Category — parenting

There are several topics I want to write on but I will be sitting with my first grader, overseeing the many, many, many pages of work that were hidden from not only me (under the bed), but from the teacher (crumpled in the desk) over the last few weeks. So…off to the dining table I go with an arm load of paper work for me and several sharpened pencils for him.

Doing the Dance…

Luke-Xavier was asking me about when I would die. I explained that we don’t know when anyone will die, but that we all, do in-fact, die. I told him it’s all part of the steps of our life-we’re born, we live and we die. He was concerned about being dead and never seeing anyone. I told him that we have a soul inside of us that lives forever and that if we are good, kind and loving that we get to live in Heaven and see all the people we miss and explained that God is in Heaven waiting for us.

He thought for a second then looked at me very seriously and said, “Then I will be naughty so I don’t go anywhere. I just want to keep living and stay here.”

I can see that this is going to take a little more explaining. Until he gets it…watch out!

Good night~

Max-”Mooooooom!!! Luke-Xavier peed in our bedroom!”

Me-”Ok, I’m coming”

I got to the bedroom and couldn’t find Luke-Xavier or the pee spot. I called him a few times but got no answer. Then I heard rustling…

…coming from the laundry basket

I stood over the basket and called again (ok, first I ran and got the camera)

The little imp was hiding in the laundry basket because he had climbed under his bed and peed on the floor and was afraid of his punishment.

Great…just what I wanted to do, climb under bunk beds and clean the rug. He’s lucky he has such an impish grin.

Have a great day~

United Through Reading is a program that believes in uniting families through reading. They have a military program that is offered through the USO at selected USO sites. A service members can stop into the USO and pick a book for each of their children and then make a video of themselves reading the book or books.

Yesterday, we received 2 packages at our doorstep. They were each filled with books and Beanie Babies (not sure if the Beanie Babies are part of the program or just a fun addition). There were 9 books inside, one for each of the kids (Kateri and JJ, I will send yours along). They were accompanied by a DVD of Clay reading some of the books and talking to the kids. They loved it! The 4 youngest sat down and watched the video. They followed along with their books as Clay read. Maddi took her book, retreated to her room and came out an hour later, declaring that she’d finished it and proceeded to tell me the whole story.

When Clay first left on this deployment, he made a video of himself reading one book and the video and book were sent to us. But the DVD was very small and I couldn’t get any of our players to read it. This new one is regular sized and played right on my computer. Everyone was happy to get the replacement!

Lex with Chicka Chicka Boom Boom (it was read SEVERAL times last night)

Gabi, Max and Tristan with their new books

Gathered around the computer to watch and listen to their stories

Clay reading Love You Forever to the kiddos

Happy faces

Thanks USO for making this program available. And thank you to the DFW International Airport Community which helped make our video possible and all the generous, everyday Americans who help to support this program and make it possible for so many!

Have a great day~

Over the last week there’s been an outbreak of lice in my children’s school. Two of my kids have had children in their classrooms with confirmed cases. The thought of lice always makes me crazy because of the magnitude of what it means in my house.

Over my 20 years of motherhood, I’ve had to delouse my children and house on 2 occasions. The many hours of hair treatments, bagging up stuffed animals, washing laundry for days on end (which is ALREADY the norm here, so now imagine the added laundry that comes with lice!) made me HATE lice with a passion and work hard to prevent it by hammering into my kids heads that they absolutely CAN NOT share hair items or scarves etc. It’s been about 6 years since we’ve had to deal with it, so I guess my rules have worked.

However, now that I’m also in the environment with the kids, I’m getting panicky. After much thought and checking the kids’ heads several times, my new advice is this;

Play only with hairless, naked children!

Have a great day~

I am now on my 5th teenager. I have one kiddo that is through the teens and onto the 20’s and 4 who are solidly in the teen years. And the #1 thing I’ve learned about teens is that you can not…let me repeat…can not make a teen do something they have decided not to do. Sure, you can deliver consequences for their actions or lack there of, but if they’ve decided not to come off the roof because they are angry at you, you can not MAKE them come down. Yes, you could climb onto the roof and push them off or drag them down, but I don’t recommend that. If they’ve decided they aren’t going to get out of bed and go to school, you can not, in fact, MAKE them get out of bed, get dressed and go to school. You CAN drag them out of bed, try your darndest to dress them yourself and force them into the car, lock the door and speed out of the driveway. But along the way, if there’s a stop sign…they can jump out. I think you get what I’m saying.

