Mommy of Many®

My last couple of days have sure been a roller coaster full of icky, angry teenage angst/A fun day in SF/Some Great Pump-Me-Up Silpada Training/Happiness at Seeing Max be proud of an accomplishment/Fun Kid-Time Crafts and, of course some house cleaning.

2 nights ago, there was lots of angry time in my house. I hate it when that happens and I’m suddenly nominated for The Worst Mommy’s Club. It totally sucks the life out of me and does a number on the little ones. I then have to spend time getting my head back on straight and remembering that just because a teen is angry at me, doesn’t mean the words they’re spewing are true. This can, sometimes, take days to undo. Ugh! But at the same time, I have to ease the little ones’ minds after all the guck they’ve heard. It’s a tough, energy sucking job. This episode ended in a teen staying away from home for the last 2 days. This is UNACCEPTABLE! I haven’t received a call or visit from the parents where my teen is staying and I don’t have any contact info for them. So this morn I let my teen know (through text) that if I didn’t have the info by noon, the school and the police would be called. I’ve been told that my teen will be coming home after school. If not, well, I’ll go back to the plan.

On a lighter note, I got to have my mind soothed by heading into San Francisco, yesterday. I was treated to a fabulous lunch and a tour of a friend’s floral studio before heading over to a Silpada Designs training session. Perfect timing because I have a string of parties coming up and I needed some fresh energy! I got it! I’m excited to get out there, show off this fabulous jewelry, meet some great people, have some fun and make some money. All Good Stuff!

I got to take this beautiful wreath home. It’s draped over my dining table, waiting for me to find the right thing to do with it.

This afternoon Lex and I went over to a local yogurt shop to join Max, who was arriving with classmates in a Hummer limo for selling a certain amount of cookie dough. He was so happy! Afterward, we stayed for a craft time they were hosting (this is getting it’s own blog tomorrow, b/c there’s some Good Stuff to share for all my local mommies! Come back tomorrow to check it out!).

Heading back to school.

So, it’s just about time to start the afternoon pick ups and I’m feeling ready for it!

Doing the Dance of the Children Through it All~

After the school parties we came home, regrouped, freshened up the costumes, bought a bunch of candy and headed out into the neighborhood. I had been invited to bring the kids to a court a couple over from us, so we started over there with some visiting and playing and then hit the sidewalk. Maddi and Anna decided they would stay home and hand out the candy.

Ready to hit the sidewalks

Anna and Maddi ready to hand out candy

My kiddos and neighbor kiddos, ready to Trick-or-Treat

Pretty Maddi

We had a ton of fun! I got to meet neighbors and the kids realized how many classmates they live near. I was especially happy with my new neighborhood when I was handed a glass of wine and told it was tradition and that I could just return the glass to the front porch later. I do believe I love my new neighborhood!

I had made a full crock pot/rice pot meal so that the kids could have so real food after all the sweets, but they never made it to eating. It’s made for an easy dinner night tonight!

I walked with the kids for an hour and then passed them off to their dad who did more than an hour more! The kiddos brought home HEAVY bags of candy. I allowed them 2 pieces and then tucked them away to be doled out over time.

Halloween was FUN! It was nice for us to really feel like a part of our new neighborhood and to see so many friendly faces. We are truly in a good place.

Doing the Dance of the Children~

Here is today’s amusing conversation between me and Lex. It’s getting so it’s a daily occurrence with this kiddo.

Lex-Mom, you know the bread we eat at church?

Me-You mean the host we receive.

Lex-Yeah, the bread we eat.

Me-It’s called a host and…(I went into a brief, explanation of why we don’t refer to it that way and the respect that’s to be given, etc.)

Lex-Yeah Mom, the bread (I suck in a breath and listen to see what else he’s going to say). Well, since Halloween is coming soon do you think they’ll make it shaped like pumpkins for the next weeks?

Me-(Trying so hard not to laugh, but YOU can!) Lex, they never make the host into festive shapes. They’re not going to do that, Honey.

Lex-I asked the guy and he said they were. He smiled and nodded his head.

