After clearing whatever I could find I ran the water and the disposal again. Nope! So I reluctantly went and got the plunger. The only thing that allowed my ick factor to use the plunger is the fact that it’s new. I made a mental note to purchase a Kitchen-Only plunger to keep under the sink.

One of these brightly colored cuties would do

So I plunged and I gathered and I learned that water that won’t drain down the sink WILL come out the handy overflow thingy on top of my sink . Ok! So I made sure it was aiming into the sink and I plunged all the water out of the sink through the overflow. Along with the water came many many potato peelings, carrot peelings and of all things-onion peelings. Someone (who does not live in my house) needs a lesson on what can and can not go down the disposal!

40 minutes later, with rough, dry hands, I cleaned the sink with soap and hot water and replaced the bathroom plunger behind the toilet, where it belongs. And though I wasn’t particularly pleased about having to learn this lesson, I am patting myself on the back for a job completed (not sure about well done).

Doing the Dance of the Children and Learning Something New Everyday~

For the past several weeks, Gabi’s been working hard to earn 10 blue ribbons from her teacher. These little awards are given out for all sorts of good behavior in the classroom. Gabi’s been bringing them home and taping them to her bedroom door, anxious to get to her goal and earn the prize of a trip to the dollar store with me. 2 days ago she brought home her 10th ribbon. Whoo Hoo! We decided we’d make our trip out to the dollar store the following day. Happy, happy girl! On the way, I asked her if she’d rather get a drink at Starbucks or a milkshake or even a yogurt from the local yogurt shop. She answered “no” to all. Ok then! To the dollar store it is! But first I wanted to stop at a local department store that I’d been wanting to check out. Here is where I went wrong.

We meandered through the women’s shoe department and the home department and then stumbled upon the kid’s section. It wasn’t big, but it DID have a fancy, $10 Barbie puzzle that came with all manner of decor to liven it up after you’ve put it together. The idea of the dollar store went completely out of Gabi’s head. She wanted that puzzle! I pointed out $5 items instead, explaining that her reward was really only $1 ($2 on the outside, if she really couldn’t pick between 2 wonderfully eye-catching items). I said I was willing to go with one of the $5 items, but $10 was too much and I’d keep it in mind for her birthday. Once the meltdown started I even went so far as to say that there are often lots of things we want but that they just simply aren’t available to us. In my frustrated explanation I may have said something like, “if you’re offered a fancy cup of coffee, you don’t get to cry about wanting a new car!”. Maybe…

So I carried her into the dollar store, trying to lure her with the likes of fairy wands and whole bags of ring pops. Still the tears flowed. I finally let her know she could pick out 2 items and that I promised I would remember that she wanted that puzzle for the future. Still she cried. Eventually she picked out 2 items and we got back to the van where she started screaming that I needed to go back and return them because she DID NOT want them! Ugh~

We made it home where I asked her  to go spend some time in her room and that if she really REALLY didn’t want the 2 items, I’d take them back in the morning. I made dinner feeling like the worst mom. I totally ruined her experience!

The good news is that she DID get over it. She came out and broke open the paints and the lovely, rose suncatcher and had a great time painting it. Then we hung it in her window. All good.

Lesson Learned! Stick with the plan!

Doing the Dance of the Children and Learning all the Way~

When I moved and found out that kindergarten in this area is a 1/2 day program, I was SO annoyed! I couldn’t believe it! Really?! 1/2 day?! After 2 years of 1/2 day preschool, I felt like we were just extending that experience instead of moving forward into a Big Kid role. I wondered how I’d be able to find a job and what sense it made to even look. I thought of a ton of reasons to be annoyed that my last kiddo, my baby, wasn’t going to be in school all day.

What the heck was I thinking?!

