Mommy of Many®

I’m writing this because I know there are plenty of parents out there that will read it, nod there heads and think, “Yep! Been there”. But mostly I’m gonna write it to release it from me and to feel better.

I hate having to punish my kids. I HATE IT! Why is it so necessary?! Why can’t I simply say, “you need to be quiet because Mommy’s in traffic and I need to concentrate on not getting in an accident. So just listen to the music and talk later.” and actually have them DO it?! Instead I have to make threats, turn around 15x, let them know that I can see them in my rear view mirror and I KNOW they are causing their siblings to scream.

Ugh!

This afternoon I made a dinner that I could easily pack up and take along so that the 3 youngest and I could head out to a swim meet for 1 of my girls and they could eat at a reasonable time and it wouldn’t cost me a bunch of $ eating out. After we were all back in the van, I gave each of the little ones their bowls with pasta, veggies and ground beef. This is when the naughtiness started (I’m ignoring the 1/2 hour of naughtiness before this). My 4yr old handed me his bowl and started telling me how much he hated the food. He went on and on about how he wanted something else and how terrible it was that I served him a “meal” that only had 3 ingredients. I let him know that not only did he not have to eat anymore of it, he wouldn’t be eating ANYTHING else for the rest of the night.

Then the fit started. He started throwing his shoes and socks and picked up papers and through them on the floor. I let him know that if it didn’t stop he would have a punishment when we got home. It subsided, a little.

We had to stop on the way home to pick up one of my kiddos that was at a playdate. I left the 3 little ones in the van with my 14yr old and went in to gather their brother. Next thing I know, I’ve got a call from the 14yr old letting me know that my 4yr old and 6yr old have gotten out of the van and are running up the street after neighborhood kids. To the van I went. I buckled them back in and told them that when we got home they would be putting on their pjs and heading to their rooms for 1/2 hr time outs.

This is where my 4yr old kicked it into high gear-He says to me, “that’s ok. I like being naughty. I’m not gonna stop being naughty and you’re the worst mom ever!”. And THAT’S where I let him know that he would be going to bed for the rest of the night.

So, we got home, I got him into his pjs, gave him the warning that he would either take his punishment and go to sleep or he would be facing bigger consequences. After about 30 minutes of kicking the wall and getting out of his room, I let him know that he would not be going to the birthday party he was looking forward to tomorrow.

This is where he started crying-Heartfelt sobs of, “If I don’t go then I won’t know what cake they have”.

I had to crack a smile over that one.

So that’s it-My journey through this afternoon/evening full of naughtiness. Guess what…I feel better! I had a feeling that if I wrote it all down and sipped a glass of wine while doing it, that by the end I would, surely, feel better!

Let’s see, it’s 7:30 pm. Can I go to bed once this glass of wine is finished? Parenting can be exhausting!

Doing the Dance of the Children~

Sometimes my kids really surprise me!

I have an older child that has been refusing to learn how to do laundry for the last few years. About a month ago that child came to me and asked me to please show them how to do the laundry. I uttered a prayer of thanks and proceeded to show them how. Ever since then, they’ve been knocking it out! But that’s not all!…

A few days ago that same kiddos told their 11 yr old sibling that it was time they learned to do the dishes and that they should come to the kitchen for a tutorial. The 11 yr old looked at me in disbelief and I let them know that it was INDEED time for this lesson and that it’s a vital life skill because they aren’t always going to live at home where Mom picks up the slack and dishes get pretty stinky after a few days. So the older sibling led the younger one in their 1st round of dish-doing.

How great is that?! There are so many times that I look around the house and wonder if anyone sees anything or if they just take for granted when things are picked up, put together and organized. It’s a great thing to get a little affirmation that these skills are, indeed, being learned. And it’s a really great thing when those skills and lessons get passed on unexpectedly from one sibling to another.

Good Stuff!

