Mommy of Many®

The last few days were full of uncertainty and decision making. It was time to hand the gas-guzzling 15-passenger van over to be sold but that meant I would have only my VW Passat. There were 2 problems with that-It wasn’t running properly and it didn’t fit myself and the 6 kiddos that I have at home. I had NO money for a downpayment on anything and NO money to fix the VW even if it was what I was going to have to drive. On the first day of the uncertainty/decision making the decision I made was to curl up on my bed, cry and take a nap. Hey, at least I made a decision! Day 2 is when the work began. 2 of the most beautiful, loving, hardworking friends you could ever ask for started asking me questions. Real questions, like-what do you owe on each vehicle?, what is the VW worth?, can you get any $ for a dowpayment?, what are you looking to drive?. You know, the stuff that makes you actually start tackling a problem and finding out what you can and can not do. Once I started gathering information I realized that I had the title to the VW and (as long as I could drive it to wherever I needed to get it to) I could trade it in. Then out came computers and Iphones and the search began. After looking and talking and visiting dealers, I came away with a 2010 Town & Country that seats 7, with a warranty that will keep my mind free of worry. I had someone by my side who knew all the things I do not and who offered moral support when I needed it.

As I signed a zillion papers the tears started to flow. I just bought a car! Me! In MY name and with all the things I decided were important to have for my kids. I am now completely responsible for this vehicle. It scared me and made me proud at the same time. One more step to knowing I’m ok-to knowing I can do what needs to be done and that I have a loving support system to hold my hand and pat my back and help me heal and be whole. It still chokes me up! How did I get to be 40 yrs old, have 9 children and not know what I was capable of? I am thankful EVERY day for all the beautiful, strong, encouraging people who surround me each day and have helped me lay the stepping stones on this path I’m walking.

With faith, love and trust I will continue to find out that I am strong, whole and entirely capable of all that needs to be done to get my children successfully into adulthood and myself into living the life ahead of me, fully!

Doing the Dance of the Children~

Yesterday evening Matthew passed away from heart failure. Please continue to pray for the Wise family as they continue on the painful journey of saying goodbye to him. And may we remember his soul in our thoughts and prayers.

This morning the forward most thought on my mind is to ask everyone to pray for Matt Wise and his family. I’ve known the Wise family for about 13 years. We went to church together and my kids played with their kids. We met in San Diego as military families and both have 9 kids.

I’m calling out that you take a moment to offer a prayer for them, after reading their latest post about their son, Matt’s 46-day ordeal in the hospital. I won’t go into all the details, but the last post from Matt’s dad, Mike, deserves some attention. I’ll repost a portion of it here.
“Today has gone from bad to worse. The doctors called a family meeting this afternoon, and it’s obvious why they wanted to talk. Matthew has declined significantly over the past 48 hours, and is currently in very poor physical condition..I met one on one with the head of ICU late this afternoon. He told me point blank that they’ve run out of options. Anything they might do at this point to correct the problems listed above would most likely create new, perhaps worse problems. They can’t cut him open unless his liver improves. That essentially rules out a lung transplant. A liver transplant would be even worse. Both operations would cause massive bleeding. Even the continued use of high-powered blood pressure medications is taking a toll (as we already knew or suspected). They can’t do anything to help his lungs either while he’s in this condition. Fluid build-up is reaching a critical stage. They expect his next complication to be sepsis, or blood poisoning. His doctor told me that this is it – either he gets better on his own, or it’s over. Not something I ever wanted to hear from a doctor, but I’ve heard it once before — at VHC, some 26 days ago after they had run out of options..Matthew, you made it another 26 days after the last crisis, and you’re not done yet! One thing that we’ve learned over these past 46 days is to completely and unequivocally trust in the will of God. We know God has a purpose for all of this, and although we are still too close to the problem to see or understand God’s will, we must have faith that God’s purpose will be revealed to us over time.”

I can’t imagine the pain that this family is going through. Please offer a moment on their behalf.

