Mommy of Many®

The last few days were full of uncertainty and decision making. It was time to hand the gas-guzzling 15-passenger van over to be sold but that meant I would have only my VW Passat. There were 2 problems with that-It wasn’t running properly and it didn’t fit myself and the 6 kiddos that I have at home. I had NO money for a downpayment on anything and NO money to fix the VW even if it was what I was going to have to drive. On the first day of the uncertainty/decision making the decision I made was to curl up on my bed, cry and take a nap. Hey, at least I made a decision! Day 2 is when the work began. 2 of the most beautiful, loving, hardworking friends you could ever ask for started asking me questions. Real questions, like-what do you owe on each vehicle?, what is the VW worth?, can you get any $ for a dowpayment?, what are you looking to drive?. You know, the stuff that makes you actually start tackling a problem and finding out what you can and can not do. Once I started gathering information I realized that I had the title to the VW and (as long as I could drive it to wherever I needed to get it to) I could trade it in. Then out came computers and Iphones and the search began. After looking and talking and visiting dealers, I came away with a 2010 Town & Country that seats 7, with a warranty that will keep my mind free of worry. I had someone by my side who knew all the things I do not and who offered moral support when I needed it.

As I signed a zillion papers the tears started to flow. I just bought a car! Me! In MY name and with all the things I decided were important to have for my kids. I am now completely responsible for this vehicle. It scared me and made me proud at the same time. One more step to knowing I’m ok-to knowing I can do what needs to be done and that I have a loving support system to hold my hand and pat my back and help me heal and be whole. It still chokes me up! How did I get to be 40 yrs old, have 9 children and not know what I was capable of? I am thankful EVERY day for all the beautiful, strong, encouraging people who surround me each day and have helped me lay the stepping stones on this path I’m walking.

With faith, love and trust I will continue to find out that I am strong, whole and entirely capable of all that needs to be done to get my children successfully into adulthood and myself into living the life ahead of me, fully!

Doing the Dance of the Children~

Today I set out to tell you about all the beauty I found in this year. I pondered the challenges this year had brought and the beautiful people who stepped into my life to help me overcome them. I thought about how far I’d come since last December and all I thought was impossible that now IS. I started to write about it all and then…THEN…A ton of life hit me upside the head and I realized that the year wasn’t quite over. That there were still challenges and friction, speed bumps and  monkey wrenches that hadn’t yet shown themselves in this calendar year and that these challenges weren’t happy to not have gotten their chance. I spent the entire day in shock, awe and challenge. Ick! I see that 2011 isn’t done with me yet.

Ok!

I guess I’ll tell you about all the beauty I’ve encountered after I make it through this current torrent of yuck. The beauty is there. The strength, growth and promise…it’s all there. It’s just not ready to be presented. So, I will spend tonight and tomorrow finishing the undoneness of this year. Then, I’m gonna tell you about some seriously Good Stuff!

Finish it up 2011. Let me know what you’ve got and let’s get it over with. I’m moving forward. Ever forward!

Doing the Dance of the Children~

Reasons to be thankful today-

Hugs even when I’m a drippy-nosed, mouth-breathing, cold infested-wreck

Being able to easily get work done because of internet access in my home-finally!!!!

A conference filled with good news from today’s parent/teacher conference

An unbelievably kind/thoughtful/loving/generous/trusting friend

Meeting with a new friend and feeling so connected

Moving furniture because tomorrow I get my carpets cleaned for a review of the company’s services

Meeting with the owner of a local shop and confirming that I’ll be doing StoryTime for them this week

A glass of wine and a quiet house after a L-O-N-G but full day

Good Stuff!

G’night…Don’t forget to count your blessings~

A little later today I’ll sit down with several people from Max’s school for an SST meeting to get a 504 plan in place for him. This is such Good Stuff! This means that there will be an actual set of tools in place that move from year to year with him so that each teacher isn’t trying to develop their own system each year. It will help take the guess work out of what works well for him and will help him feel more confident when he has challenging situations in the classroom.

Because Max isn’t academically challenged, he doesn’t qualify for an IEP, so it can be quite challenging to know what makes for a successful Max day in the classroom. I’m excited for moving forward!

Stay posted for more info!

Doing the Dance of the Children~

I’ve been spending time each day exploring all the new places around me and this is by far, one of my VERY BEST finds! There are global issues that make us all feel so small and helpless and Human Trafficking is at the top of that list for me. As a mom it’s one of those things that absolutely hurts my soul and I’ve never known what to do, except pray for the victims.