I am SO glad to have one more year of getting Mommy & Me time with my last lil guy EVERY SINGLE DAY! We get 2 hours together between when I pick him up and when I pick up the other kids. We don’t always do something exciting, but even if he’s watching a movie next to me, while I’m folding clothes, we are spending that time together. We’ve gotten milkshakes, met friends at the park, done grocery shopping and read books. No matter what it is we’re doing, I’m going to miss this time when it’s over. I’m so glad I was able to get over my annoyance and see the gift I’ve been given! What a lesson for me, to slow down and see things differently.

This M.O.M. is encouraging each of you busy, overworked, overscheduled and patience-worn-thin parents to take a big breath and enjoy the little bit of time in which your kids are still LITTLE. I know I’m going to do my best to.

Doing the Dance of the Children~

Getting ready for school is always a flurry of activity and me shouting out orders for tasks that need to be attended to. I’d make one heck-of-a drill instructor (not always the BEST quality in a mom)! But on a couple of recent occasions I’ve had a kiddo meltdown during this routine. The excuse has been clothing or shoes and not liking what’s available (how I miss uniforms!), but I know there’s more to it. I know that my tough, locked on, lil kiddo is more likely thrown off because the outfit that they’ve picked out and are not being allowed to wear is more tied to being in a new place and trying to figure out what’s going to be “acceptable” to this new peer group. Ugh! The brainwork that goes into parenting! This requires me being firm about what’s acceptable to be worn to school, but also takes me spending some time (usually in hindsight and after school) to sit with the child and discuss what’s really behind the meltdown over what’s being worn.

I’ve had to realize that under the tough exterior is a fragile little person who needs less drill instructor and more tender, Mommy time. I’m working on softening up my voice. I wake up with the intent to use a kinder, softer voice and it lasts about 1/2 and hour, while I watch everyone meander around with no actual direction and then the GET-ON-TASK, CAN’T-YOU-SEE-WHAT-TIME-IT-IS voice kicks in.

A lesson to keep working on. But you can bet I’ll find time this afternoon to take the lil one aside and talk to them about what’s behind the clothing and shoe issue. I’m hoping that picking clothes out the night before and getting them approved ahead of time will help.

Doing the Dance of the Children~

We’ve had lots of fun visiting with family and friends and exploring new water play. My beach kids are getting introduced to the river. I’m much more nervous about this than they are. In fact my nerves are frazzled because they’re fearless! I’d like to instill a healthy dose of respectful fear! I’m ever grateful for the people who come into our lives each day and bring little doses of good things! Yesterday the kids got to participate in a little bit of fishing. Max was mesmerized! Fish! Real fish, straight from the water that are still alive! All 4 of my younger kids enjoyed learning about the process and being able to touch the fish as they came out of the water. Good Stuff!

I’m waiting on a phone call for a house I’ve put an application on. Everything is hinging on getting into a house. I’ve got to get these kids registered in school! It starts in just a couple of weeks! Ugh! But my nerves get soothed by little things each day. Yesterday I heard a conversation between Tristan and Max. They were talking about “home”. Tristan said, “Home is where somebody loves you”.

This sentence from my 11 yr old to his younger brother made me feel so much better! They’re ok! They’re being kept busy and happy and they’re not as stressed as I worry they are. To let go and trust like a child is definitely a goal.

Doing the Dance of the Children and Waiting For it All To Fall Into Place

For 22 years I’ve been a mom. I’ve been the primary care giver to all of my children over ALL that time. It’s not only been a label I’ve been wearing, but it became woven into the very fabric of my being-shaping every move I’ve made, every schedule I’ve written and lived by. During a great deal of those 22 years I also wore the label of wife. It took me a a long time to come to terms with peeling that label off. Now I’m dealing with how it feels when our labels become intertwined and  I’m learning to draw the line between where one ends and another begins-how you can take one off and still wear the others. Nothing will ever change the fact-FACT that I’m a mom, not just A mom, but M.O.M. and whether my kids are here or elsewhere, my heart still beats with that label. Now I need to find myself, beneath the labels. For a great many years of my time as a mom, I focused only on that part of me. Honestly, between having babies and moving around, because of military orders, there wasn’t much time or energy available to focus on anything BUT being a mom and military spouse. Then one day I discovered that I had a voice and that all those schedules I’d been writing and all the morning memos I’d put together might, in some way, benefit others.