As I look back on being a teen myself, I shouldn’t be surprised by having learned this lesson. I distinctly remember standing in my parent’s kitchen and having the thought, “they can’t actually MAKE me do anything. They can yell at me. They can ground me. They can fine me or refuse to take me somewhere. Heck, they can kill me. But I still won’t have done the dishes”. Dang! Knowing that I thought that way, I shouldn’t be surprised at the stubbornness I sometimes encounter in my teens.

What you CAN do…wait it out. If they’re on the roof and it’s going to get cold and dark, they will come down…especially if you aren’t demanding that they come down. If they won’t get out of bed for school, take the phones, turn off the internet and go about your day. I’m serious! The less attention you give to the behavior the quicker it disappears. Of course, if it becomes chronic then intervention will be needed, but I’m talking about the occasional defiant action. You don’t want your teen to become a truant or to live on the roof and if the dishes aren’t getting done at all, then, yes, something besides ignoring their defiance needs to be done. I’ve found that if I just let them have their strong-willed outburst and then say “no” to the next couple of things they ask to do, it gets the message across.

Bottom line…teens can be tough! Even the very best, most studious and polite kiddos can decide to rear their defiant heads. I’m encouraging you, as the parent of a teen, to take a deep breath, silently decide what the consequence will be, let them finish their defiance and then deliver the consequence. I’ve found it saves a lot of yelling.

Have a great day~

School, work, lunches, homework, cub scouts, laundry, broken items in the bathroom, Christmas cards, school pictures to send out, Kateri coming home, JJ coming home, Clay coming home, Christmas dinner, Christmas shopping, Christmas wrapping, phone calls, bills, folding socks, looking for the missing box of Christmas decorations, clean the yard, clean the garage, make sure the vehicles don’t run out of gas, Science Fair projects…STOP!

The Science Fair threw me over! I’ve been juggling the list above and was holding it together pretty well, until last night and the Science Fair. Weeks ago one of my kids gave me their list of needed items for their project. I took the list, placed it on my desk with the million other papers and moved along with daily life. Yesterday it was ABSOLUTELY the last day to get the stuff for her and have her do her experiment. I told her that I couldn’t find the list, but that I was headed to the store and she could just text the list to me. This is the text I received;

Blender
3 disposable pipettes
1- 10 ml graduated cylinder
3- 50 ml flasks
1 stirring rod
Graph paper
Distilled water
Cheese cloth
Corn or potato starch
Glass beaker
Tincture iodine
Frozen OJ
Bottled OJ
Canned OJ
Oranges
Juicer

Uh…I was at Vons, not a medical lab! You can only imagine the conversation that occurred after that text. After acknowledging that she was not at fault and had done everything correctly, in giving me her list weeks ago, and that I had dropped the ball by not looking at it and trying to figure out where to get these things, I started to cry. Yep, crying seemed like the best way to go at that point. I mean, what kind of mother am I? I had the list and I left it till the last minute. I promised I’d call her teacher and explain. First I had to stop crying. Poor teacher! I got her on the phone and only got through, “hi, it’s Jen Lang” before the flood gates opened again.

Yikes!

Long story short, she told me that I did not need to cry over the science fair and that my daughter would, indeed, have the time she needed to get things done.

Whew! Sometimes there’s just a straw to break the camel’s back and yesterday it was the science fair. Thank goodness for kind and understanding people!

Have a great day~

This question recently came from one of my readers. With her permission, I thought I’d share it and my answer;

Hi. So I’m asking for M.O.M advice. I know a lot of big families but they either have all small kids or they tend not to be involved in as many activities as my kids. Yours seem to be in a lot of stuff, too, so here’s the question. Or problem. Mine are driving me absolutely nuts with the last minute stuff. I forgot my… I have rugby practice… I need a…. This morning at 6:20 my son informed me that he needs a flash drive because he lost his a long time ago. But he needs it today. He knew I went to staples last night. Then, he forgot his rugby stuff. Which means that I have to drive it to him instead of him getting a ride to rugby.