A couple of days ago, Lex and I were on the hunt for a new place to grab some iced tea or coffee and I saw the sign for Origins Coffee & Tea. It intrigued me because it said something about making a difference. A coffee house making a difference? I had to go in and see what it was about. I’m sure glad I did!

Origins Coffee and Tea was started by dads who couldn’t let this issue go without a fight. You can read Chad Salstrom’s blog here. Arianna, Maddi and I went in today to find out about volunteering and we were able to meet Chad, get a tour and hear a little of his personal perspective. The shop is run by volunteers who are asked to give a minimum of 4 hours a week for 3 months. These are people working for free to help this important cause. You can easily sign up to give a little time, but if that won’t work for your schedule, you can simply patronize the shop. It’s spacious and comfortable, offering free wifi and is open from 6:30am-11pm each day. Chad showed us the meeting room they have available for groups looking for a place to hold a meeting or a gathering. There’s no charge for this room! Think about holding your next meeting there and let the coffeehouse provide your drinks and refreshments.

I’m so excited about this shop and what they’re doing! The girls and I are signing up to donate our time and plan on visiting the coffeehouse often. I’m drinking coffee anyway, my caffeine addiction might as well help out those in need!

This is seriously Good Stuff! If you’re local to the Rocklin/Roseville area, consider visiting the shop, bring your laptop, your friends and your goodwill!

Doing the Dance of the Children With the Hope of Helping a Little~

In the midst of all my moving and trying to get kiddos set up for school that starts NEXT week, I had the opportunity to speak with Gretchen of MommyCast as a Mom Correspondent for the show. Check out the show here. And the topic?…Moving with children, of course!

Doing the Dance of the Children and Sharing the Good Stuff~

Each new day, new week, new month, new year holds the potential for Good Stuff. We all look at the newness before us as another chance to get it right, to fill our lives with peace, joy and purpose. I have to say that the month of August has been full of just that. On August 1st I handed over the deposit on the new home for my kiddos and myself. Tomorrow I do the walk thru and sign the lease, which means getting the keys! I’m hopeful that Clay’s request for a DITY move is approved (he’s offered to move our things from San Diego to the new house so that we get everything right away instead of waiting up to 3 weeks for the movers). The kids will start their new schools in just a couple of weeks. My 15 yr old daughter will finish up all she’s been doing in San Diego and come join us in this beautiful, new home. Tristan will turn 12 at the end of this month. And to top it all off, I was able to record 2 podcasts with Gretchen of MommyCast that will be released soon. I have to say that August is looking GREAT!

Yes, there’s lots of work ahead-getting back into the school routine, juggling sports, Boy Scouts and finding a new church to get involved in, getting settled into our new home and learning the area, finding our new favorite stores and places to visit. Lots of work and lots of life ahead and I am ever-hopeful that it continues to fall into place and bring more beautiful, supportive people into our lives.

Believe!

I’m looking ahead with joy and hope and glancing behind at the long road I’ve walked and holding onto it so that I remember that even in the toughest of days there’s hope and that with each new day you have to start with the belief that all the Good Stuff is lying ahead, ready for your to grab it, own it and find joy in it.

Thank you for all the good wishes, loving support and prayers that have come my way during this journey. Look, they worked because we believed!

Good Stuff!

Doing the Dance of the Children Full of Faith in All That’s Good~

I didn’t mean to let so many days go by without writing about what’s going on. The days are full of keeping the kiddos busy, looking at houses and heading to bed late, wishing I’d gotten more done. But each day has held Good Stuff-visiting with family and friends, touring the Empire Mine, swimming…

What I had to key into is the fact that I get this unique, little piece of time to spend on my kids in a way that I don’t usually get. When I’m at home with them there’s all the housework and running around that needs to be done. Yes, I’m WITH them each day, but I don’t get uninterrupted time to just focus on them. I’ve WISHED for time like this! Granted, I didn’t wish that it meant I was homeless and living off of the good graces of others, but you need to notice your blessings when they’re in front of you! This time isn’t going to last long (right?!), so I need to enjoy it while it’s here. Before I know it I’ll be knee-deep in unpacking a house, homework and sports schedules.

Encouraging us all to see the blessings in each day.

Max Ta Shunke Witko (Crazy Horse) under his namesake’s bar sign in Nevada City

Tristan (very excited about his meal) at lunch with family

Me and the kiddos at the Empire Mine

Gabi and Lex checking out the Reflecting Pool at the Empire Mine

Doing the Dance of the Children~

The last few days of not having my kids with me, not having a home to go to, not having a schedule or what feels like a purpose have brought me to the brink of an identity crisis. I’ve felt fragmented and completely out of every element I’ve ever come to be comfortable with and in. I’ve had to do some serious soul searching to figure out what was going on in me.