Here is today’s amusing conversation between me and Lex. It’s getting so it’s a daily occurrence with this kiddo.

Lex-Mom, you know the bread we eat at church?

Me-You mean the host we receive.

Lex-Yeah, the bread we eat.

Me-It’s called a host and…(I went into a brief, explanation of why we don’t refer to it that way and the respect that’s to be given, etc.)

Lex-Yeah Mom, the bread (I suck in a breath and listen to see what else he’s going to say). Well, since Halloween is coming soon do you think they’ll make it shaped like pumpkins for the next weeks?

Me-(Trying so hard not to laugh, but YOU can!) Lex, they never make the host into festive shapes. They’re not going to do that, Honey.

Lex-I asked the guy and he said they were. He smiled and nodded his head.

Me-The guy? OH….(remembering that he was trying to say something to the deacon at Communion on Sunday, when I shuffled him off quickly. And indeed, the deacon was smiling and nodding and surely not understanding a word Lex was saying). Honey, he couldn’t hear you.

So, an intensive course in receiving communion, what it means and why we do it is in order.

Doing the Dance of the Children~

“Dear God,

Please help me to be a ninja when I grow up. And please help Tristan not be upset if I get to be a pirate/ninja so that I can do ninja-ing on the water.”

I love this kid!

Doing the Dance of the Children~

Each new day, new week, new month, new year holds the potential for Good Stuff. We all look at the newness before us as another chance to get it right, to fill our lives with peace, joy and purpose. I have to say that the month of August has been full of just that. On August 1st I handed over the deposit on the new home for my kiddos and myself. Tomorrow I do the walk thru and sign the lease, which means getting the keys! I’m hopeful that Clay’s request for a DITY move is approved (he’s offered to move our things from San Diego to the new house so that we get everything right away instead of waiting up to 3 weeks for the movers). The kids will start their new schools in just a couple of weeks. My 15 yr old daughter will finish up all she’s been doing in San Diego and come join us in this beautiful, new home. Tristan will turn 12 at the end of this month. And to top it all off, I was able to record 2 podcasts with Gretchen of MommyCast that will be released soon. I have to say that August is looking GREAT!

Yes, there’s lots of work ahead-getting back into the school routine, juggling sports, Boy Scouts and finding a new church to get involved in, getting settled into our new home and learning the area, finding our new favorite stores and places to visit. Lots of work and lots of life ahead and I am ever-hopeful that it continues to fall into place and bring more beautiful, supportive people into our lives.

Believe!

I’m looking ahead with joy and hope and glancing behind at the long road I’ve walked and holding onto it so that I remember that even in the toughest of days there’s hope and that with each new day you have to start with the belief that all the Good Stuff is lying ahead, ready for your to grab it, own it and find joy in it.

Thank you for all the good wishes, loving support and prayers that have come my way during this journey. Look, they worked because we believed!

Good Stuff!

Doing the Dance of the Children Full of Faith in All That’s Good~

I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason and in it’s right time. This belief is the only thing keeping me from going crazy about not having a house yet. I’ve filled my days with looking for a house and keeping the kiddos busy and entertained.

We’ve had lots of fun visiting with family and friends and exploring new water play. My beach kids are getting introduced to the river. I’m much more nervous about this than they are. In fact my nerves are frazzled because they’re fearless! I’d like to instill a healthy dose of respectful fear! I’m ever grateful for the people who come into our lives each day and bring little doses of good things! Yesterday the kids got to participate in a little bit of fishing. Max was mesmerized! Fish! Real fish, straight from the water that are still alive! All 4 of my younger kids enjoyed learning about the process and being able to touch the fish as they came out of the water. Good Stuff!

I’m waiting on a phone call for a house I’ve put an application on. Everything is hinging on getting into a house. I’ve got to get these kids registered in school! It starts in just a couple of weeks! Ugh! But my nerves get soothed by little things each day. Yesterday I heard a conversation between Tristan and Max. They were talking about “home”. Tristan said, “Home is where somebody loves you”.