Me-The guy? OH….(remembering that he was trying to say something to the deacon at Communion on Sunday, when I shuffled him off quickly. And indeed, the deacon was smiling and nodding and surely not understanding a word Lex was saying). Honey, he couldn’t hear you.

So, an intensive course in receiving communion, what it means and why we do it is in order.

Doing the Dance of the Children~

This morning Lex called me into the bathroom and as his lil 5yr old self sat there finishing his business he says,”It should be, ‘Humpty Dumpty wasn’t so comfy…because he fell off that wall’”!

Gotta love lil minds contemplating Mother Goose!

Doing the Dance of the Children~

It’s been a hell of a week.

Through out this years-long process of separation and divorce I’ve been pretty quiet about all I go through. I’ve tried hard (and succeeded) at finding the positive in each day and staying focused on what’s most important (keeping my kids safe, stable and feeling as “normal” as possible). But some days/weeks it’s REALLY hard to have any coherent thoughts at all. I keep getting the rug pulled out from under me. Every single time I rely on the information I’ve been given or settle into feeling secure about what’s been agreed upon, it all changes. It messes with me! I go from being a positive, strong, focused M.O.M. to a mush-brained, semi-frantic, mess. I just want to be able to count on what I’m supposed to know!

Now I’m in a situation where I stand to lose my house and face the real struggle of feeding my kids and where the routine everyone has fallen into is being threatened to be turned upside down.

I don’t have time or energy for being messed with! And honestly, I end up going quiet when it gets like this, because it takes energy just to speak about it.

I know God has a plan. I KNOW and BELIEVE it. I’ve been shown time and time again that it’s going to be ok. But being human, I get all low and scared and my thoughts turn to gloom and doom. It messes with everything! My podcast has suffered, my blogging goes silent and I forget how strong and worthy I am.

Ick!

Yes, I’m strong. Yes, I hold it together while raising these kiddos and making darn sure there’s food and shelter and transportation and meeting with teachers and keeping tabs on what Max needs and pushing forward with getting all that will help him. I cook, clean, do the laundry, fix hair, bathe kiddos (often with the help of Maddi and Anna), support their sports, meet the neighbors and school families, go on field trips, take them to bday parties…

Could I catch a break?! All I’m asking is for a plan that’s agreed upon and upheld. Is that really too much to ask for?!

Ok. I’ll stop ranting. But I thought that maybe, just maybe if I opened this door and let it spill out that the feeling of holding my breath while smiling would leave me.

Doing the Dance of the Children…No Matter What!

This morning Lex woke up early and wanted me to sit and cuddle him. I spent some time holding him and enjoying the quiet of the early morning, but then it was time for me to get to the work I normally get done while the kids are sleeping. So I set him on the kitchen counter while I unloaded the dishes. He watched for awhile and then said, “I really wish you had 4 arms so you could hold me while you do your work.”

Sweet lil guy. He settled for his 2-armed mom giving him a bowl of cereal and allowing him to eat it lying on the counter.

Doing the Dance of the Children~

It’s been awhile since I’ve done a giveaway, so let’s do one!

I’ve partnered with the great people at What to Expect to bring 2 lucky winners a set of 3 What to Expect books. You’ll receive What to Expect When You’re Expecting, What to Expect The First Year and What to Expect The Second Year.

This a perfect set for any expecting or preparing to be expecting mom. Having gone through these years several times myself and knowing that each baby and toddler comes with their own set of surprises, I think you’ll find tons of great go to advice in the pages of these books.

For those of us with older kiddos and teens, I did ask them if they could sent me a copy of What to Expect When Your Kindergartner Cries Each Morning Before School and What to Expect When You Teen Hates the Word “No”. But they didn’t seem to have copies of those. I see a writing opportunity in my future .

To enter, go to the What to Expect Facebook page and like them. Then leave me a comment letting me know you’ve checked it out. Easy! Random winners will be chosen on Friday.

Doing the Dance of the Children and Giving Away Some Great Books~

“Dear God,

Please help me to be a ninja when I grow up. And please help Tristan not be upset if I get to be a pirate/ninja so that I can do ninja-ing on the water.”

I love this kid!