Doing the Dance of the Children and Feeling Proud of My Kiddos~

For all those wondering how my Wednesday Morning tactic worked…

We have been out the door, on time the 2 days since.

THAT, my friends, is parenting in action!

Make no mistake, my girls are still not happy with me. However, they take seriously that I WILL be leaving at 7am, no matter how much they complain about it.

I will take this little step forward and tuck it away to draw from. Parenting successfully takes persistence, consistency, strength and the knowledge that you WILL be facing much anger and adversity. The light at the end of the tunnel is that they too will become adults and possibly parents and will someday see the method to your madness.

Doing the Dance of the Children and Calling for Back Up~

This Morning…sometimes you have to risk seeming insane to get your point across…especially when dealing with kids (teens in particular). So here’s my story. I hope you find my point.

It’s a school day. This means there’s a very specific routine that’s been set in place to make everyone and everything successful. When the kids refuse to follow the schedule and routine, everything gets mucky and we end up forgetting things and being late. I’m up at 4 to get the lunches packed, laundry going, dinner in to the crock pot, shower, get dressed, check the computer and then get the kids up and going. I wake the older girls at 5:30 and the 4 younger kids at 6am.

Lately it seems that the kids are refusing to get up when I come in to wake them. Over and over I’m going into their rooms and having to demand that they get up and ready so that we can be out the door by 7, drive up to the high school and then back to the kids’ school where I work. Traffic can get tricky if we leave later, throwing the entire morning off.

Today I decided I’d had enough! After doing all I do each morning and even taking the time to make smoothies and pop waffles into the toaster, I NEEDED to get dressed and have a little help with the little kids. I gave a 15 minute warning. Then I gave a 10 minute morning. Finally I gave a 3 minute warning. When 7am rolled around, I grabbed my bags and my keys, said goodbye to the kids and walked out the door. That’s right, I left! Since I didn’t have to drive up to the high school, I went through the Starbucks drive thru. Mariah called and asked me if I knew where the keys to the van were so that their uncle could come use the van to get them to school. I realized that I had all the keys with me. Drat! This meant I had to go back. So, I headed back to drop off the keys. The older girls had gotten the younger ones ready, so I took them in my car to school and left the older girls to get a ride.

There was FURY and disbelief in their voices and their words! They couldn’t believe how crazy I was to do such a thing! They declared that I was the stupidest and worst mother EVER! They shook their heads and muttered.

Lesson learned? I hope so!

I have spent nearly 22 years raising children and running an ever-growing, every-changing household. I’ve got it down pretty good. Now, to convince everyone that I know what the heck I’m doing! The schedule it VITAL! I’m dealing with a lot of people and a lot of demands and so far, I’ve kept it running smoothly. I can’t let the ideas of lagging teens start to unravel all I’ve worked so hard to make happen.

Madness? Maybe.

Doing the Dance of the Children…Dang it!

As a parent, one of our biggest and often toughest jobs is teaching our kiddos the lessons they need to lead a successful, happy and productive life. It would all be so much “easier” and “peaceful” if we could just take the hands-off approach and give in to every whim, want and fit. But that wouldn’t be parenting. That would simply be existing. Sometimes I’m tempted to exist because I’ve taught the same lessons over and over with each child.

Lately I’ve had a morning issue with one of my younger kiddos who’s learning (or needing to learn) some time management skills. Every morning he drags behind in the routine and often forgets to put things into his backpack or to brush his teeth. This means I’m constantly reminding and rushing him. Often times all the other kids will be in the car and he’ll still have no shoes on, no backpack ready and his teeth are unbrushed. It makes me want to pull my hair! I’m trying different ideas to keep him on task, but so far none have worked. I’m getting ready to make him a check list that he can carry with him in the mornings.