Here’s the thing: If I stop them from going to sports because they forgot their added practice or gear, I feel like I’m punishing the team, not them. But I’m trying to get them all over the planet and work… So I’m being punished.

Any advice?

Laura

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yeah, I’ve been there (and still am from time to time). I totally understand what you mean about punishing the team. But…the kids key into that quickly and understand that you’re not willing to let the team down, so they’re off the hook. So, sit them down and tell them (I like to tell them things AND have it in writing so that they understand it’s not going away) that the next time that you have to run around because of their forgetfulness or mismanagement of time, that you are going to give them an extra chore that they can pick from a list of extra chores (make it something substantial, that doesn’t usually get done, but that you REALLY WANT to get done). If it happens again, after an extra chore has been given, then tell them that they will be fined (this is IF they have $. A teen’s $ is usually hard enough earned that they don’t want to have to relinquish it for something that isn’t what they WANT). IF it happens AGAIN after that (make sure you keep track) then they lose the privilege of the sport for the day/week/one game…you decide. BUT, they will have had PLENTY of advance warning, so it’ll be THEIR decision to let the team down. AND let them know that they will have to give the coach (and team, if you choose) an apology for letting them down and tell them why it happened. This all puts the ball in their court. They have plenty of advance notice of what the cause and effect are and the decision is theirs.

That’s my advice. It’s hard to make them accountable for their actions, but it can be done.

Good luck!

This day, this day. What a day. Ever had one that is just wrong from the moment you get going until you just, plain call is quits?

We are driving Mariah to her carpool each morning, which means we leave the house at 7 am. This is a huge task! We normally leave at 7:30 and none of us has adjusted well to the loss of 1/2 an hour. Today, there was much dragging of feet, forgetting to brush teeth and losing of shoes. We left 10 minutes late and with no shoes for Tristan. I really didn’t have a plan for how that was all gonna work itself out. We started to drive to meet her carpool and called along the way. Yep, missed them! Through clenched teeth I said that I’d make some phone calls, focus on getting Tristan some shoes and figure it all out. I called work to let them know I would get the majority of the kiddos to the school they go to and that I work at and then would have to drive Mariah up to her school. I then made a call to see if a pair of shoes might be able to meet Tristan at school. No dice! I headed to Target…it was 7:30 am and they don’t open until 8. AHHHHHHH! I made another call in hopes of shoes meeting Tristan at school. BINGO! Ok, off to the school. Mariah was offered a ride, albeit late, to school, from the school we were heading to. Big breath! This just may all work out.

After much discussion, we decided that Mariah would stay with me and help out in the preschool because getting to school late, on a short day of testing, really wouldn’t serve any purpose. So…extra hands at school today. This actually worked out very well. Mariah is truly wonderful with preschoolers. Who knew?!

Oh…the shoes! We were, graciously, met in the school parking lot, with a perfect-fitting pair of shoes for Tristan.

After making it through the preschool day (one potty accident on Lex’s part) I took Mariah to a sushi lunch and then headed to the grocery store. My basket was full when my phone rang…preschool was calling…another potty accident for Lex and even though there were extra clothes available, he had no extra shoes to replace the pee-soaked ones he was now wearing. Off I went to the preschool to pick up Gabi and Lex, bring them home and then head back to get the other kids, after volleyball practice. Weeeeeeee!

On my way, I received another phone call. This time it was a friend letting me know that a dear woman, who I’ve loved and admired for her strength, faith, compassion and love had passed away. Whew….! The story behind this is a blog unto itself and when I find the right words, I will write it. But needless to say, I had an emotional rest of the day.

So, here I am, counting my blessings and reflecting on the people who have touched my life and the precious moments that are within each day…even the challenging ones. I’m taking a big breath, having a glass of wine and being thankful for all that I got to live today.

Live!

Good night~

Yesterday Tristan came to the van after school with a tooth in his hand. He was very excited, saying that the loose tooth he was working on had finally come out. Then he said, “Mom, don’t forget to call the Tooth Fairy”.