Doing the Dance of the Children~

It’s never fun when your kids have a public meltdown and realizing that you may have been the cause of such an emotionally taxing event makes it even worse!

For the past several weeks, Gabi’s been working hard to earn 10 blue ribbons from her teacher. These little awards are given out for all sorts of good behavior in the classroom. Gabi’s been bringing them home and taping them to her bedroom door, anxious to get to her goal and earn the prize of a trip to the dollar store with me. 2 days ago she brought home her 10th ribbon. Whoo Hoo! We decided we’d make our trip out to the dollar store the following day. Happy, happy girl! On the way, I asked her if she’d rather get a drink at Starbucks or a milkshake or even a yogurt from the local yogurt shop. She answered “no” to all. Ok then! To the dollar store it is! But first I wanted to stop at a local department store that I’d been wanting to check out. Here is where I went wrong.

We meandered through the women’s shoe department and the home department and then stumbled upon the kid’s section. It wasn’t big, but it DID have a fancy, $10 Barbie puzzle that came with all manner of decor to liven it up after you’ve put it together. The idea of the dollar store went completely out of Gabi’s head. She wanted that puzzle! I pointed out $5 items instead, explaining that her reward was really only $1 ($2 on the outside, if she really couldn’t pick between 2 wonderfully eye-catching items). I said I was willing to go with one of the $5 items, but $10 was too much and I’d keep it in mind for her birthday. Once the meltdown started I even went so far as to say that there are often lots of things we want but that they just simply aren’t available to us. In my frustrated explanation I may have said something like, “if you’re offered a fancy cup of coffee, you don’t get to cry about wanting a new car!”. Maybe…

So I carried her into the dollar store, trying to lure her with the likes of fairy wands and whole bags of ring pops. Still the tears flowed. I finally let her know she could pick out 2 items and that I promised I would remember that she wanted that puzzle for the future. Still she cried. Eventually she picked out 2 items and we got back to the van where she started screaming that I needed to go back and return them because she DID NOT want them! Ugh~

We made it home where I asked her  to go spend some time in her room and that if she really REALLY didn’t want the 2 items, I’d take them back in the morning. I made dinner feeling like the worst mom. I totally ruined her experience!

The good news is that she DID get over it. She came out and broke open the paints and the lovely, rose suncatcher and had a great time painting it. Then we hung it in her window. All good.

Lesson Learned! Stick with the plan!

Doing the Dance of the Children and Learning all the Way~

Parents get frustrated. Parents get exhausted. Parents get tired. But sometimes parents get the chance to just enjoy their kids. Today I got that opportunity. Yes, they tested me today. Yes there were fits today. But the Good Stuff outweighed the other stuff. Let me bring you through the Good Stuff of being M.O.M. to these kiddos.

First of all, I had a home sales party today. We cleaned and prepped food etc. Then the older girls took the lil ones over to the spray park by our house. About 45 minutes into the kids being gone, I got a text from one of the girls that read, “Have the people gotten there yet?” I looked at my sister and sighed a little and showed her the text, because I figured this daughter was asking so that she could bring the lil ones home already. When I texted “not yet”. She texted back, “Don’t worry, they’ll come.” Awwwww!!!! How sweet is she?!

On the way to church, this evening, I got a text from my 17 yr old, who’s far away at college. It read, “please send me each of the kids school pics”. More sweetness! I felt bad having to tell her that they don’t even get them taken till this week. It will likely be October before I have pics to send her.

While we were in church, Lex (5yrs) turns to me and asks, “What kind of meat are we? Chicken meat or….?” I swear this kid is always making me smirk in church! I guess he does some of his best pondering in the “silence” of Mass time.

When we got home I was getting kids to bed and picking up when I hear Gabi yelling, “Mooooooommmmmm!!!!!”. I went in to check on her and she threw her covers back and said that I needed to lie down with her because she just loves me. Awwwww! She said it wasn’t fair that she always had to come climb into my bed and that I needed to come lay with her for a little while. Sweet stuff!

To wrap the night up, Maddi (15 yrs) decied to test her “ol’ ” Mom. She sent me a text that read, “I lost my phone. Can you please call it?” Hey! I may be getting “old” but I didn’t fall for that!

