Yesterday I received texts from both my teen girls in the same minute and they said nearly the same thing, “come pick me up, right now”. I texted one of them back and asked if they were ok and that I thought it was weird to hear from both of them at the same time. Did something happen at school? Was everything ok? She answered back that crying was involved and I needed to come right away. My Mommy heart hurt and my head worried as I tried to think of what could’ve happened. I got to the school, checked them both out and waited for them to come out to the car. “What’s wrong?! What happened? Do I need to talk to anyone?”

My questioning was met with a fit of giggles. M.O.M. had taken the bait and fell into the trap. All that was wrong was that 2 girls each had the same idea to get out of school and then collaborated to make it happen. As I drove them home I reminded them of the story of the Boy Who Cried Wolf~

Then there was today. Today…

Maddi is my 5th teenage girl. Each and every one of them has tested and broken my house rule of no piercings, other than ears. I’ve had tricky nose-pierced daughters who kept a small plug in their piercing when at home and covered it with foundation and powder. I’ve had blatant cartilage pierced girls who basically told me that my rule didn’t matter and what was I gonna do, physically remove it from her? I’ve had to stick to my guns, put my foot down, turn off phones, remove privileges and ask for backing from their father. But today…ugh! Today was my first time having to enforce the rule by demanding that a bellybutton ring be removed and handed over. There was much discussion afterward, lots of angry words directed at me and the “stupidity” of my rules. I was asked “why?” over and over and no matter how many times I gave the same answer, it was not going to be readily accepted. I gave my reasoning-”ears only until you’re 18, not in my house, and have had plenty of time to think about whatever piercings, tattoos or alterations you plan to make to your body”. It’s really not so unreasonable. And honestly, unreasonable or not, it’s my rule and that’s the end of it.

If there’s one thing that sucks the life out of me, it’s when teens start the circle of conversation that leads nowhere. They are going to continue to say the same things, ask the same questions and throw out the same insults in the hope that if they say it/ask it enough times, you’ll give a different answer. Somewhere in the circle is the claim that you don’t hear them and are not listening to them because if you were, surely the final answer would change. Circles, circles, circles…

I know I will continue to be tested by all my kids, little ones and teens alike. I hope they don’t take me to the breaking point before I’m done with the job.

Doing the Dance of the Children~

“When you don’t follow the instructions I’ve given you and I find you wasting time, you take away my choice to say, ‘Good job, Gabi!’ Instead I’m left with only things like, ‘what are you doing?’ or ‘Gabi, I told you to go take a shower’ and then you feel like I’m yelling at you. I don’t like it when you take away my choice to tell you how great you’re doing and instead have to tell you AGAIN to do what you KNOW you’re supposed to be doing.”

She didn’t particularly like the answer, but it’s the truth. Kids take away the possibility for us to tell them what a great job they’re doing. I’m sure there are those that disagree. I suppose I could give such praise as, “Great job disobeying! You’ve got that DOWN!” Or “You are SO good at doing the opposite of what I’ve asked you!”. But that just seems like it would mess with their heads more than straight up, stern-voiced reminding.

Doing the Dance of the Children~

Before Max went to sleep, he came over to tell me that he’d figured out how it all works;

“The real fairies are so small and hard for us to see that they kept getting squished. So they decided it was best for them to stay in their land and they just communicate the right things for the parents to do through the phone calls and sometimes in whispering or thinking. This is why when you wake up and see the parent putting the money under your pillow, that they’re doing it. It just isn’t safe for the real fairies anymore”.

I refuse to do anything but nod, smile and hug that boy over this explanation!

Doing the Dance of the Children and Cherishing Their Imaginations~

Max has been anxiously awaiting one of his wiggly “silver” teeth to finally make a clean break and leave him holding what he believes to be his ticket to the Dollar Store or the Dollar Spot at Target. Today was the day! He came home from school proudly holding a small, orange, plastic tooth holder with his trophy tooth inside.

Here’s where your help come in…

DO NOT let me forget to call the tooth fairy!!!! I am known for my horrid tooth fairy skills! I can’t let the build up on this tooth go uncelebrated.

