asked for my records and told her I would no longer be seeing her. I left her office, my record in-hand and started asking friends what Dr they saw. I got a few referrals and made a few phone calls, but, for various reasons, none of the suggestions ever ended up in me seeing a new Dr.

Time started to go by. Little things would come up-a cough here, an upset stomach there, but never anything important enough for me to actually pursue a new Dr. As more time started going by the idea of a new Dr got scary to me. I found reasons that it was going to be difficult to find one and reasons that made me unsure of being able to find one-Clay was going to retire, what would the new benefits be? I will have to move, why start with a new Dr when I’ll just have to find another one? What if it’s too expensive to find a Dr? What if this cough has gone on so long that now I’m REALLY sick? What if now that I’m really sick, a new Dr won’t take me? What if the new insurance doesn’t cover me being really sick (which btw-I’m not, but I let it build in my head this way). I worked myself into a frenzy of reasons why I couldn’t possibly take the time or spend the $ to get a new Dr. Finally I got an idea to TRY. “Just try”, I told myself. “Just go to the Tricare office-the one you’ve seen signs for-and just ask the question”. “Yes, I know you will probably be told that you’ve waited too long past retirement or that you can’t be seen at that particular facility or that your pants are the wrong length and they don’t see brunettes, but JUST GO ASK”. I told myself “ok”. Then I pondered it for 2 more weeks and finally, FINALLY today I drove straight over there after work and tried not to think of any reasons not to. I followed the signs, got lost and thought of leaving. Then I poked my head into an office and asked where I should go. The lady smiled and directed me down the hall. I walked in and announced that I had 2 questions and guess what! 24 minutes later, I had a new Dr, a scheduled appointment and was back in my car. That’s it! All that build up. All that fear!

I can’t tell you how often this happens to me. This is how I move through life-pushing myself through 1 unknown only to realize that there was nothing to fear and that it wasn’t going to be too hard and that I should remember that for the next time.

Today was a success and I decided to talk about it because maybe if I do when the next “new” thing comes up you can all remind me that it probably isn’t so scary and that I’m probably more than capable of figuring it out.

Doing the Dance of Life, One Challenge At-A-Time~

This afternoon I made the announcement that we were “Going to the library!”. The kids were excited and 1 of my high schoolers actually NEEDS books for a project that’s been left until the last minute. This is why the trip was actually decided on, but I figured the other kids would be happy for the chance at some new reading material and maybe a few movies. We got to the library and I immediately noticed that the, usually full, parking lot was empty. Not a good sign! I sent 1 of my teens to see if they were open.

Nope!

I’ll figure out what to do for my procrastinating Freshman, but the realization that I no longer know the library’s schedule brought up a host of feelings in me.

I was a full-time stay-at-home-mom until 2 years ago, when I went to work at the elementary school as a preschool aid. I spent 16 years at home. I worked in the house EVERYDAY for whatever parts of the day I was home and busied myself and the kiddos, that were too young for school, with park visits, museum visits, trips to the library for storytime, visits with friends, lunches on the bay…

You get the picture. I was the typical SAHM with young children and a house to keep organized and tidy and meals to plan and errands to run. My days were completely full and I wondered if I’d EVER be able to get my house in the order I REALLY wanted it in without forgoing sleep. I knew exactly what community events were going on and checked the local postings and magazines for all things free or inexpensive. But now…

Now that I’m no longer in the house each day, I get home to scramble through what chores I can manage in between kids’ sports and the next pick-up from any given event. Trips to museums?! A day at the park?! Knowing the library schedule?! Sadly I have to face that those days are behind me. I really have lost a part of my days that I really enjoyed! But everyone’s in school now, so I’m no longer trying to keep little ones busy until their nap time, when I’d go at lightening speed to finish as many tasks as possible before they woke up. Now I’m Doing the Dance of the Children from 4am until I get the younger kids into bed around 8pm and then I’m too tired to really accomplish much of anything. There’s a polish to my days at home that I miss. I was largely in charge of the schedule and the events and I had things running with great precision.