This sentence from my 11 yr old to his younger brother made me feel so much better! They’re ok! They’re being kept busy and happy and they’re not as stressed as I worry they are. To let go and trust like a child is definitely a goal.

Doing the Dance of the Children and Waiting For it All To Fall Into Place

I am so so grateful for the doors that have been opened to us and the support that I’ve been given. The fact that the kids and I have a comfortable, safe place to stay and plenty of fun activities to fill up our days is a HUGE gift. We’ve spent this week keeping busy.

On Tuesday I realized that the schools in this area start a lot earlier than the schools in San Diego and that I better make some decisions and get some plans in motion. I spent Tuesday afternoon and some of Wednesday narrowing down what I want in schools for my kids and came up with, what I believe to be, the best area for my kids to go to school in. On Thursday the kids and I went to the district office to ask questions and get information. After gathering what info we could, I realized that there really isn’t much that can be done without an address.

*tapping my fingers*

I really wasn’t sure what to do. For all technical intense and purposes, our official status is Jobless and Homeless. Those are not 2 labels anyone wants to wear. And when you DO wear those labels, there are many, many choices you just don’t have. Where to send your kiddos to school happens to be one of the choices you might have to give up.

So I spent the rest of the day wanting desperately to move forward, but not seeing anyway to do it. Then…I got a phone call from Clay. He said he’d gotten a job offer and that he could be leaving as early as this coming Monday. We talked about the schools I’m looking at. We talked about what I want for the kids. We talked about how VERY VERY grateful I am to the beautiful people who have been placed into my life and the lives of my children. By the end of the conversation I realized I would, indeed, have the power to go find a place to live for myself and the children, if he, in fact, has or takes this job. I started searching property listings and by this morning I’d made appointments to view houses.

I spent a couple hours keeping the kiddos busy at the pool and then settled them into the house and the dinnertime schedule and left to go see a house.

NOPE! Not the one. Too small. Great area, but we’d be stacked in there a little too tightly for comfort. So the search continues. I say this, not even being sure that Clay is actually leaving for this job. Hmmm…well, I have to keep moving forward, the best I can. The kids need and really, really want answers to what this next school year holds and I keep getting asked when I’m going to go get our things out of storage. I’m just as antsy as they are for the next phase of our lives to begin and to settle into whatever our new routine is going to be.

But I’m so thankful for the little bits we can count on right now and the friends who’ve helped to provide them! Arianna has joined a soccer team and is meeting girls from the area. Having her stay busy and be focused on something is GREAT! She was even able to go with a friend’s family to the midnight showing of the new Harry Potter movie, last night. Good Stuff!

I’m doing all that I can with so much unknown. School starts in a month. I’ll have Maddi back! All 6 kiddos will be together (the older 3 will be off to college) and I’m hoping we have a house full of boxes that are being unpacked.

That’s it! That’s all I can do-keep moving forward with a plan and hope and pray it falls into place. It will. It has so far. Yes, it’s different than I would have chosen, but we are all doing fine and the future is full of Good Stuff waiting to happen.

Doing the Dance of the Children and Hoping to do it in My Own Home Soon~

I woke up this morning as usual-early and w/ my 2 youngest cuddled up to me in bed. Then I looked around and remembered that we were on the 1st day of our new adventure. I laid there and listened to the sleepy sounds of my 4 kiddos. They had been worn out by a long drive (10 hrs in the van) and then a bunch of trampoline jumping, bike and scooter riding and running around with friends. I knew they were pretty worn out. They slept through me showering, getting ready for the day and running out for coffee. I came back to them eating waffles in their pjs.

A good friend of mine has taken us in and made us comfortable. The kids have a place for their clothes, a room to sleep in and plenty of fun, outdoor play to enjoy. Her family is easy-going and welcoming and I feel like the luckiest, homeless, jobless, in the middle-of-a-divorce girl on the planet. Seriously!