This morning when everyone was in the car and I had to come back into the house to move him along, I handed him his backpack and he started complaining that he was cold and needed a sweatshirt and was thirsty and needed water. I decided to teach a lesson about being uncomfortable because of your own actions. I told him that he’d just have to get a drink at school and that he’d have to feel a little cold today because he didn’t get his uniform together in a timely manner and that every time he feels cold today that he will have a chance to remember that if he had gotten things together on time that he’d be warm.

Harsh? Maybe! But I’m betting he’ll think about it. And for all of you who are thinking what a mean M.O.M. I am……we live in San Diego for goodness sake! It’s not like he’s in Pittsburgh fighting snow in a tee shirt!

So, lesson #8 is that as a parent, we must remember that it’s our job to continually guide our kids through the tough lessons of life. Ultimately we will be building a stronger future for our little ones.

Have a great day~

Yesterday, my adorable 6 yr old needed to practice her spelling words for her test on Friday. Her assignment was to write each word 3x and then to bring the list to me so we could practice. After she finished writing the words and I started to quiz her, it became clear that she needed more practice. I told her to take the list, say each word, spell it and then say it again and when she was done to come back to me and I’d quiz her. After a few minutes she came back. I started at the bottom of the list and asked her to spell the word. She looked at me, said that I was going out of order, ducked into my bathroom for a second and then came out and spelled the word. When I asked the next word and she, again, ducked into my bathroom, I asked her what was behind her back. She showed me her hands and spun around in a circle. But you can’t fool a M.O.M. THAT easily! I told her to get in my bathroom and pick up whatever she’d dropped on the floor. She came out with a small piece of paper that had each of the spelling words written in tiny writing on it. A cheat sheet!!!!!

I was shocked!

At 6 years old, she’d figured out how to cheat on a spelling test?! I know that my younger kids pick up older kid habits from their siblings, but I’m quite sure this wasn’t something her sisters taught her!

Lord help me in the future with this kiddo!

Doing the Dance of the Children with a Stunned Look and a Missed Step~

After the busyness of Thanksgiving, Clay’s retirement & all the prep and celebration for and of Christmas, I decided I needed to take a few days to breathe deeply, sleep in, watch movies, visit with family and friends and work on the computer-all very good ideas. But somehow, within an hour of walking out the door, I get the clarity that doesn’t happen in the house in the middle of Doing the Dance and suddenly I have a zillion ideas of how I want to do things better. I can think of all the ways in which I want to better focus on my kiddos and all the books I want to read to them, all the stories they tell, that I want to better focus on, all the fun things I want to do that we haven’t gotten to. Then I get to where I’m going and all I can think of is getting back so I can start putting into action all my wonderful thoughts.

REALITY-

I walk through the door after a couple days gone and have every intention of beginning all these wonderful, motherly things and I begin to pick up the items that I don’t want to trip over, start a load of laundry, ask someone why they’re upset, tell kids to stop arguing, start thinking about the prep of whatever meal comes next, get asked to drive someone to wherever they need/want to go…

It’s so much easier to be a better M.O.M. when the kids aren’t actually involved!

Doing the Dance of the Children With Great Ideals in My Head~

This is how my morning started. I’m noticing a frustrating pattern lately of the dish-doer in the house, simply not doing them. It’s actually been going on for some time, but in the last couple of months that Clay was home, he would just roll up his sleeves and do them. Now that he’s away, I’ve been waking up, heading into the kitchen to start making the lunches and put on the coffee and finding that I need to spend a great amount of my morning time, getting enough dishes done so that I can actually work in the kitchen.

This is NOT OK!

Every one of my kids knows what their chores are. They know exactly what’s expected of them and what the consequence for not doing their chores is supposed to be. But lately I’ve run into some snags. The older kids (getting older all the time) have different schedules and responsibilities than they had in the past. Now there are intense sports schedules, jobs and high school homework to consider. It all makes the “cut and dry” rules and consequences void. But unfortunately that leaves me to pick up the slack. I find myself caught in a spiral of trying to get 3 teenage girls to see that we all have to work together or it’s all going to fall apart. When they don’t do what they are supposed to I’m finding it more and more difficult to enforce consequences.