It was a good day with my kids. I was able to hear all their sweetness and enjoy the Good Stuff. There was some lesson learning in today, as well. Tristan and Gabi both wanted to get drinks at Starbucks and learned what it meant to “earn” something.

Tristan really really REALLY wanted to try a Starbuck’s Pumpkin Spice latte and Gabi was hoping she had enough money for a pink lime frost. There was van vacuuming and clothes hanging to earn these things. I was really proud of them for working to get what they wanted. I guess it’s just been a good day, all around. I’ll take it!

Doing the Dance of the Children…to some sweet sounds~

Every time I’ve sat down to write about a zillion different topics, my mind wanders to the same one-Max. Max, my brilliant, stubborn, imaginative, frustrating, lil guy who’s locked in a complicated web of ideas, thoughts, outbursts, social struggles, compassion and Aspergers. When he puts his mind to something, amazing things happen and when he’s got his mind locked against something, NOTHING happens. He does best when he’s busy and his mind is working hard on solving problems. But you have to be very careful of how things are presented to him. If he gets an inkling that you’re asking anything extra of him, he will completely shut down and this boy is STUBBORN! But, if something extra is presented as a competition, he’s on it! Oh the games!

I’m frustrated right now because his outbursts are interrupting classroom time, but this is a tough thing to define. There’s no IEP for Max’s “disorder”. He went through the GATE testing, but no GATE classes are available to him.

Just a mommy’s rantings over the frustration of wanting your child to have the best schooling experience possible-one that fits what they need, where they make friends and participate appropriately and are guided where needed and challenged accordingly.

~sigh~

Now that I’m mostly settled in the new house and I know what to expect of my routine, it’s time to seek out what’s going to benefit Max socially and educationally. Sometimes parenting hurts my head.

Doing the Dance of the Children and Looking for the Right Music~

Now that the house is unpacked, school’s in full swing and we’re settling into a routine, it’s time to start getting out and exploring our new surroundings. We’re learning what’s out there and figuring out what to fill our days with that fits M.O.M.’s criteria of-Entertaining for multiple ages, doesn’t require special equipment and is inexpensive. Today we explored Old Town Sacramento with my sister. It fit all the criteria. We ate lunch at home, packed our drinks and snacks and headed out.

I was worried about finding parking for my van, but was lucky enough to find a convenient spot, right away. Whoo Hoo! Our lil visit to Old Town was starting off on the right foot! Our first stop was a candy store. Everyone got to pick out a couple of pieces each. There was much negotiation, but they eventually got the message that they really REALLY were only getting to pick out 2 pieces each.

Then we spent a bunch of time in Evangeline’s. There aren’t any pictures because I was too full of busy worry that I was going to either lose a child or end up with an accidental shoplifter. They enjoyed the shop and I was happy when we were regrouped outside.

I love this pic of Lex! When everyone else was looking out over the water, he was chillin with his drink and his candy. He was just so content.

There was plenty of walking around and seeing what we’d like to come back to do another time. We want to make a trip to the railroad museum in the near future. We’ve always enjoyed the one in Balboa Park and I think it will be fun to see what this one has to offer.

We found some shade and relaxed for awhile. We’re still getting acclimated to the heat and being outside and wandering around tends to leave us hot and sweaty…which we’re just not all that used to.

Gabi took pictures of some old train engines.

The kids had fun with this gold panning station that’s in front of the History Museum.

We checked out a family adventure store and the kids each picked out a few pretty, polished stones to bring home.

We ended our outing with samples at Danny’s Mini Donuts. The kids have always enjoyed going to Krispy Kreme to be able to see the donuts being made and  here, the experience was recreated-in mini. The owner was super friendly and didn’t seem overwhelmed with his tiny store suddenly being filled with kids who wanted to take advantage of his sign that read-”Free Sample”. Don’t worry, I made a purchase for me and my sister. I wasn’t going to let the him hand out all those samples and not buy something yummy!

We had a 2 hour adventure in Old Town, spent about $20 and had a great time. A perfect afternoon adventure!

