Archive for the frustrating Category

Well That Explains It!

August 8, 2013

Yesterday I had one of those terribly emberrassing Mommy Moments, where you have a child who’s acting out so badly and you just can’t get them to stop. This usually happens with an overtired toddler, but this was my 7 yr old! We got home and I put him straight to bed. He ended up sleeping for over 4 hours and I figured that being tired was the reason for his meltdown.

Then I got home from work today and found him lying in my bed, watching a movie on the laptop and hot with a fever. Ah ha!

How many times have we, as parents, been able to look back and better understand why our child had an issue…any issue? I’m out of the practice of dealing with toddlers, so his behavior didn’t make any sense to me. But it sure does today!

Doing the Dance of the Children and revisiting old lessons~

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Oh Really? NOW You Let Me Know You’re Listening?!

August 6, 2013

I’m always wondering if the kids hear ANYTHING that I say, EVER. It sure doesn’t seem like it, since I’ve repeated the exact same instructions, every day for over 24 years.

The other day I got home from a long day of work, to run errands with the kids and take them to the gym and pool. By the time we reached the gym, I’d had it with their arguing and fighting. As they were complaining about the swimming, rock climbing and Kid’s Place activities they were going to HAVE TO endure, I yelled, “Stop fighting! Stop complaining about everything! I hate coming home from work and being made to YELL! I don’t WANT TO YELL!”

Max piped in with, “Mom, I’m just going to tell you what you always tell us; you’re in charge of your actions. No one can MAKE you get mad or yell.”

Yeah, thanks Buddy. So glad you’re letting me know you listen.

There’s hope. They really DO hear me and they let me know, just when it’s time to eat crow.

Doing the Dance of the Children and choosing not to YELL~

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That’s Right…Motherhood Really IS F.O.S!

May 15, 2013

Back in 2008 I finally came out and said what I had thought, for almost 20 years of parenting…Motherhood is Full of Shit. Truly! We are continually dealing with the clean up of bathroom issues by our little bundles of joy. You can read the original blog here.

Tonight, I was reminded and wrote the following Facebook post;

I have long said that Motherhood is full of shit.

Yes, it’s predominately the first 2-3 yrs of diapers, diaper explosions and toddlers who like to remove diapers. But it doesn’t end there. No! There are clogged toilets by overzealous wipers. There are overly excited kids who are too deep in play and don’t make it all the way to the bathroom. There are the over-confident bouts of gas etc. I will spare you the current details. But I am confident that I am not alone in my saying….

Yes, Motherhood is surely F.O.S!

Doing the Dance of the Children with rubber gloves on~

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M.O.M.’s Morning Madness or How I Stay Sane~

April 24, 2013

It’s 7:30am and the kids just rode off to school on their bikes. They are dressed, fed, hair-fixed, teeth-brushed, backpacks-packed, school-ready kids. It didn’t happen without a morning filled with Mommy Madness.

I sent Max to bed last night, to get recharged and with the hope that he’d wake up and have a new perspective on his homework. It’s a technique that’s worked in the past. Today it was an utter failure. We sat for nearly 2 hours and got about 7 problems done. This is not because he is incapable of the work and it’s not because he doesn’t understand the work. It’s because he simply decided he wasn’t going to do it. Once he makes that decision, all bets are off! This is the same child that, as a 1st grader, hid MONTHS worth of homework under his bed. ~Sigh~

The best tactic I’ve found to keep my sanity when dealing with difficult children, is madness, goofiness, humor. A silly song about the situation goes a long way to break tension for all involved. I can choose to scold, berate or punish or I can Do a Dance or make up a rhyme. The number of times my kids have heard ridiculous songs can’t be counted.

Once my other children saw that Max was being difficult, it was like a Difficult Free-for-All. “My shoes are too tight”. “I don’t like this food”. “I’m freezing”. “I’m sick”. Name it, I heard it. I broke into song about peanut butter bread;

A little bread
A little spread
Gives us all a very good head

Hey, I have to make the point for the importance of breakfast, somehow!

Next it was scolding shoes that were too tight;

Bad shoes!
Bad shoes!
Why must you be bad shoes?!