Once I decided to speak people starting telling me that they believed in the good of my voice, that it had great purpose and that it, surely, shouldn’t be silenced. So I started to write and I started to podcast. Immediately people said, “more!”. I rearranged schedules and found time to pick my own brain for what information my years of raising children, moving around, organizing a household of many and living as a single-parent, might be useful to others and began to write shows, blogs and even magazine articles. I began to wear new labels-Published, paid, writer/working mom/podcaster/blogger/organizer/motivator, all of them empowering and beautiful. People started sending me other labels-”McGyver of Food”/”Relentlessly Optimistic”/”Super Mom”/”The Martha Stewart of Holiday Projects”…Soon my labels were vast and I enjoyed them all. I believed I could continue to juggle them all and that they each identified me in a certain way. Now, I have to gather all the pieces of me that have been stuck to each of these labels and put the puzzle together. I’m naming each of these things so that I can step back, read them all and see that just because I removed one label doesn’t change the WHO of what I am-that I am still whole and full of purpose and that I must continue to believe in what God has given me.

This is all important stuff, this self talk. I must hold my own hand and pull myself from the brink of the cliff of this identity crisis. I must own my own being and purpose and decide to move forward, no matter what bleakness or unknown a day may bring.

We must all remember that we are whole beings, no matter the labels we’ve come to depend on or associate with. It can be hard! We tend to decide that we ARE the label. We are so much more!

Doing the Dance of the Children~

If there’s one lesson I’m being forced to learn and adopt in all this change is to let go of the control of planning my day. Every day I wake to wondering what’s coming and when. I’m getting better at rolling with it. But it doesn’t mean I don’t still want it. So, I set a plan in my head and then have to make new plans as things change.

Today the plan was that Clay would pick the kids up and head out to his parents’ for the week. There ended up being too many loose ends in SD for him to leave yet. So now I’m filling the day for the kids and figuring out tomorrow too. Right now they are enjoying the pool and later it’s a rousing trip to Target for a few essentials. This evening I get to go to dinner with 2 girl friends while a brave and compassionate husband watches all the kiddos. That is Good Stuff!

Here’s to learning to live outside our comfort zone and roll with what the Gypsy Wind blows our way.

Doing the Dance of the Children-With or Without a Plan~

“How do people just know what to say and what to do, without practicing or rehearsing?”

I asked what he meant and this was his example;

“Like when you’re at a big, fancy dinner and the guy in charge stands up and says, ‘Thank you for coming. Now eat!’ Then they all say ‘Thank you’ and start eating. How did they know to say ‘Thank you’? How do people know what to do and say?”.

Ah ha! This is what I told him;

It’s called learning Social Graces. As you go through life and you go to more events and meet more people, you learn what to say in each situation and then you’re able to take it with you to the next situation. It’s something you learn as you grow and get older because as you move through your life, you have more experiences and learn more things. These are the things that come with time and age. Don’t worry! You’ll learn them. We all do!”.

Then I drove the rest of the way to school and work, thinking of all the situations I’d been in over my lifetime that taught me just what to say or do in different situations and how many many times I fumbled it all and had to learn from feeling awkward and ungracious or ungraceful. Those lessons are tough ones, but we all learn them, piece by piece, situation by situation.

I love that my boy, who’s living with Aspergers, is noticing that there are certain things that people seem to just know and just do and that he wants to learn them, no doubt to help make being in social settings less anxious or even less confusing. I wish I’d understood that I was going to learn as I went and that I was OK not automatically knowing each of the proper things that need to be done in every social situation! I would have certainly had less anxiety and felt a little more at ease. I sure hope he does!