For 22 years I’ve been a mom. I’ve been the primary care giver to all of my children over ALL that time. It’s not only been a label I’ve been wearing, but it became woven into the very fabric of my being-shaping every move I’ve made, every schedule I’ve written and lived by. During a great deal of those 22 years I also wore the label of wife. It took me a a long time to come to terms with peeling that label off. Now I’m dealing with how it feels when our labels become intertwined and  I’m learning to draw the line between where one ends and another begins-how you can take one off and still wear the others. Nothing will ever change the fact-FACT that I’m a mom, not just A mom, but M.O.M. and whether my kids are here or elsewhere, my heart still beats with that label. Now I need to find myself, beneath the labels. For a great many years of my time as a mom, I focused only on that part of me. Honestly, between having babies and moving around, because of military orders, there wasn’t much time or energy available to focus on anything BUT being a mom and military spouse. Then one day I discovered that I had a voice and that all those schedules I’d been writing and all the morning memos I’d put together might, in some way, benefit others.

Once I decided to speak people starting telling me that they believed in the good of my voice, that it had great purpose and that it, surely, shouldn’t be silenced. So I started to write and I started to podcast. Immediately people said, “more!”. I rearranged schedules and found time to pick my own brain for what information my years of raising children, moving around, organizing a household of many and living as a single-parent, might be useful to others and began to write shows, blogs and even magazine articles. I began to wear new labels-Published, paid, writer/working mom/podcaster/blogger/organizer/motivator, all of them empowering and beautiful. People started sending me other labels-”McGyver of Food”/”Relentlessly Optimistic”/”Super Mom”/”The Martha Stewart of Holiday Projects”…Soon my labels were vast and I enjoyed them all. I believed I could continue to juggle them all and that they each identified me in a certain way. Now, I have to gather all the pieces of me that have been stuck to each of these labels and put the puzzle together. I’m naming each of these things so that I can step back, read them all and see that just because I removed one label doesn’t change the WHO of what I am-that I am still whole and full of purpose and that I must continue to believe in what God has given me.

This is all important stuff, this self talk. I must hold my own hand and pull myself from the brink of the cliff of this identity crisis. I must own my own being and purpose and decide to move forward, no matter what bleakness or unknown a day may bring.

We must all remember that we are whole beings, no matter the labels we’ve come to depend on or associate with. It can be hard! We tend to decide that we ARE the label. We are so much more!

Doing the Dance of the Children~

Today I went grocery shopping and I bought a lot of fresh fruit. With so many wonderful fruits in season and on sale, I loaded up with watermelon, strawberries and others. I knew the kids would appreciate it all and how much each of them likes certain fruits. It all got me thinking about how we think and how we set standards.

Each of us has cut into or bitten into a fruit that sets the standard in our minds of how that fruit should taste. At some point we’ve bitten into a perfectly ripe strawberry that set for us what a strawberry “really” tastes like or we’ve cut into a watermelon and decided that it was exactly as firm, sweet and juicy as a watermelon “should” be. From that point we set out to recreate that same experience. We continue to buy the fruits, hoping to taste exactly what we have before. Yet, there are countless times that our strawberries are too sour or we cut into a watermelon only to find it mushy and tasteless. But we keep trying. We don’t decide that the standard is now these, less than perfect fruits.

This is what keeps me believing in the human spirit. We set our standard by the best that we’ve experienced and we keep trying over and over to recreate those experiences. Having tasted excellence, we move through life, giving each shopping trip, each day, another chance to bring us another taste of what we know to be the best. I believe this shows that we are innately positive and focused on the good. We don’t stop buying our favorite fruits, even though it may be that the majority of our shopping trips turn up fruits that are less than the gold-standard that we know is out there.

Once we’ve tasted, felt and smelled excellence, we continue to move through each day looking for it and giving each new day, each new basket of strawberries, each new watermelon, the chance to show it to us again.

Never give up on striving for excellence. You know it’s out there. You’ve tasted it.