~sigh~

Well, perhaps I’ve moved onto a new phase of life with my kiddos and our schedules and the way the house is run (I use that term ever-so loosely!), but you better believe I plan on being that grandma who knows every fun thing to do and the schedule of every free or inexpensive, kid-friendly event for miles around!

Doing the Dance of the Children and Looking Ahead~

Normal-it’s what we all strive for. It’s what we’re “supposed” to be. It’s all the people around us-or so we perceive. Normal is what my kids said today’s lunches were, because I included cheese puffs (never mind that they were wheat free, gluten free, contain no corn syrup or msg) and trail mix.

Normal-we all think it’s pretty important.

Well, it’s what I’m needing to let go of. I chuckle at myself for even saying that because, really, when have I EVER been “normal”? I’m the oldest of 9 children, I was a single, teen mom and have gone on to have a grand total of 9 children of my own. None of that fits society’s views of “normal”.

But surely my kids are normal. They’re all good-looking, read just fine, present themselves in a “normal” fashion when out-and-about, play sports and go to private schools where, if anything, everyone is normal or above normal. Geesh! Normal is certainly what my kids are.

Yeah right! As I’m being forced into clearer vision and thinking, I realize that my kids have always been slightly outside the societal norm. My oldest has chosen to pursue all of her higher education in faith-based schools-certainly not the norm for most. My oldest son struggled mightily with what “normal” was supposed to be. He always had strong ideas on what was right and what was wrong and that you should always be choosing to do what was right. I look back, with a heavy heart when I think of a note he wrote in 6th grade, telling his father and I that he was grateful for the Catholic education he was receiving, but that he was really having a very hard time with not having any friends. We encouraged him and pushed him through. He struggled with grades because of poor handwriting and downward-spiraling self esteem. He became angry and aggressive. And then God stepped in and introduced us to the right environment and peer group for him and within a few months he became happy, full of life and by all means, “normal” once again. Hmmm, environment changed everything. Changing our perception of where he “should” be or what sports he “should” be playing and trusting that we couldn’t provide all the answers, changed his whole life.

I could go on down the line, describing each of my children and the ways in which I perceive them as “normal” and the ways in which they are so much more than that. But really, I now need to focus on my 7th child. My 8yr old son.

I look back to bringing him home after his birth and how sensitive he was to all his environmental stimuli. He was coming to a home with 6 older siblings. 6 boisterous, outspoken and noisy siblings and this didn’t work well for him. Every time someone yelled or ran through the house with happy screeches, he would shake and cry. He couldn’t sit in the baby swing. The movement seemed to terrify him. TERRIFY! He only slept if he was directly on me or swaddled in my blanket or clothing (I learned to cover him in things that smelled of me). I asked questions of people I knew who worked in special education or had children with challenges of their own. But little by little we all seemed to develop coping mechanisms. I noticed that he started to become noisy if everything around him was noisy. I learned to tell him to look me in the eye when I was giving him directions and to have him repeat what I’d said. I learned to assign a number to each task and ask him to go through the numbers. I learned that riding a bike was frightening for him but that he could ride a scooter like nobody’s business. I learned that his fine-motor skills were low for his age and we stopped trying to buy shoes with laces. So, we learned to try to make it through each day with a minimum of challenge. But not everyone is his mom and not everyone is so accommodating or patient (I use “patient” loosely when describing myself) and he started to have real challenges in the classroom last year. He couldn’t grasp the concept of getting things done in a certain timeframe. His thoughts on any given subject were too big for the classroom discussions and he just can’t NOT say what’s going through his head. So he became frustrated at not completing things on time and with the fact that he has poor handwriting and he just decided to give up on doing the work all together. He started hiding his work or destroying it. This meant that his grades plummeted and he was put on academic probation. ~sigh~ It was just a downward spiral. Then he started 2nd grade. New teacher, new year. And she worked REALLY REALLY hard with him. We kept our communication open and discussed various ways to help him function within the classroom setting and finally we discussed getting him into counseling so that he could have better tools to draw from to perform successfully. His grades have been up. He’s not hiding work. Both the teacher and I, realized that he is more than capable with any of the work placed before him.  All in all, it’s a better year. But through the open communication between teacher, parent and counselor, it was suggested (strongly) that he be tested for Asperger’s. While I wasn’t totally surprised, I was challenged. I cried for 3 days. Not for myself, but for my child who possibly needed something more, something different and had been pushed through with the hope that he would finally “get it”. I spoke with a couple people and then had the testing scheduled.