I’m sitting here, knowing I need to start my work day and feeling absolutely drained from the last few hours of Doing the Dance! Perhaps a song will help motivate me;

Put on your shoes
Put on your pants
Put on your makeup and get on with The Dance!

I think Paulo Coelho said it best;

Doing the Dance of the Children~

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He’s Breathing Too Loud!

March 5, 2013

Here’s the scenario;

One kid is doing something harmless, but that another kid finds annoying. So the annoyed kid tells the first kid to “stop___”. Kid one wasn’t doing anything wrong, but now does whatever the action was (and sometimes, it’s simply breathing “too loud”) extra, EXTRA annoyingly.

I am then caught between the kid who was needlessly annoyed and the kid who is now purposely being annoying. And let me tell you, it’s AMAZING how loudly a kid can breathe when they know it will further annoy a sibling.

Doing the Dance of the Children~

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My Shoes are FINE!

February 7, 2013

These are Max’s old shoes. He was wearing them until 3 days ago, when I got a good, solid look at the bottoms. I drug him into the store to try on new ones while he boldly and loudly protested that his shoes were FINE.

“FINE…My SHOES ARE FINE! I like them like that. It’s not even raining so it doesn’t even matter! They are comfortable. I don’t NEED new shoes!”

We picked out the 2 pair that would be possibilities for him and chose one of the pair. But the next morning, he was back on the kick that the new ones weren’t right, the old one’s were perfect and I needed to just pleaese, PLEASE, P-L-E-A-S-E let him wear the old ones. I didn’t give in. He’s successfully worn the new pair for the last 2 days. However, if you see one of my kids wearing shoes with nothing left to them, keep in mind it’s not because I’m denying them proper footwear.

Kids!

Doing the Dance of the Children~

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Tummy Troubles

November 27, 2012

For the last few weeks, we’ve been battling some issues with Lex. All of a sudden, he’s started having uncontrollable bowel movements. Some days, he’s been in the bath or shower 4 times. At first I thought he had gotten a flu bug. Then it kept going. I took him off of all dairy products, which were a pretty decent portion of his daily intake; milk on morning cereal, butter on toast, string cheese for a snack, cheese on sandwiches, yogurt for breakfast or an after school snack, chocolate milk for a treat…After 2 days of no dairy, we had an accident-free day. Then 2 accident-free days. Then he went to his dad’s house for the weekend and he was back up to 4 accidents a day. When he came back to me, we went back to completely dairy-free, but the accidents kept coming. So I cut out gluten and anything processed and tomatoes and all juice. After 2 days of eating only plain veggies, almonds, apples and chicken with nothing on it, he was back to being accident-free.

Yesterday I took him to the Dr. because I want to rule out the possibility of a parasite. After-all, he is an adventurous boy, who spent much of the summer tromping around in the greenbelt next to our house. He brought me tiny dead fish and picked up snakes. Who knows what made it’s way into his mouth and then his system. But after hearing all I had to say about the history of Lex’s bowel movements (over the last 3 years, since he’s been potty trained), the Dr. insisted that he is blocked up and afraid to go to the bathroom. He would have no other word or idea about it. He declared with great confidence that he knew exactly the problem. Never mind that I’ve been through that with one of my other children. I remember the pain they were in. I remember rushing them to the Dr., afraid it was an appendix or something terrible. Never mind that Lex is in NO pain and told the Dr. this. He sent us off for xrays and told me to give him a tablespoon of mineral oil once a day. I can’t wait to get those xrays back and hear his explanation for why they don’t show anything!

So we wasted a day at the Dr. I took Lex to school today with his lunch packed and instructions in the office to call me if there’s any issue.

I’ve been given the name of a Dr. in the area who helped my cousin with her children’s food issues and also the name of a chiropractor that’s close by who does stick-free allergy testing. Into the unknown I go!

I’m really hoping to get some answers soon! Lex is looking pale and thin (he’s never been a heavy kiddo, but he’s pretty thin right now).

Prayers and suggestions are appreciated.