Doing the Dance of the Children~

I’m writing this for each of you as much as I’m writing it for me. Sometimes life becomes so overwhelming and the hurdles so high that we find it terribly difficult to see beyond them-to see the horizon and all the possibilities that this life holds for each of us. I’m writing it because I need to look beyond the hurdles and focus on all the potential the future holds. I need to focus on my potential and my God-given gifts and talents. I need to look beyond the fear of the unknown and pull from the place in my heart that knows-KNOWS I can keep putting one foot in front of the other and walk the path laid before me into the beauty of the great unknown. While I was self-talking and reminding myself of all the good and all the positive and all the strength and all the accomplishments, I thought that it might be a really good thing to give what I’m finding to all of you too.

Believe! Dream! Trust!

We were not made for nothingness. Even when we feel so very small and so very helpless, our potential still lies in wait. Find your inspiration. Pull up from your memory every good, strong and positive word that’s ever been laid at your feet or thought by your mind and let them all wash over you. Let them be the loudest and to quell the voices of negativity that threaten to bind you. You know the truth! Stop begin afraid and trust. Have faith!

Believe!

Parenting many different ages of kids can really be tricky. There are plenty of times that I have trouble figuring out how to make something work for everyone. But one thing I’ve learned that always works best is to set aside my emotions and turn on my brain. I said it works best, I didn’t say I’m always capable of doing it. But today-today I did just that.

One of the kids came running in to let me know that they’d been “kicked off” the computer by an older sibling and that the older sib had then put a password on the computer so that the younger one couldn’t get back on. I approached the teen and asked why they did it. They had decided that, even though I had given the younger kiddo permission to be on the computer, that they felt that the younger sibling needed to focus on different activities. I then explained that I gave permission for using the computer and that I wanted  the computer logged back on for the younger sib. I was told “no”.

How’s that?

“No”. She let me know that not only would she NOT log the computer back on, she also refused to give me the new password. You can imagine the steam that began coming out of my ears! I explained that she had no right to override my parenting and to decide to take that kind of control. She still refused. You can also imagine that I wanted to snap!

But instead, I walked away, sat down, turned off my anger and turned on my brain. Ok-teen is NOT going to give in and I’m going to get angrier which will only end badly. Where is my power? I can’t force her into chores. I can’t even demand that she not leave the house (we can go into those things another time) but I CAN decide that she will NOT drive ANY vehicle for the next week. She’s still working with her permit and without anger, I can take away a privilege. I emailed her father to ask that he be on-board with my punishment, and why and then walked out to calmly let her know what the consequences of her actions would be.

Once I delivered that news I turned to the younger sibling and told him to follow me to my computer where I would log him on and set a timer.

M.O.M. Brain=Good Stuff! I am not as powerless in the face of difficult kiddos as I sometimes feel.

Doing the Dance of the Children~

After writing about my fear of new things, I started to think (and be reminded) of other instances where I let fear bind me and how I eventually overcame each thing. I thought I’d write them down. This way when I’m facing another new thing I can come over here and see that I’ve been successful ALL these other times. And maybe my list will help others through their own fears.

I left my iPod in it’s box for a whole year before I tried it out. An ENTIRE year!
When my PC was taken away and my Mac showed up on my desk I shunned it for a month. Once I gave it a try I became a loyal fan. I’ll never go back!
For the 1st 4 months of recording my podcasts I stayed as far away from the process as possible, fearing GarageBand fiercely.
Finding a new Dr.
Going into Tiffany’s (I was so afraid that they’d give me one look and ask me what-the-heck I thought I was doing in there).
Giving my Opinion-Ever.

I stood in my neighbor’s living room and debated with her over a trip I was going to take with my baby. I was going to visit a friend and I was SO paralyzed with the fear of leaving my other children and actually going somewhere. I made up a zillion excuses and like a good and true friend, she shot EVERY ONE of them down. I’ll bet she’s reading this with a smirk on her face, because she knows I took that trip and I had a GREAT time and that it opened the door in me to be able to take other trips. Now THAT’S a friend!

I let a toothache go for more than a YEAR! Resulting in the eventual loss of said tooth!

I FREAKED OUT after a blogging agreement between myself and Kraze Bootcamps. I spent about a week wondering what-in-the-world was wrong with me for even thinking I could do such a thing. Then I went and I kept going and blogging and it got SO Good!!!!! I found out that I was made of some pretty good stuff and didn’t need to be intimidated by push-ups or jumping jacks (though they tried REALLY hard to frighten me).

I cried and explained that I really really didn’t want to have to go through labor and delivery, let’s see…about 8 of the 9 times I did it. Guess what-I still had to. And guess what-I lived to tell the tales.

I’m sure there are plenty of other things I could come up with. I’ll probably publish this post and think of something really great that I forgot to put in here. But bottom line-all these things were HUGE stumbling blocks for me. I spent time agonizing over each thing and when I finally faced them, I found out I was stronger or more capable or actually enjoyed the changes they brought to my life. I know it won’t stop me from having anxiety over new things, but maybe talking about it will ease the fear.