We don’t have a full report back yet, but I’ve been given a partial report and he seems to fall, quite solidly, in the spectrum for Asperger’s. Yesterday I was told that according to the tests, he has an IQ of 156 (I placed a link here because until yesterday, I didn’t know what any IQ scores meant and am betting that most people are in the same boat I was) and that it’s suggested that he be placed in a more challenging school environment. This is where I have to fall back on what I learned with my older son (who was never tested for an “disorders” and has no diagnosis of any) about trusting that environment makes all the difference and where I have to let go of “normal”. I want what’s best for each of my kids. But I’m also having a tough time letting go. I will continue to read, research, talk and learn and I will continue to be human and fight my own ideas of “normal”. And, you can bet I’ll be talking about the whole thing as it unfolds.

Doing the Dance of the Children~

You will notice some changes on the site and probably a few things that don’t seem right. Mommy of Many® is under construction! Some new things are on their way.

Please excuse any oddities for the time being.

Doing the Dance of the Children With a New Pair of Shoes~

I’ve recently been going through some personal challenges and it’s caused me to become more quiet on the blog and most certainly in my podcast. Some days I just can’t find the energy to pick apart my day and find something blog-worthy. As for the show, I felt strongly that going through personal challenges, whether I’m talking about them or not, would come out in my voice. So, I find myself going silent from time to time.

It’s time to be a little less silent.

I’m not a big believer in laying out great personal detail in a public forum, so I won’t be doing that. But I am a believer in letting people know what you need. From time to time I’ve spoken up and let people know when I’m stressed over the tight budget or not being able to get 5 kids to 5 different places at the same time and beautiful people have stepped forward and said, “I can help with that”. So, instead of being stressed in silence, it’s time to tell you what’s on my mind and ask for prayers and good thoughts to be sent my way.

Very suddenly I find myself in a position where I need a place to stay for the rest of the school year. The very best situation (of course), would be to have a house that’s somewhat near to where I’m currently living, so that the kids can easily finish out the school year. After the school year is over, decisions on what’s affordable and where, will have to be made. As you can imagine, this has been weighing heavily on me and I think it’s just going to be better to talk about it.

We’ve lived in this neighborhood for over 11 yrs and in this house for the last 9. When Clay retired, we all knew the time here would be coming to an end, but we had an agreement to stay in this house until the kids finished out the school year. Now that agreement has been broken and it’s just become a great provider of stress. I’m trying hard to keep things rolling smoothly, while trying to figure out what to do.

Prayers, good thoughts and ideas are most welcome!

Doing the Dance of the Children~

I have finally started the process that I’ve been putting off for so, very long. I’m going through my posts and getting things organized and cleaned up so that MommyofMany.com can get a fresh, new, more user-friendly look. As part of my New Year’s Resolution, I’ve stopped procrastinating and stopped looking at this task as an unclimbable mountain and have begun the process. If you have been a long-time reader, you may see things that seem out of place and see posts that you’re SURE you’ve read before. This just might be so, but it’s all part of what I need to do to get things organized and ready to move. If you’re a new reader, I hope you enjoy!

This has been such a source of anxiety for me! For MONTHS I’ve been meaning to get these things done but the task before me seemed like too much to think about. So, in true, Jen Lang form, I put it off, did some laundry, ran some errands, wrote a list, talked about my strategy, had a glass of wine and decided it was best dealt with tomorrow. Ah, the elusive Tomorrow.

No more!