Calling all Mamas-remind me!

Doing the Dance of the Children and the Tooth Fairy~

I never do this-I never publicly complain about how it is. But tonight I’m hot! I’m so dang hot and I’m so sick of being on 24/7 and having every single waking moment be about the well-being of my kids (as it should be), only to have an angry teen berate and bully me because they don’t get what they want. Guess what?! Sometimes the answer is “NO”! No, you are not allowed to watch an inappropriate movie and NO you don’t get to bully me because of my appropriate parenting. And dang it…I’m sick and tired of being blamed for how unfair it is that your life had to change. You know what?! Mine did too! And I don’t always like it. But I’m making the best of it and I’m working my behind off every moment of every day to make sure I’m doing the very best I can for all of you. Sometimes that’s going to mean you’re being parented and teens, even in the very best of situations, aren’t always happy with being parented. But it’s still my job!

It’s not fair!

Yep! Totally not fair! It’s not fair that everything I thought I was working for was a sham. It’s not fair that after 9 kids and 40 yrs of life that I have to worry about how to keep food on the table and a roof over most of those kid’s heads. It’s not fair! But it’s life! It’s life! And honestly, fair or not, each day brings something beautiful and I am working SO hard to give as much of that beauty as I can to my kids. That’s the goal of each of my days. I want them to feel loved, protected, secure and free. And you know what?! I want the same for myself. So go ahead, be angry. Call me names. Tell me it’s unfair and that I’m horrible. I’ve done what I needed to. Every single step I’ve made has been put before me and I know that God’s with me each day. And I won’t stop parenting. Not because of your fit. Not because of your anger. Not because you bully me and not because you tell others lies about who I am. It’s my job and I’ll keep doing it.

It’s not fair, but it’s true!

Doing the Dance of the Children!

Doing the Dance of the Children~

2 nights ago, there was lots of angry time in my house. I hate it when that happens and I’m suddenly nominated for The Worst Mommy’s Club. It totally sucks the life out of me and does a number on the little ones. I then have to spend time getting my head back on straight and remembering that just because a teen is angry at me, doesn’t mean the words they’re spewing are true. This can, sometimes, take days to undo. Ugh! But at the same time, I have to ease the little ones’ minds after all the guck they’ve heard. It’s a tough, energy sucking job. This episode ended in a teen staying away from home for the last 2 days. This is UNACCEPTABLE! I haven’t received a call or visit from the parents where my teen is staying and I don’t have any contact info for them. So this morn I let my teen know (through text) that if I didn’t have the info by noon, the school and the police would be called. I’ve been told that my teen will be coming home after school. If not, well, I’ll go back to the plan.

On a lighter note, I got to have my mind soothed by heading into San Francisco, yesterday. I was treated to a fabulous lunch and a tour of a friend’s floral studio before heading over to a Silpada Designs training session. Perfect timing because I have a string of parties coming up and I needed some fresh energy! I got it! I’m excited to get out there, show off this fabulous jewelry, meet some great people, have some fun and make some money. All Good Stuff!

I got to take this beautiful wreath home. It’s draped over my dining table, waiting for me to find the right thing to do with it.

This afternoon Lex and I went over to a local yogurt shop to join Max, who was arriving with classmates in a Hummer limo for selling a certain amount of cookie dough. He was so happy! Afterward, we stayed for a craft time they were hosting (this is getting it’s own blog tomorrow, b/c there’s some Good Stuff to share for all my local mommies! Come back tomorrow to check it out!).

Heading back to school.

So, it’s just about time to start the afternoon pick ups and I’m feeling ready for it!

Doing the Dance of the Children Through it All~

The great people at America’s SuperNanny just contacted me and asked if I’d help get the word out that they’re looking for San Diego families to apply! I wish I was still there because I’d be the first in line! Come on, we’ve all seen the awesome results these families get. Who wouldn’t want some parenting tips tailored specifically to your own family by a hands-on expert?!

Here’s a little more info;

“AMERICA’S SUPERNANNY” seeks San Diego families!

The hit parenting series SUPERNANNY is moving to Lifetime with an all-new, all-American nanny!