Doing the Dance of the Children~

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“Don’t Worry”-I’m Always Saying it. Now I Need to Practice it!

October 29, 2012

“Don’t worry!” “It will all work out.” “God has a plan.” “Worry never did anyone any good.” “Take care of what you are able to and leave the rest up to God.”
These are all phrases that I use regularly. I believe them and I’ve seen the truth in them time and time again, in my own life and the lives of those around me. But it simply never fails that when I’m thrown a curve ball or see a potentially life-changing situation coming at me, I can feel the worry come on. I feel it in my head, as it begins to tighten into a mild headache. I feel it in my shoulders as I tense up and wonder what the plan might be. I can feel it in my stomach as I play the worst-case-scenario scenes through my head.

Why?! Why do I do this?! Why is it so natural to go against all I BELIEVE and all that has been proven to me?

I am choosing to breathe deeply (literally) and I have a glass of ice water sitting on my desk. I’ve uttered prayers of “Your will be done” and I’ve thought of the very worst things that can happen in the unknown. Now…now I need to practice what I preach and let it go and know that there is a plan for every single thing that happens in my life, whether I can foresee the outcome or not. And I need to get back to what I CAN control…the rest of today’s work/getting Gabi to gymnastics/getting Anna to her tennis team party/making dinner/loving those dear to me and offering the unknown to my God, who has never, NEVER let me down.

I ask that if you are so inclined, that you keep my intentions in your prayers and send all manner of Good Stuff my way.

Doing the Dance of the Children~

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What’s Your Button?

October 5, 2012

My proverbial button just got pushed. You know, that one phrase that sets off the absolute worst reaction in you? Mmmmm M! I am so angry and upset! I decided to take to my blog to vent a little instead of seething until I blow.

You know how kids fight, argue and cross the line of pushing each other when they’re angry? You know…normal kid stuff that needs to constantly be both overlooked and redirected? That stuff goes on all the time over here. Both inside my house and in the mix of the neighbor kids. We have some kids here who are adorable to look at, but  spend a great deal of time giving my kids a ton of trouble. But you know…redirect. This has been going on the entire time we’ve lived here. Yes, we are fairly new (14 months) to the neighborhood and yes, we are renters and yes, I’m a single mother with a bunch of kiddos. But DO NOT come into MY yard and reprimand MY kids after YOUR kids have pushed and verbally berated mine and yell at MY kids! DO NOT! And when I come out to see what’s going on and I am told that I’m “*$#%ing nuts” and that my landlord is going to be called because I need to move and that no one likes me or my kids, please expect that I will tell you to remove your children from my yard…permanently!

Now, now that the spike of emotions is settling, I’m left with that icky feeling of doubt. You know, where you start hearing all the angry words over and over again and you wonder what truth could possibly be in them. Me?! Crazy? Inattentive to my children? Unliked? I hate this emotional roller-coaster that can be set in motion.

My reasonable voice knows, KNOWS that my children are well attended to and that I am an easy target. But my house is well tended and tidy and I keep my kids on a pretty tight schedule.

I am now going to go shake it off and make sure my kiddos have dinner, etc. You know…the stuff I ALWAYS do.

Doing the Dance of the Children~

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Kid Induced Crazies

September 29, 2012

It’s not yet 10am on Saturday morning and already I’ve had to shut the TV off and send kids to separate rooms. I’ve found myself saying such crazy things as, “you HAVE to let your brother breathe! It’s part of basic living!” and “DO NOT shake your cereal at him!”

I love love love having the kids home on weekends because we don’t have the rigid schedule of the school days, but when they start out like this, I kinda just want to call it a day and have us all go back to bed. Do over!

Why is it that kids want to constantly pick at each other over EVERYTHING?

Since going back to bed isn’t an actual option, I’ve restarted the day by turning off the TV and handing out chores in different rooms of the house. Perhaps a little silent work will encourage everyone to think twice about picking on each other over the way the breathe, eat, walk or sneeze.

To Saturday!

Doing the Dance of the Children~

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We LOVE Thomas!