Interestingly enough, I’m noticing that I only become frozen by things that effect just me. When I have to go outside my comfort zone for my kids-Done! A mama’s gotta do what a mama’s gotta do. Hmmm.

Doing the Dance of the Children AND Life and Learning Each Day~

Change and the unknown paralyze me. Sometimes literally. I can sit with the proposal of something new and become completely stuck and immobile over it. Sometimes it simply takes a few minutes or a few hours to get my head around it and move forward, but there are times where I will become so completely stuck over the fear of the unknown and the fact that an idea is new for YEARS. And sometimes, I’ll sit and think about it and then walk away from it completely.

What?! But I’m Jen Lang-Mommy of Many. The woman who can organize my household, keep all the kids’ schedules straight, blog, podcast, post my cooking videos to Youtube, drive and park a 15-passenger van like it’s a 2-seater sports car, breastfeed a baby while pushing 2 other children in a jogger, move houses with 6 small children and a deployed husband…how in the world could I EVER be afraid of change and the unknown?!

All true. And yes, I DO conquer new things all the time, but it doesn’t change what happens inside me EACH time. Here’s the story of how 1 small stumbling block turned into a 2-year detour from which I finally exited, today;

A little more than 2 years ago I changed doctors. We had to leave the clinic on base because they would not allow us to enroll our youngest child. So instead of juggling multiple Drs for the kids, the decision was made to pick a Dr in town. I asked friends about the Drs they used and decided to go with one nearby. It so happened that there was a primary care physician in the same complex that could take me. So I started seeing her for routine appointments. After about 6 months, I became so frustrated with her that I grabbed my shoes, mid exam, asked for my records and told her I would no longer be seeing her. I left her office, my record in-hand and started asking friends what Dr they saw. I got a few referrals and made a few phone calls, but, for various reasons, none of the suggestions ever ended up in me seeing a new Dr.

Time started to go by. Little things would come up-a cough here, an upset stomach there, but never anything important enough for me to actually pursue a new Dr. As more time started going by the idea of a new Dr got scary to me. I found reasons that it was going to be difficult to find one and reasons that made me unsure of being able to find one-Clay was going to retire, what would the new benefits be? I will have to move, why start with a new Dr when I’ll just have to find another one? What if it’s too expensive to find a Dr? What if this cough has gone on so long that now I’m REALLY sick? What if now that I’m really sick, a new Dr won’t take me? What if the new insurance doesn’t cover me being really sick (which btw-I’m not, but I let it build in my head this way). I worked myself into a frenzy of reasons why I couldn’t possibly take the time or spend the $ to get a new Dr. Finally I got an idea to TRY. “Just try”, I told myself. “Just go to the Tricare office-the one you’ve seen signs for-and just ask the question”. “Yes, I know you will probably be told that you’ve waited too long past retirement or that you can’t be seen at that particular facility or that your pants are the wrong length and they don’t see brunettes, but JUST GO ASK”. I told myself “ok”. Then I pondered it for 2 more weeks and finally, FINALLY today I drove straight over there after work and tried not to think of any reasons not to. I followed the signs, got lost and thought of leaving. Then I poked my head into an office and asked where I should go. The lady smiled and directed me down the hall. I walked in and announced that I had 2 questions and guess what! 24 minutes later, I had a new Dr, a scheduled appointment and was back in my car. That’s it! All that build up. All that fear!

I can’t tell you how often this happens to me. This is how I move through life-pushing myself through 1 unknown only to realize that there was nothing to fear and that it wasn’t going to be too hard and that I should remember that for the next time.

Today was a success and I decided to talk about it because maybe if I do when the next “new” thing comes up you can all remind me that it probably isn’t so scary and that I’m probably more than capable of figuring it out.

Doing the Dance of Life, One Challenge At-A-Time~

I think everyday should be a day that includes chocolate. But, today I kept unwrapping these little Dove Dark Chocolate pieces because every little message of encouragement seemed to be written just for me! How often can you say that your chocolate gives you strength?!

Here are 5 little bits of encouragement that women sent into Dove for reasons of their own, that ended up touching me-

L-”We’re in this together”, R-”Strength comes from within”

Top L-”The blessing is in the journey”, Top R-”The future is yours. Grab it!”, Bottom-”Be strong! The cure is near” (we all need to be cured of our own various ailments!)

Good Stuff~