This season we’re looking for families with MULTIPLE CHILDREN of ALL AGES (toddlers to teens) experiencing extraordinary parenting or disciplinary challenges. Mean girls, bullying boys, kickers, biters, screamers, whiners…America’s SuperNanny is ready to take them on!

All types of families are encouraged to apply. If interested, please email Casting Associate, Gina Marks, at gmarks@shedmediaus.com.

Please include the following information:
– Name
– # of children, ages, gender
– Contact info
– Specific region of residence
– Recent family/kid photos (if available)
– A BRIEF account of your situation and why you need Supernanny’s help

For families in need of some super parenting advice, this could be the opportunity of a lifetime!

Apply here if you’re interested.

Good luck, San Diego families! While you’re applying, I’ll be here…

Doing the Dance of the Children~

Congrats to each of you!

Doing the Dance of the Children~

I’ve partnered with the great people at What to Expect to bring 2 lucky winners a set of 3 What to Expect books. You’ll receive What to Expect When You’re Expecting, What to Expect The First Year and What to Expect The Second Year.

This a perfect set for any expecting or preparing to be expecting mom. Having gone through these years several times myself and knowing that each baby and toddler comes with their own set of surprises, I think you’ll find tons of great go to advice in the pages of these books.

For those of us with older kiddos and teens, I did ask them if they could sent me a copy of What to Expect When Your Kindergartner Cries Each Morning Before School and What to Expect When You Teen Hates the Word “No”. But they didn’t seem to have copies of those. I see a writing opportunity in my future .

To enter, go to the What to Expect Facebook page and like them. Then leave me a comment letting me know you’ve checked it out. Easy! Random winners will be chosen on Friday.

Doing the Dance of the Children and Giving Away Some Great Books~

For the past several weeks, Gabi’s been working hard to earn 10 blue ribbons from her teacher. These little awards are given out for all sorts of good behavior in the classroom. Gabi’s been bringing them home and taping them to her bedroom door, anxious to get to her goal and earn the prize of a trip to the dollar store with me. 2 days ago she brought home her 10th ribbon. Whoo Hoo! We decided we’d make our trip out to the dollar store the following day. Happy, happy girl! On the way, I asked her if she’d rather get a drink at Starbucks or a milkshake or even a yogurt from the local yogurt shop. She answered “no” to all. Ok then! To the dollar store it is! But first I wanted to stop at a local department store that I’d been wanting to check out. Here is where I went wrong.

We meandered through the women’s shoe department and the home department and then stumbled upon the kid’s section. It wasn’t big, but it DID have a fancy, $10 Barbie puzzle that came with all manner of decor to liven it up after you’ve put it together. The idea of the dollar store went completely out of Gabi’s head. She wanted that puzzle! I pointed out $5 items instead, explaining that her reward was really only $1 ($2 on the outside, if she really couldn’t pick between 2 wonderfully eye-catching items). I said I was willing to go with one of the $5 items, but $10 was too much and I’d keep it in mind for her birthday. Once the meltdown started I even went so far as to say that there are often lots of things we want but that they just simply aren’t available to us. In my frustrated explanation I may have said something like, “if you’re offered a fancy cup of coffee, you don’t get to cry about wanting a new car!”. Maybe…

So I carried her into the dollar store, trying to lure her with the likes of fairy wands and whole bags of ring pops. Still the tears flowed. I finally let her know she could pick out 2 items and that I promised I would remember that she wanted that puzzle for the future. Still she cried. Eventually she picked out 2 items and we got back to the van where she started screaming that I needed to go back and return them because she DID NOT want them! Ugh~

We made it home where I asked her  to go spend some time in her room and that if she really REALLY didn’t want the 2 items, I’d take them back in the morning. I made dinner feeling like the worst mom. I totally ruined her experience!

The good news is that she DID get over it. She came out and broke open the paints and the lovely, rose suncatcher and had a great time painting it. Then we hung it in her window. All good.

Lesson Learned! Stick with the plan!