But I can’t do it ALL! I’m spending an hour each morning just picking up the slack that they left. I wake up, switch the laundry, start a new load, wipe down the kitchen counters and stove, sweep the floor, unload and reload the dishes, before I can then start MY work of making the lunches and the coffee and then hoping to grab a shower before the 3 teens jump in.

I need a new system! Something’s gotta change. With a household of this size, it’s simply not feasible for 1 person, even if I am M.O.M. to get this all done. And frankly, I shouldn’t be expected to! I’m out of the house for most of each day, with work/errands/picking up and dropping kiddos off. If these older girls don’t get back into a good routine of helping out I’ll never be able to get the extra things I’m supposed to do, done.

I still have decorating and shopping, wrapping, card writing and lil kiddo cuddling that needs to happen.

I’m asking for your suggestions on how to get busy teens to understand that home responsibilities need to be a priority for everything to run smoothly (like it always has in the past). I also need a new set of consequences because frankly, mine aren’t working.

Doing the Dance of the Children and Looking For Some New Steps~

This is the motto I’ve had to adopt if I’m going to be any sort of kind, caring, giving mother. I have 3 teenage daughters in the house and a host of little ones with sticky fingers. I’ve had to learn that if something is REALLY important to me  I have to find a safe hiding place for it, carry it with me or let it go. Nothing is safe!

This morning I went to grab my camera off of my desk to snap pictures of my birthday boy opening presents and discovered it was missing, only to be told that it was probably left on the floor of my 16 yr olds friend’s car. Of course it was! I knew I was getting lax by leaving it on my desk instead of keeping it in my purse. This in only 1 example. I’ve spent the last 2 weeks creatively trimming up my eyebrows to keep from looking like Chubaka’s sister because my tweezers “disappeared”. Then there’s the eyeshadow that the girls asked if they could use for Homecoming that’s been sucked into the void of “I don’t know where it is”. Should I tell you about my Clinique products? The eye makeup remover that seems to disappear at a rate that’s 4x faster than it should be? The face lotion that is constantly needing to be refilled? And how ’bout my laptop that was constantly borrowed to “do a paper for school” but was always being found on the floor of my daughters’ rooms? Can you believe there have even been times I’ve taken the cord from my desktop computer and kept it with me so that my computer wasn’t messed with?!  And people wonder why I carry a bag the size of a small apartment!

I’ve had to really think about all these things and decide what’s important to me. I guess I can share my facial products without too much grumbling, but when I’m losing items that I purchase to make my life easier or keep things the way I’d like them, it makes me angry. I want my kids to remember me as a mother who was giving of herself and who taught them to be kind and to share, but where’s the line? Do I REALLY need to put a safe in my bathroom to lock up my extra change, make-up, “beauty” tools and pieces of technology that are important to me?

Unfortunately it looks like we’re moving in that direction!

Doing the Dance of the Children and Feeling Like a Miser~

“Max! Stop blowing that whistle in the car!”

“No! You can’t watch a movie before your homework is done.”

“You can absolutely NOT jump off the roof onto the trampoline!”

“Take your food to the dining table.”

“You MUST be strapped into your car seat WHENEVER you are in a car-ANY car!”

“Get back here and put on a helmet.”

“It’s too dark to bike/walk/skateboard to Mr. Frosties/the beach/the pier/7-11/your friend’s house”

“No you can’t drive! You don’t have a license!”

“Get out of bed! It’s a school day and you’re not throwing up/burning up with a fever or bleeding.”

“Put shoes on before you ride that bike!”

“Sorry, no cupcakes for breakfast.”

My 18 yr old has been home for almost 2 weeks and after hearing me continually repeat these (and other) phrases to him and his siblings, he turned to his younger brothers and declared, “Mom is just no fun!”.

That’s me! No fun! I guess he forgot.