This sentence has become a staple in our house when one of the kids looses a tooth. Too many times M.O.M. has, indeed, forgotten to call. I make a mental note on the pad of paper in my head and often I find that I go to sleep with out checking the list! This has made for some interesting Tooth Fairy adventures.

There have been times when a sad child will come out of their room in the morning, holding a small baggy with their tooth in it,saying, “She forgot”. This is when I get to say, “No! She tried but she couldn’t find it. You must’ve had it in the wrong place under your pillow. Move it to the other side tonight and I’ll call her to let her know you still have it”.
OR…
A kiddo will come out saying, “I put my tooth under my pillow but it’s not there and the Tooth Fairy didn’t leave me any $”. This is when I feel lucky because I know that the tooth must’ve gotten pushed off the bed during the night and I can sneak in, put some $ under the pillow and then say, “Are you sure?! You better go check again”. I just have to make sure I find the tooth and get it out of there before it’s seen on the floor or under the bed.

Once I sent Clay on Tooth Fairy duty and he put WAY more money under the pillow than I EVER would. I leave .50-$1, unless there was something special about the tooth or the way it was lost. On this occasion he put loose change and bills under the pillow. The ecstatic child came running out in the morning declaring the amount of their Tooth Fairy loot. I had to explain that the Tooth Fairy must have tripped and spilled her bag or that amount would never have found it’s way under their pillow. I had to think fast so that the next time, this would not be expected!

The Tooth Fairy was called last night and when Tristan awakes, he’ll find his tooth gone and $1 in it’s place. But I have to admit that I DID fall asleep without making the call. Luckily, I get up early enough that I was able to remember and take care of it!

When I put out the word that I needed help remembering, people shared some great stories! Take a minute to share your Tooth Fairy story here. Not only are they great to read, they make me feel better about my Tooth Fairy shortcomings!

Have a great day~

Many of you know that I get up at 4:15 every morning so that I can get some time that’s just for me and to get things started before I have to wake the kids. It gives me time to think in the quiet while I pack lunches, fill the crock pot, etc.

This morning I had a few minutes left before waking the kids when Luke-Xavier came walking into the kitchen. I cuddled him a little (I love that he’s still little enough to scoop up and cuddle on!) and set him on the counter. He asked me for chocolate milk and I had to explain that we are out of chocolate but that I could make him vanilla milk with whipped cream. He wasn’t too sure about it, but he let me get started anyway. I pulled out the container of whipping cream and he giggled at me and said that that wasn’t whipped cream, it was for coffee. Oh! A moment for magic! I told him I would turn it into whipped cream. He smiled at me like I was the silliest mom ever. So, I poured some into a bowl, added sugar and took out the hand-beater. He still thought I was silly. Once I turned it on and started mixing he watched closely. Pretty soon he yelled, “it’s whipped cream!” and clapped. I scooped up a finger full and put it in his lil mouth. He was so happy! Then I warmed the milk, added a little vanilla and plopped some cream on top.

Happy boy. Happy face. Happy morning moments!

Have a great day~

Fits. I’ve been dealing with them for the better part of 20 years. I’ve seen my share! I can remember being a new mom and trying to give choices to lure the child out of the fit. I can remember being a little more seasoned mom and trying to be stern and give NO choices to lure the child out of the fit. As time and children have gone on, I’ve tried different methods, only to find that what works with one child on one day may very well not work for any other child (not even that one) on any other day.

Now that Gabi and Luke-Xavier have started school, their days are full of routine and they are getting used to authority figures other than me. They don’t like this! They’ve each put in their fair amount of effort to try to be in charge in the their classrooms. I work in the preschool through lunch and when nap time comes, I’m off. So, each day, they line up to be ready to nap and I grab my purse and go. They’ve caught on to the routine and have decided that nap time doesn’t seem so great because Mom won’t be there anymore.