Doing the Dance of the Children and Hoping To Do it With Grace~

Normal-we all think it’s pretty important.

Well, it’s what I’m needing to let go of. I chuckle at myself for even saying that because, really, when have I EVER been “normal”? I’m the oldest of 9 children, I was a single, teen mom and have gone on to have a grand total of 9 children of my own. None of that fits society’s views of “normal”.

But surely my kids are normal. They’re all good-looking, read just fine, present themselves in a “normal” fashion when out-and-about, play sports and go to private schools where, if anything, everyone is normal or above normal. Geesh! Normal is certainly what my kids are.

Yeah right! As I’m being forced into clearer vision and thinking, I realize that my kids have always been slightly outside the societal norm. My oldest has chosen to pursue all of her higher education in faith-based schools-certainly not the norm for most. My oldest son struggled mightily with what “normal” was supposed to be. He always had strong ideas on what was right and what was wrong and that you should always be choosing to do what was right. I look back, with a heavy heart when I think of a note he wrote in 6th grade, telling his father and I that he was grateful for the Catholic education he was receiving, but that he was really having a very hard time with not having any friends. We encouraged him and pushed him through. He struggled with grades because of poor handwriting and downward-spiraling self esteem. He became angry and aggressive. And then God stepped in and introduced us to the right environment and peer group for him and within a few months he became happy, full of life and by all means, “normal” once again. Hmmm, environment changed everything. Changing our perception of where he “should” be or what sports he “should” be playing and trusting that we couldn’t provide all the answers, changed his whole life.

I could go on down the line, describing each of my children and the ways in which I perceive them as “normal” and the ways in which they are so much more than that. But really, I now need to focus on my 7th child. My 8yr old son.

I look back to bringing him home after his birth and how sensitive he was to all his environmental stimuli. He was coming to a home with 6 older siblings. 6 boisterous, outspoken and noisy siblings and this didn’t work well for him. Every time someone yelled or ran through the house with happy screeches, he would shake and cry. He couldn’t sit in the baby swing. The movement seemed to terrify him. TERRIFY! He only slept if he was directly on me or swaddled in my blanket or clothing (I learned to cover him in things that smelled of me). I asked questions of people I knew who worked in special education or had children with challenges of their own. But little by little we all seemed to develop coping mechanisms. I noticed that he started to become noisy if everything around him was noisy. I learned to tell him to look me in the eye when I was giving him directions and to have him repeat what I’d said. I learned to assign a number to each task and ask him to go through the numbers. I learned that riding a bike was frightening for him but that he could ride a scooter like nobody’s business. I learned that his fine-motor skills were low for his age and we stopped trying to buy shoes with laces. So, we learned to try to make it through each day with a minimum of challenge. But not everyone is his mom and not everyone is so accommodating or patient (I use “patient” loosely when describing myself) and he started to have real challenges in the classroom last year. He couldn’t grasp the concept of getting things done in a certain timeframe. His thoughts on any given subject were too big for the classroom discussions and he just can’t NOT say what’s going through his head. So he became frustrated at not completing things on time and with the fact that he has poor handwriting and he just decided to give up on doing the work all together. He started hiding his work or destroying it. This meant that his grades plummeted and he was put on academic probation. ~sigh~ It was just a downward spiral. Then he started 2nd grade. New teacher, new year. And she worked REALLY REALLY hard with him. We kept our communication open and discussed various ways to help him function within the classroom setting and finally we discussed getting him into counseling so that he could have better tools to draw from to perform successfully. His grades have been up. He’s not hiding work. Both the teacher and I, realized that he is more than capable with any of the work placed before him.  All in all, it’s a better year. But through the open communication between teacher, parent and counselor, it was suggested (strongly) that he be tested for Asperger’s. While I wasn’t totally surprised, I was challenged. I cried for 3 days. Not for myself, but for my child who possibly needed something more, something different and had been pushed through with the hope that he would finally “get it”. I spoke with a couple people and then had the testing scheduled.