August 19, 2012

A True Story-

We have a bin full of Thomas the Tank Engine trains, track and accessories. This bin was greatly loved and played with for a long time. But over the last 2 years, it’s pretty much sat untouched. Lex isn’t a train kid, though his brothers before him LOVED trains, all kinds of trains. But every time I’ve suggested that he go pull out the Thomas bin and build a track, he tells me it’s just not his thing.

Today we have a birthday party to go to for my 5 yr old cousin. When brainstorming gift ideas on a budget, I came up with the idea to give him the collection of Thomas Trains. Perfect! On the way home from church I was going over the things we needed to do to get ready for the party. When I mentioned packing up the Thomas bin, there was an uproar from Max and Lex; “WHAT?! We play with those! Those are OURS!” To which I responded, “No you don’t!. You haven’t played with them in years.”

The minute we got home, they pulled out the bin, set up a train track and to top it all off, they put in Thomas and the Magic Railroad to watch during lunch. WHAT THE HECK! They looked up at me from the floor and stated, “We LOVE Thomas!…Give him the puzzles!”

Doing the Dance of the Children with No Birthday Gift For My Cousin~

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Hey Buddy, Let’s Go Have Sushi

August 11, 2012

School’s around the corner and until this morning I wasn’t sure exactly where Max would be going. He’s been placed on a wait list for the only school in the area that has GATE classes and the school that he was in last year, isn’t his “home” school and would require a request for an inter-district transfer. His “home” school was full for his grade last year. All of this left me wondering what was going to become of Max for 4th grade. A phone call to the district office let me know that I wouldn’t really know until today, when the school offices reopened. So, first thing, I headed over there and got the word that he’s been assigned to his “home” school. This means that he’ll be on the same campus as Gabi and Lex, which is a good thing, but it also means that he’s starting another new school and I have to restart all the processes to get a 504 plan in place for him. Another year of explaining all things Max to a new teacher. I’m already tired and frustrated, just thinking about it. Not to mention how hard it is for him to have things change.

~sigh~

From a mom perspective, it’s great because I don’t have to juggle 2 elementary school schedules, but the pluses and the minuses are kind of canceling each other out.

All of this brings me to my title. Ask any of my kids how they feel when I tell them I’m taking them to sushi and you’ll hear the same thing, “what did I do?”. Somehow, sushi has become the key player in breaking bad news to my kids. Don’t get me wrong, they ALL enjoy sushi, but it’s become a symbol of trouble. And yet, if I tried to break news over any other menu, it just wouldn’t fit. I think I’ll wait a couple more days and then invite Max to the inevitable lunch. He’s not going to be happy about the change, but maybe, just maybe bad news is more palatable when your filling up on unagi…maybe?

Doing the Dance of the Children Chopsticks at the Ready~

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Grateful for a Memorial Day Break!

May 28, 2012

With gratitude for all who have given of themselves for our country, I plan to enjoy this rare day off with the kids!

I know I’ve been silent over here for the last few weeks. It’s been a whirlwind!

As you know, I started working full-time for a marketing agency as their Social Media Manager. I’ve enjoyed taking care of promoting small businesses and events through the social media outlets of Facebook and Twitter. Good Stuff! I’ve learned a lot in the short time I’ve been at the agency. One of the things I’ve learned is that this is the wrong time for me to take on full-time work. Unfortunately, it’s just not feasible for me to be in an office from 8-5 right now. With summer fast approaching and some personal issues that my kids are having, it’s become clear that I need to be at home as much as possible. So after only 3 weeks on the job, I’ve given my 30-Day notice. I will continue to work into mid June and then it’ll be back to part-time work for this M.O.M. Perhaps after summer I can look at that option again, but right now I’m needed at home. ~sigh~

In other news-Kateri graduated from college a couple of weeks ago! With the help of my sisters and some friends, I was able to take 4 days and go out to celebrate her achievement with her. I hadn’t been out to her since her Freshman year, so this was a LONG overdue trip! I was so SO proud watching her! She’s worked hard over the last 4 1/2 years and now she’s onto Grad School. Her dad and I were both able to be there to watch this marker in her life.

Before the Baccalaureate Mass

After the mass

Receiving her diploma (pic captured from the live stream that was watched by family members at home)

A new graduate!