Doing the Dance of the Children and Trying to Keep them Alive~

“Mom, is Santa real?”, “Mommy, is there REALLY a Santa Claus?”, “Mom, what’s the truth about Santa Claus?”, “Mommy who was the REAL Santa?”, “Mom, was Santa a real man?”

All us mommies have heard these questions. I know I asked them when I was little and I was always given the story of the North Pole, Santa and his reindeer and all the elves etc. When I became a mom I made the decision that I would tell my kiddos the truth of Santa from the beginning. This morning Gabi (6yrs old) came into the kitchen and asked, “Mom what’s the real truth about Santa?”. And for the umpteenth time, I gave this answer;

Saint Nicholas was a REAL man that lived a long time ago. He was born into a family with a lot of money and when he got older he really, really did put gifts into shoes. He died a long time ago and is now in Heaven with Jesus and together they help us get presents on Christmas.

I’ve given this exact same explanation to each of my kiddos over the years. I’ve never changed it. I’ve never woven tales of toy shops or flying reindeer, but it hasn’t stopped my little ones from excitedly exclaiming that on Christmas Eve, they’ve spotted Santa and his sleigh’s lights flying overhead. What are you gonna do?! I don’t take away their excitement when they say these things, but when I’m asked, I give the same answer. Heck! Look it up! You can actually find the real history of St. Nicholas, so why not share it?!

I let them have their magical ideas but still give them the truth. So far it’s been well received and I’m happy to keep giving the answer.

And by-the-way, when I’m asked about the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny I simply say, “isn’t it fun to believe in some things that seem impossible?”.

Doing the Dance of the Children and Trying to Keep it Real~

So, the surprise of having my oldest 2 kiddos home for the weekend has come and gone. Kateri went back to school Monday night, but JJ (or Clayton and he now prefers to be called) is sticking around for a little while. Though, he’s quickly becoming disenchanted with being home because everyone’s gone during the daytime and it’s a flurry of homework/chores/noisy kiddos/bathtime/dinner/grocery shopping in the afternoon/evenings. We can not presume to live up to European travels and leisure or the excitement and feeling of brotherhood that St. Gregory’s offers. But hey, I offer hot showers, clean clothes, hot and tasty food and an occasional good laugh. It’s all I’ve got, but he’s welcome to it, as long as he’d like to stay. He’s already talking about where he might find his next roving adventure. This is how it will go until next Fall, when he’ll settle back into being a full-time student.

It was interesting for me to be out with my big kids. I needed to go to Costco and 3 of the girls and JJ-oops, I mean, Clayton decided to come along for various reasons. Clayton wanted to get some driving practice in. There was no need for him to get his permit and license while he was away at school, but now, at 18 yrs old, it’s probably a good idea. So, I did something I NEVER do-NEVER. I let him drive. As nerve-wracking as it was for me to be letting him drive, let’s look at it from his perspective-Let’s see, Mom in the passenger seat next to him and 3 of his opinionated sisters in the back seat. The poor kid couldn’t drive slow or fast enough, couldn’t brake too soon and certainly couldn’t turn on his blinker at the proper time.

It was really a learning experience for me, though, because here I was with these “Big Kids”, 2 of which have been out of my house for the last 4 years and yet, I was still in demand as a vital part of their teaching process. It got me thinking about how we really ALWAYS need our parents. Granted, we don’t always WANT them, but who among us hasn’t picked up the phone, sent a text or an email to ask our mothers for a favorite recipe, tips on laundry or what a baby’s particular cry might mean? Who hasn’t called to ask Dad why the car might smell a certain way, sound a certain way or drive a certain way? I realized with great clarity the truth of being a parent. It’s for always! From the moment you find out that you’re carrying a new life, until the moment you die, your kids are going to need you. What’s this notion I sometimes hear about it all being over when they turn 18?! Sure, they might move out or head off to school, but they’re never really gone. They often find reasons to pick our brains for the knowledge we’ve learned in each phase of our lives. ~sigh~

It was really good to have everyone here and to do this job of mine to the fullest. I love having everyone around me and look to the future, knowing that the number of people and lives that will be brought into my home will be ever growing. A great thought!