So we start this adventure off with packing a lunch and heading out to meet my parents for a few hours of visiting and park play. I have no idea what we’ll do this afternoon, but I know it will likely involve being outside.

Tomorrow Clay is coming with Arianna to get the kids and the van and head to his family for 4th of July celebrating. The kids are looking forward to more adventure and family fun.

I’m confident that there is a Big Plan in play here. That God knows exactly how this chess game is going and I’m willing to continue being His pawn. It’s summertime and we have a couple of places to go. So we’re going to enjoy family and friends, the outdoors and following the Gypsy Wind of each day as it unfolds. Jobs and where we will settle will come. I know it!

Doing the Dance of the Children on a Summer Day~

For the last week, I’ve been going through this house, that 11 people have shared over the last 10 years, and opening the cupboards and closets and getting them cleaned out and organized so that when the movers came it would be easy to pack. Then I found out there wouldn’t be any movers/packers. I spent a day in freak-out mode, wondering how the heck I was going to get this place done, but then I stopped, took a deep breath and kept going. Then, I found out that Clay lost his job and that we would no longer be moving to Sonoma County. Ok! Well, to be honest, I really didn’t want to move there anyway, so I decided I’d look at this as a positive. Sure, come Thursday we will all technically join the ranks of the jobless and homeless, BUT everything will go into storage and I will pack my kiddos up and drive to friends and family. It Summer, after-all and a little bit of gypsy-ism is going to be just fine! I happen to be the fortunate recipient of an amazing friend who has opened her family’s door to us (you can all remember to offer prayers of thanksgiving for her and her family, on my behalf). I do not believe we will be left without a place to go and once I’m able to sit down and think for a few minutes, I’m sure I’ll be able to come up with a plan. Until then, I continue to clean out the cupboards and closets and as soon as Clay arrives and purchases boxes, the actual packing of stuff will begin.

Plus, there’s still all the regular kiddo stuff going on. Mariah is still working and needing rides. Maddi and Anna still want to visit with friends, take tennis lessons, have going-away and bday parties and go to the fair. The 4 youngest kept busy, this last week, with VBS and play dates.

And on Tuesday I take Max for GATE testing. I still have to keep him in the forefront of my mind and know that as much of a regular routine as I’m able to keep, while we go through this move, will do him (and everyone) good. Once I have the results of his testing, I can seek out schools that will be able to offer him the best options.

So, I’m sipping my coffee and listening to the sounds of my 7, sleeping kiddos, on this Saturday morning that will be filled with cleaning, packing, the fair, tennis, the slipNslide and finding a storage unit.

Doing the Dance of the Children and Life~

I tell ya, I really don’t know what’s coming my way each day!

Today’s dose of Keeping Jen’s Life Interesting-Clay lost his job. That’s right…

So, I am still packing and organizing and cleaning out and still have to be out of this house by next Thursday, but I will no longer be going to Sonoma County. I WILL, however, still be heading to Northern California, to friends and family because there’s no other option. Good thing it’s summer! So, me and 6 kiddos will load up into the van, with whatever will sustain us for the summer and everything else will go into storage (here, I guess) and we will let it play out from there.

Believe it or not, I’m not freaking out. What’s the point?! All I can do is what I can do and that means sticking to the fragments of the plan I still have. Honestly, I think it’s going to be good. Out of the ashes, right?

Doing the Dance of the Children…No Matter What~

As my move gets closer, the craziness is intensifying.

Yesterday I found out that the movers, who I was counting on for this huge job, were no longer coming in time for us to vacate by the mandatory date of June 30th. Huh?!

As I’ve looked around this house and done what I could do to clean out and organize, while still taking care of, feeding, clothing, driving around and entertaining 7 kiddos, the one thought that kept going through my head was, “Thank goodness I have packers and movers coming!”. Isn’t God funny? He continually drags me out of my comfort zone and asks me to trust that in my discomfort He will take care of it. You should see the marks on the floor from all that dragging! I dig my heels in pretty good.