Doing the Dance of the Children~

When I moved and found out that kindergarten in this area is a 1/2 day program, I was SO annoyed! I couldn’t believe it! Really?! 1/2 day?! After 2 years of 1/2 day preschool, I felt like we were just extending that experience instead of moving forward into a Big Kid role. I wondered how I’d be able to find a job and what sense it made to even look. I thought of a ton of reasons to be annoyed that my last kiddo, my baby, wasn’t going to be in school all day.

What the heck was I thinking?!

I am SO glad to have one more year of getting Mommy & Me time with my last lil guy EVERY SINGLE DAY! We get 2 hours together between when I pick him up and when I pick up the other kids. We don’t always do something exciting, but even if he’s watching a movie next to me, while I’m folding clothes, we are spending that time together. We’ve gotten milkshakes, met friends at the park, done grocery shopping and read books. No matter what it is we’re doing, I’m going to miss this time when it’s over. I’m so glad I was able to get over my annoyance and see the gift I’ve been given! What a lesson for me, to slow down and see things differently.

This M.O.M. is encouraging each of you busy, overworked, overscheduled and patience-worn-thin parents to take a big breath and enjoy the little bit of time in which your kids are still LITTLE. I know I’m going to do my best to.

Doing the Dance of the Children~

Sometimes its hard to juggle what each of my kids need. It’s easy to decide to label them for their strengths and task them accordingly. Every so often I’m reminded that I need to be mindful of their weaker points.

Getting ready for school is always a flurry of activity and me shouting out orders for tasks that need to be attended to. I’d make one heck-of-a drill instructor (not always the BEST quality in a mom)! But on a couple of recent occasions I’ve had a kiddo meltdown during this routine. The excuse has been clothing or shoes and not liking what’s available (how I miss uniforms!), but I know there’s more to it. I know that my tough, locked on, lil kiddo is more likely thrown off because the outfit that they’ve picked out and are not being allowed to wear is more tied to being in a new place and trying to figure out what’s going to be “acceptable” to this new peer group. Ugh! The brainwork that goes into parenting! This requires me being firm about what’s acceptable to be worn to school, but also takes me spending some time (usually in hindsight and after school) to sit with the child and discuss what’s really behind the meltdown over what’s being worn.

I’ve had to realize that under the tough exterior is a fragile little person who needs less drill instructor and more tender, Mommy time. I’m working on softening up my voice. I wake up with the intent to use a kinder, softer voice and it lasts about 1/2 and hour, while I watch everyone meander around with no actual direction and then the GET-ON-TASK, CAN’T-YOU-SEE-WHAT-TIME-IT-IS voice kicks in.

A lesson to keep working on. But you can bet I’ll find time this afternoon to take the lil one aside and talk to them about what’s behind the clothing and shoe issue. I’m hoping that picking clothes out the night before and getting them approved ahead of time will help.

Doing the Dance of the Children~

Too often we forget to tell people what we need or what we may be looking for, which eliminates the chance for people to help or offer ideas

This weekend I was looking for something to do with the kiddos. We don’t know our area very well yet, so I’m not locked into all the places and opportunities that are available for families. After a little thought, I decided to put up a Facebook post asking locals for their best ideas for what the kids and I could do to fill our day. BUT, it had to fit this criteria-Fun AND Free. Soon after, I received a message with an invite to spend the day at a friend’s ranch. She lured us with such enticing offers as-miniature horses, a quad, turkeys, a garden and junk food. The kids (all of them!) were in!

Off we went, not sure what to expect or how long we would stay.

The boys leading Lex on a miniature horse ride

Gabi and Maddi visiting the horses

Max, Tristan and Gabi chillin in the hammock with the kittens

Anna and Maddi spent a good portion of the day giving rides on the quad. I let Maddi take me out. She was sensitive to the fact that I’m not a thrill seeker and wanted to go slowly.

This is just some of the wonderful produce we picked and brought home to enjoy.

We ended up spending several hours enjoying the fun and relaxing day.

Bottom line, if I hadn’t put the word out, this invite wouldn’t have come in. Don’t be afraid to let people know what you’re looking for or what you need. Good Stuff happens when you do!

Doing the Dance of the Children~