Doing the Dance of the Children and Learning all the Way~

I’m frustrated right now because his outbursts are interrupting classroom time, but this is a tough thing to define. There’s no IEP for Max’s “disorder”. He went through the GATE testing, but no GATE classes are available to him.

Just a mommy’s rantings over the frustration of wanting your child to have the best schooling experience possible-one that fits what they need, where they make friends and participate appropriately and are guided where needed and challenged accordingly.

~sigh~

Now that I’m mostly settled in the new house and I know what to expect of my routine, it’s time to seek out what’s going to benefit Max socially and educationally. Sometimes parenting hurts my head.

Doing the Dance of the Children and Looking for the Right Music~

Getting ready for school is always a flurry of activity and me shouting out orders for tasks that need to be attended to. I’d make one heck-of-a drill instructor (not always the BEST quality in a mom)! But on a couple of recent occasions I’ve had a kiddo meltdown during this routine. The excuse has been clothing or shoes and not liking what’s available (how I miss uniforms!), but I know there’s more to it. I know that my tough, locked on, lil kiddo is more likely thrown off because the outfit that they’ve picked out and are not being allowed to wear is more tied to being in a new place and trying to figure out what’s going to be “acceptable” to this new peer group. Ugh! The brainwork that goes into parenting! This requires me being firm about what’s acceptable to be worn to school, but also takes me spending some time (usually in hindsight and after school) to sit with the child and discuss what’s really behind the meltdown over what’s being worn.

I’ve had to realize that under the tough exterior is a fragile little person who needs less drill instructor and more tender, Mommy time. I’m working on softening up my voice. I wake up with the intent to use a kinder, softer voice and it lasts about 1/2 and hour, while I watch everyone meander around with no actual direction and then the GET-ON-TASK, CAN’T-YOU-SEE-WHAT-TIME-IT-IS voice kicks in.

A lesson to keep working on. But you can bet I’ll find time this afternoon to take the lil one aside and talk to them about what’s behind the clothing and shoe issue. I’m hoping that picking clothes out the night before and getting them approved ahead of time will help.

Doing the Dance of the Children~

All of a sudden my house has gone from girl-dominated to boy-dominated. Yes, I have 3 of each in the house right now, but my older 2 girls pretty much have their stuff down and I’m not “managing” them as much as I’m “managing” the 4 younger kids. And 3 of those 4 younger ones are boys. I am the oldest of 9 children. I have 7, yes 7, sisters and 1 brother. He’s the youngest. He was only 5 years old when I left the house with my oldest child. Then I had JJ, who was surrounded by 4 sisters. Now, I’m scratching my head and trying to figure out what’s the “norm” for a houseful of boys who are fairly close in age.

For the last few weeks I’ve found myself in constant “STOP IT” mode. I’m beginning to wonder if it’s me that needs to stop it and just let them battle it out, annoy each other, argue, wrestle and fight. I really just don’t know. I feel like they’re constantly throwing things, banging on things, battling each other and competing. Normal boy stuff? I sure hope so because I’m feeling worn out and my throat hurts from repeating the same instructions and directions a ZILLION times each day. How much is just what boys do? Even with an age difference do they still have to establish a pecking order? When do I intervene?

Help!

Doing the Dance of the Children and Wishing it Was More Like Dead Poet’s Society than Lord of the Flies~

Tristan-MOM! Lex says he’s going to be a pirate when he grows up. A pirate! He’ll get arrested, hung and die!

Me-Hey Lex, you wanna be a pirate, huh? Tristan, it’s gonna be ok! Chances of him ACTUALLY becoming a pirate are pretty slim. If it happens, we can have a different conversation with him. But for right now, let’s just let him dream. Remember when you used to tell me you were going to go to the Island of Metra Nui and be an explorer? You said you’d really miss us all, but that it was just what you were gonna have to do.

Tristan-Yes (a little slumped over).

Me-I never told you that you couldn’t go, did I? I just let you dream about it. I bet you’re not still thinking it’s something you’re gonna do, right?

Tristan-Right (again with the slumpiness)

Me-So let’s just let him dream.

Doing the Dance of the Children and Trying to Keep Their Dreams Alive!