We don’t have a full report back yet, but I’ve been given a partial report and he seems to fall, quite solidly, in the spectrum for Asperger’s. Yesterday I was told that according to the tests, he has an IQ of 156 (I placed a link here because until yesterday, I didn’t know what any IQ scores meant and am betting that most people are in the same boat I was) and that it’s suggested that he be placed in a more challenging school environment. This is where I have to fall back on what I learned with my older son (who was never tested for an “disorders” and has no diagnosis of any) about trusting that environment makes all the difference and where I have to let go of “normal”. I want what’s best for each of my kids. But I’m also having a tough time letting go. I will continue to read, research, talk and learn and I will continue to be human and fight my own ideas of “normal”. And, you can bet I’ll be talking about the whole thing as it unfolds.

Doing the Dance of the Children~

Here’s a fun way to review the #’s you’ve already learned.

Give each child a 1/2 Dixie sized cup of Skittles and a paper plate

Have them gently pour the cup out, onto the plate

Have the kids separate the Skittles into piles of each color and then ask them to count one color at a time, moving through the colors of the rainbow. We found that using 1/2 a cup was a good amount because they were familiar with those #’s. Any more than that was confusing for them (we did this 2 days in a row, as with all of our projects, and on day 1 we filled the cups and it didn’t work well). The BEST was when we got to Blue. There are no blue Skittles in a regular pack of Skittles, so it was a great lesson in “0″ and “none”.

We went around the class through each of the colors, charted the kids’ answers and then totaled each child’s Skittles. We then talked about less and more and left the chart up for a couple of days.

Doing the Dance of the Children~

Lately I’ve had a morning issue with one of my younger kiddos who’s learning (or needing to learn) some time management skills. Every morning he drags behind in the routine and often forgets to put things into his backpack or to brush his teeth. This means I’m constantly reminding and rushing him. Often times all the other kids will be in the car and he’ll still have no shoes on, no backpack ready and his teeth are unbrushed. It makes me want to pull my hair! I’m trying different ideas to keep him on task, but so far none have worked. I’m getting ready to make him a check list that he can carry with him in the mornings.

This morning when everyone was in the car and I had to come back into the house to move him along, I handed him his backpack and he started complaining that he was cold and needed a sweatshirt and was thirsty and needed water. I decided to teach a lesson about being uncomfortable because of your own actions. I told him that he’d just have to get a drink at school and that he’d have to feel a little cold today because he didn’t get his uniform together in a timely manner and that every time he feels cold today that he will have a chance to remember that if he had gotten things together on time that he’d be warm.

Harsh? Maybe! But I’m betting he’ll think about it. And for all of you who are thinking what a mean M.O.M. I am……we live in San Diego for goodness sake! It’s not like he’s in Pittsburgh fighting snow in a tee shirt!

So, lesson #8 is that as a parent, we must remember that it’s our job to continually guide our kids through the tough lessons of life. Ultimately we will be building a stronger future for our little ones.

Have a great day~

While I was out shopping, I picked up a new wallet for myself. So this morning I was switching everything over when I decided it was finally time to get rid of those cards in my wallet.

I haven’t used a credit card in several months. I made a decision to use only cash for all my grocery shopping, filling up the cars and personal shopping. Each payday I go to the bank, take out the budgeted amount, divvy it into marked envelopes and off I go, staying on budget and being more conscience of what I’m buying. But…I left the cards in my wallet, like a security blanket. It was silly, really, because they’d been canceled and weren’t even there for “emergency usage”, they just simply made me feel better.

This is the first Christmas that I can EVER remember that I’m going out to the stores, cash-in-hand. I know exactly what I’m spending and I won’t have any remorse come January. It’s been a really great experience! A difficult transition, in the beginning, yes, but SO worth it in the long-run!