So I spent yesterday in a whirlwind of worry, disbelief, anger and despair. I was pretty sure that this just might be the thing that was going to break me. If you got a phone call from me yesterday I want to say Thank You for helping me put my thoughts together and helping me make a plan. By bedtime I had decided to let go of the worry and the control and let it all just happen (this sounds like it was easy, but don’t be fooled!). I was reminded that the most important things I have will be with me in the van-my children-and that everything else needs to be released from my worry. Things will get where they need to go. They just won’t get there the way I wanted. Well, I guess that just can’t be important right now.

I need to spend these next 9 days doing what I CAN do and taking care of my kids and trying to give them all that I am able before we leave. The rest will have to figure itself out.

Doing the Dance of the Children~

You just never know when God’s putting a plan in action. He calls us to trust, to let go and to believe that He’s got it-that He’s actively working in our lives each day. It’s SO hard to REALLY REALLY do this! We worry and fret and stress and lose sleep to anxiety. But over and over again, He’s shown me that if I just go, He’ll take over.

This morning I had a conversation with my oldest, Kateri, about money. I told her I was waiting on a check and that I was really hoping that it would show up today. I let her know what my plan would be if it didn’t. I wasn’t particularly stressed over it, I just knew I needed a plan to put gas in the car until Friday if the check didn’t show up today.

When I got to work I parked and took out my make-up bag to finally get my make-up put on before going in. Im notorious for not getting it done before it’s time to leave the house! While I was applying concealer there was a tap on my window and a mom that I’ve seen over the years, but don’t know well, was standing there with a card for me. She told me that she would miss us and that she’d keep us in her prayers and that she just wanted to wish me well.

I was REALLY surprised! I thanked her and when she left I opened the card. It was very, very sweet-telling me that she thought I was doing a great job with my kids and that we would all be missed at the school, that she would see me online and that she was amazed at how I could stretch a dollar. And inside the card was $100!

$100 from a mom that I hardly know! This was the EXACT amount that I had told Kateri I would borrow if I didn’t get my check today.

Now go ahead and try to tell me that God wasn’t at work here!

Tammy, if you read this, know that you were my angel today. To the rest of us, let it be a 2-fold lesson. 1) To trust that we will always have just what we need, even if we have NO IDEA how it will show up and 2) If you ever feel that little pull to do something for someone and you just can’t figure out why such a thought has come to you, just do it! Know that you are being used for a bigger purpose and that the person you show an act of kindness to will know why you were sent.

Good Stuff!

I’m writing this for each of you as much as I’m writing it for me. Sometimes life becomes so overwhelming and the hurdles so high that we find it terribly difficult to see beyond them-to see the horizon and all the possibilities that this life holds for each of us. I’m writing it because I need to look beyond the hurdles and focus on all the potential the future holds. I need to focus on my potential and my God-given gifts and talents. I need to look beyond the fear of the unknown and pull from the place in my heart that knows-KNOWS I can keep putting one foot in front of the other and walk the path laid before me into the beauty of the great unknown. While I was self-talking and reminding myself of all the good and all the positive and all the strength and all the accomplishments, I thought that it might be a really good thing to give what I’m finding to all of you too.

Believe! Dream! Trust!

We were not made for nothingness. Even when we feel so very small and so very helpless, our potential still lies in wait. Find your inspiration. Pull up from your memory every good, strong and positive word that’s ever been laid at your feet or thought by your mind and let them all wash over you. Let them be the loudest and to quell the voices of negativity that threaten to bind you. You know the truth! Stop begin afraid and trust. Have faith!

Believe!

For the last 3 weeks I’ve been doing my best to trust that everything happens for a reason and that everything always turns out just fine.

This morning I got confirmation of that belief. We are once again, securely, in this house until the end of the school year! I’m pretty sure you all heard my sigh of relief.

Thank you for all the prayers, encouragement and love over these last 3 weeks! Thank you!

Now to get my head back into all that happens each day! I can hear the music again and am looking forward to Doing the Dance of the Children with a Clear Mind.