Patience and encouragement are appreciated as I organize all the thoughts I’ve had over the last 3 years and make them more easily accessible.

Doing the Dance of the Children AND Facing My Mountain~

New Year’s Eve. Time to think about all that’s transpired this year and all I’d like to see/do/change in the new year. It’s been a good year. It’s been a challenging year. It’s been a year full of life and all that brings. But I can’t help but feel that I could’ve gotten more out of it. I could’ve been Doing the Dance a little more efficiently.

Last year I told myself I’d do a better job of taking care of my health and make healthier choices. I’m not sure it was an actual “resolution”, but I knew it was something I needed to do and wanted to do and believe it or not, I did it! I spent a few weeks this summer learning how to better exercise and how to better fuel my body with the foods that it actually needs. Good Stuff!

This year, I’m tapping myself on the shoulder and asking that I stop procrastinating. That I look at the things before me, the hurdles they may require, put on my running shoes and face each thing with the determination and grace it takes to get over them. I’ve GOT to stop feeling so challenged by anything “new”! The most frustrating part is that every time I sit and stew and fret over something that challenges me, I waste a ton of time before I eventually tackle it. And every time I wonder why-the-heck I took so long to take care of it. Why I let it scare or challenge me.

So, my resolution is to stop procrastinating and stop letting mole hills look like mountains and just get on with it already!

~big breath~

Alright 2011, let’s do this!

Doing the Dance of the Children into the New Year~

After the busyness of Thanksgiving, Clay’s retirement & all the prep and celebration for and of Christmas, I decided I needed to take a few days to breathe deeply, sleep in, watch movies, visit with family and friends and work on the computer-all very good ideas. But somehow, within an hour of walking out the door, I get the clarity that doesn’t happen in the house in the middle of Doing the Dance and suddenly I have a zillion ideas of how I want to do things better. I can think of all the ways in which I want to better focus on my kiddos and all the books I want to read to them, all the stories they tell, that I want to better focus on, all the fun things I want to do that we haven’t gotten to. Then I get to where I’m going and all I can think of is getting back so I can start putting into action all my wonderful thoughts.

REALITY-

I walk through the door after a couple days gone and have every intention of beginning all these wonderful, motherly things and I begin to pick up the items that I don’t want to trip over, start a load of laundry, ask someone why they’re upset, tell kids to stop arguing, start thinking about the prep of whatever meal comes next, get asked to drive someone to wherever they need/want to go…

It’s so much easier to be a better M.O.M. when the kids aren’t actually involved!

Doing the Dance of the Children With Great Ideals in My Head~

While I was out shopping, I picked up a new wallet for myself. So this morning I was switching everything over when I decided it was finally time to get rid of those cards in my wallet.

I haven’t used a credit card in several months. I made a decision to use only cash for all my grocery shopping, filling up the cars and personal shopping. Each payday I go to the bank, take out the budgeted amount, divvy it into marked envelopes and off I go, staying on budget and being more conscience of what I’m buying. But…I left the cards in my wallet, like a security blanket. It was silly, really, because they’d been canceled and weren’t even there for “emergency usage”, they just simply made me feel better.

This is the first Christmas that I can EVER remember that I’m going out to the stores, cash-in-hand. I know exactly what I’m spending and I won’t have any remorse come January. It’s been a really great experience! A difficult transition, in the beginning, yes, but SO worth it in the long-run!

So today, I grabbed the scissors and the garbage can and I made confetti of all those useless and enslaving cards! New wallet and no security blanket!

Doing the Dance of the Children and Staying on Budget~

I’ve mentioned that I’m working with my webmaster to update the site and make things easier to find. We’ve been brainstorming and doing some designing and now it’s time for me to put in a little work so that we can be done. Over the next few days you’ll see some posts that may seem redundant or out of place. Nope! It’s all just part of what I need to do for the end result to make sense. So…here’s to an easier to navigate and freshened up site!

Let the M.O.M. work begin!

Doing the Dance of the Children and Trying to Focus on My Creative Energy~