So today, I grabbed the scissors and the garbage can and I made confetti of all those useless and enslaving cards! New wallet and no security blanket!

Doing the Dance of the Children and Staying on Budget~

I knew I wasn’t going to be able to make this morning’s 6am Kraze Boot Camps class, so I had let Aaron know I’d be trying out the evening class. By 1pm, everything had changed. Mariah got called into work and Arianna needed a ride home from tryouts. So, M.O.M. had to put my plans on hold and make sure that everyone got to and from where they needed.

But the lesson in it is to not get discouraged and to start right back into it again tomorrow. Starting this program meant breaking old habits and starting new/healthier ones and in the past, if I got out of a routine, it was always hard for me to jump back into it. I’d feel like I might as well expect for things to come up and just not plan time for myself. So, in keeping with my better/healthier attitude, I need to wake up tomorrow morning and jump right back in.

Tomorrow, I do believe it’s abs/core & cardio. Gettin’ ready!

For the last 3 days I’ve been browsing craft stores and sitting, for hours, at my computer, pouring over pictures of Arianna and Maddi. All of this in the effort to get started on their 8th grade, graduation, memory boards.

Did I wait until days before they were due because I didn’t know what to do or what to expect? Heck no! These are the 4th and 5th boards I’ve done and a year ago, when they finished 7th grade, I told myself I should start prepping the photos so I wouldn’t be rushed or anxious. Ha! It’s just that everything got away from me (whine, whine, whine, excuse, excuse, excuse). I was single-parenting, due to deployment and I spent the summer days keeping the kids busy. The nights were spent trying to catch up around the house and to get a little sleep. Then the Fall came and I went to work (more excuses). I spent each day juggling school, housework, sports and a work schedule. Then February arrived and my brother came to stay. Life got a little easier. I looked around at all I was behind on, thought of the girls’ graduations that were merely months away and did another load of laundry.

Fast forward to the first weekend of June…Uh…it’s time!

This week is a little crazy and I’m feeling overwhelmed. But, the girls will graduate. The boards will be done. Life will move on.

So-deep breath and a glass of water for this M.O.M. and tomorrow I will tackle a little more. And hopefully I’ll learn from my great dislike of anxious feelings and not do something like this again…

Somehow I have a feeling I’ll be writing like this again. There are lessons we just don’t learn.

Doing the Dance of the Children~

Division Volleyball Champs

Anna received Most Improved Player for soccer

Kateri helped keep Max busy when he got bored of listening to the awards. They made up a game that kept Max happy.

Tristan read the night away. Notice that he’s 1/2 way through that book. He started it after school THAT day!

After the banquet was over I made a quick trip to the grocery store that ended my evening with a smile and some sweet, fresh breath.

I’m an avid gum-chewer. I almost ALWAYS have more than one pack of Polar Ice-flavored, Eclipse Gum in my bag. When I was in line at the check out, last night, I was gazing through the gum selections and noticed Trident’s new line of Trident Layers. I am no fan of fruit-flavored gums, but noticed their mint/melon package. I pointed it out to my sister and wondered, aloud, if it would be any good. She suggested I buy it and give it a try, but I said I’d wait until another time. After I’d paid for my $14 worth of groceries, the woman in line behind me asked the checker if she could please buy me a pack of the gum I’d been wondering about. To my GREAT surprise, she handed the checker the pack of gum and some $. She said she wanted me to give it a try and that I should have it. What?! She handed me the pack of gum, with a big smile and I opened the pack and offered her the first piece. Together, we gave Trident’s new flavor a try.

Honestly, it doesn’t matter WHAT that gum tasted like, it was the BEST piece of gum I’d ever been given! After exchanging thank yous, names and hugs, I left the store with some sweet, fresh breath and the feeling that I lived in the best place on earth. It truly is the simple things that make a person’s day.

Let’s all remember Caroline’s little act of fun and kindness and find a way to spread it around today. And by-the-way, the gum wasn’t half bad!