Yesterday I got a call from the preschool director saying that Luke-Xavier had been having a stubborn fit for the better part of an hour and did I have anything that I normally do to help him stop a fit. I snickered a little, because I know how VERY stubborn he is. I know that when he throws a fit, it goes until he’s finally exhausted and falls asleep. We’ve tried many things with him, but I didn’t have any thing I could give her that would make him stop right away. I felt bad because I knew he was disrupting all the kids that were actually trying to sleep. I knew he must be really tired because every other day of school, he’s fallen asleep quickly and slept like a rock. But I also knew that if I went to get him that the fits would go on each day and he’d learn that if he throws a fit for long enough, Mom will come get him. So, we made the decision that he couldn’t win or we’d be done for the year! We decided to just let him finish the fit on his own and that when he was finally tired enough, he’d crash. I gave her permission to just leave him asleep, wherever he may land and to keep up the regular routine with the rest of the class. The last thing I wanted her to think she had to do was wake up a child that had finally fallen asleep 5 minutes earlier and then have to deal with the aftermath of his sleepiness.

He did, in fact, fall asleep on the classroom floor and he woke up feeling much better. Let’s hope that he learned the lesson that throwing a fit doesn’t bring me back to “rescue” him from nap time.

So, I guess this lesson in the Learning Lessons series is actually 2 lessons, one for the parent and one for the child. It’s about sticking to the routine and standing firm so that the child learns that they can’t be in charge of controlling the it. It’s a hard lesson!

Have a great day~

Yes, I’m a mommy of many and yes, I love each of the kiddos for all of their talents and potential and all that each one brings to the family dynamic. But sometimes I get a little burst of lovey-doveyness for one kiddo or another. This week it’s been Luke-Xavier.

He’s been such a lil trooper since starting school. He’s become a boy overnight, instead of my baby. He runs around with all his new friends, making up games and being all tough and rowdy. He sings me “silly” songs that he learns at school but will still come and cuddle up and say, “I love you so much”.

I took the above picture, a couple of days ago when he insisted that he needed to wear the goggles. He said they helped him see people and clouds better.

Just gotta love him, in all his 3 yr. old cuteness!

Good night~

I’ve spent the last couple of weeks getting everything ready for school and the busy schedule that comes along with the school year. Today’s the big day and all the loose ends are finally tied up. Everyone’s uniforms are in order, new shoes have been purchased, the required school supplies are labeled and packed in bags and backpacks and everyone’s been signed up for sports. Whew! After catching my breath, I realized what a big part many people play in making it all happen for me and the kids.

Being a military spouse and a Mommy of Many means that there are a huge number of variables at play on any given day. With Clay deployed, going to schools or flying crazy hours, making the kids’ schedules happen is my job. Piece by piece it all falls into place. But this couldn’t happen without the many people who step in to fill the gaps.

I really wanted to take a minute and say thank you to the great neighbors, friends, coaches, teachers and fellow moms and dads that make the Lang Clan successful. Without your generosity of time and caring, we wouldn’t be able to make it all happen.

Thank you!

Have a great day~

It’s been a really long and frustrating afternoon/evening of cranky kids and soccer practices. I really got worked up into a mess of tense anticipation over what the next unfocused antic was going to be. I thought I was going to snap, so I packed up my chair, the snacks, the toys and all the other stuff I lug around all afternoon and changed my focus. I decided to watch Luke-Xavier run around. Honestly, being able to switch from the “organized” play of practice to the free-spirited energy of a 3 yr-old made me feel better.

We got home and it was time for baths and showers. Max headed to my shower but came out surprisingly fast. I ran through the check list;

Me-Did you wash your hair with shampoo?
Max-Yes
Me-Did you scrub your body with body wash and a scrubby?
Max-Yes
Me-Come here and let me look at your hair.
Me-Hmmm…It doesn’t look like you had any shampoo in here (6 yr-olds usually leave a little residue that needs help getting rinsed out. The total lack of bubbly residue made it difficult to believe that he had lathered and rinsed).
Max-To tell the truth, I couldn’t get to it.
Me-What about your body?
Max-No, didn’t do it.
Me-So really all you did was get wet?
Max-Yeah, but wasn’t it a good start?

~sigh~

I’m counting on being able to look back at these moments and smile. It’s what keeps me from snapping!

Good night~