Celebratory drink

I can’t believe my baby girl, the one who started my journey of adulthood and motherhood is a college graduate! Wow! Life really flies by!

Today I’m going to spend the day with the kiddos at a friends’ pool enjoying some Mommy chit chat and watching kiddos enjoy a day of relaxed fun. Lex will spend a good portion of the day in a Ninja Class, while the rest of us are at the pool. In case you didn’t know, Lex’s lifetime aspiration is to be a Ninja and one of my client’s is a martial arts studio and today they’re offering a fun, introductory class to all things Ninja. Good Stuff!

My little ninja will get some swimming time after he learns the tricks of the trade. Pictures to follow!

That’s it from over here. Just taking it all One-Day-At-A-Time and spending a good portion of each day in gratitude for all the fabulous people who are in my daily network, who step up to help me make it all happen. I am a fortunate M.O.M. to have several loving, giving, helpful people in my life and the lives of my children.

Doing the Dance of the Children~

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Teen Stuff-Pipe in!

April 29, 2012

There’s so much background that I could write and write and write, but I’m just going to cover the last 24 hours. Your ideas are welcome!

I was away last night to celebrate a life that touched many other lives. During this time, I got a phone call…from my local police department, to let me know that my 16 yr old was throwing a party at my house and that a complaint call had been made. G-R-E-A-T!

Since I was gone, they called her dad and he came to claim her, the keg and any exciting items left behind by fleeing teens. This is the 3rd weekend in a row that things haven’t gone as they were supposed to. Weekends are to be spent at Dad’s house. But each weekend, she’s been “getting permission” to spend the night at various friends’ houses. But once she gets permission from Dad, she disappears off the radar. No answered phone calls or texts, only to show up at my house, whenever she chooses. Today, I discovered that she’s removed the lock device from her window, so that it can be gone through whenever she comes here and finds the house locked. I’d like to point out that I just took care of that.

So after the police cleared people out and things got settled, she refused to go to Dad’s, where she was supposed to be. So my brother stayed here with her. When I got home I was met with lots of attitude. Talks about repercussions are going on between Dad and I, but I’m well aware that you can’t MAKE someone do anything. I can’t give her extra chores or demand that she work off the amount of the screen that was ruined and thrown away. Yes, phone privileges can be restricted and permission to go anywhere but home can be laid out. But that still doesn’t make a point.

Here’s where you get to pipe in. This is your chance to say, “if she were MY child…” I want to hear what you’d do, what you’ve done or what your thoughts are.

Doing the Dance of the Children~

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No BS Friday

March 16, 2012

It’s Friday and I’m just saying it as it is. Thursday evening didn’t end smoothly and this morning didn’t get off to the best start. I’m recognizing that I can do things better and that sometimes kids get angry just because they don’t like chores or other imposed things from parents. And I’m saying it like this because I know I’m not the only parent out there that drops into bed feeling frustrated or defeated and who wakes up to face another day of trying to do it right, only to have it all seem like it must be going wrong.

It’s my goal to live life with a focus on the good and the many blessings that come to me each and EVERY day. And while that is an important goal and focus, sometimes it gives people the impression that there isn’t great struggle over here. So I’m making sure there’s no BS on the table and telling you all that I feel your pain and frustration and I’m down in the trenches with you. Sometimes we do need a good cry and sometimes the proverbial dishtowel gets thrown in. It’s ok to feel defeated, overwhelmed, overworked and alone. Just make sure you let it out, take a good look at it and then go pick up that dishtowel (the dishes still need to get done!) and take a second and different look at it all. It will look and feel different after you allow yourself a few moments of self-pity.

Ok! Now to pour some coffee, call or text someone who will make you smile. Set a goal of doing one thing, JUST ONE THING, with a little more patience or kindness or whatever it is that’s going to make you feel accomplished toward a greater good and get back into the fight.

I’m going to go pour my coffee (3rd cup…don’t tell!) reapply my makeup and make that phone call and then, well…then I’m going to get on with this day.

Doing the Dance of the Children, Right Along With You~

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