Doing the Dance of the Children-Forever~

What a full day!

The kids woke up early and were anxious to get on their costumes and get to school for the carnival. I ended up with 4 Sailor Scouts, Superman, a Mad Scientist and Mark Surge-A Lego Hero Factory Character and I was Minnie Mouse.

Everyone had a great and tiring time at the carnival and I want to say THANK YOU to our good friend, Maria for making the girls’ costumes! Over the years, she’s made so many costumes and dresses for my kids that she deserves a public round of applause!

My high schoolers collaborated with friends and they dressed the part of the Sailor Scouts and Tuxedo Mask, from Sailor Moon.

Everyone was so cute!

When I left the preschool carnival and took Luke-Xavier over to the big carnival at the main school, I started to look around for Gabi. I wondered if she’d be ok, wandering around and checking out all the booths. All the kindergartners were over there, but I was just nervous that she may not find what she wanted to do, or know to go get her drink and snack, etc. After I stood in line with Luke-Xavier for a few games, I finally saw Gabi. She was with Tristan (my 5th grader) and a couple of his friends. Tristan was holding her gloves and goodie bag for her and they were all making sure she had gotten her snack and that she was having fun at all the games. I was so impressed and proud! These 11 yr old boys were kindly helping a 6 yr old girl and when they saw me, they didn’t run over and ask me to please take her, because they’d been taking her and could they please just go around together now and not have her tagging along! It was one of those parenting moments where you know your kids are going to be ok. That somehow all the times you’ve gotten after them for being mean to each other or not helping each other have actually made an impression on how they think. Not once did Gabi come looking for me or did the boys walk away from her! Everyone had a great time.
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After we got back from the carnival and picking up the high schoolers, I asked if I could, please lie down for 1/2 an hour. About 10 minutes into my rest came *knock, knock, knock*. It was Gabi. Very calmly, she said, “Lex is playing with fire”. When I opened the bedroom door, I could smell that something was burning (or had been burnt). Sure enough, there was paper on the floor that was completely blackened and there was a scorch mark on the floor! I told Gabi that this was EXACTLY the right time to tattle!

I had a talk with Lex and this was his 4 year old thinking-”I caught the paper on fire and I tried to blow it out, but it kept coming. So I thought I needed water, but I couldn’t reach it and I knew I needed to yell out for an adult, but I thought I’d get in trouble”. I pointed out that he ended up in trouble anyway and that whenever there’s trouble or something scary that he needs to “yell out” for someone.

Scary!

Doing the Dance of the Children and Feeling Proud of Gabi and Tristan’s Decisions~

Tristan woke, saying his throat, “feels like someone pulled it out, sun-dried it, put it back in and stuffed it with knives”. Wow! Descriptive! But I made him take 2 vitamin C, get dressed and go in to school with the rest of us. Within 10 minutes of getting there, his temp was taken and we were on our way home. I was able to get him a Dr. appt. for this afternoon.

This means I will have a few hours at home, with just a kiddo in bed and am able to jump into some cleaning! Please tell me that you mommies understand the excitement I feel at having this time to try to get things done.

I’ve loaded up the dishwasher, switched the laundry, removed the chairs from the dining room, swept and wet Swifter’d the floor, wiped down the kitchen counters and am prepping tonight’s and tomorrow night’s dinners. I think I’ll have time to wipe down the dining table, get a new tablecloth on it and then go to get Luke-Xavier from preschool. Then I’ll have a little more time to tackle a few things before it’s time to leave for the Dr.

I’m a little giddy!

I’ve loved working in the preschool, but it really diminishes the time I have at home. I was a stay-at-home mom for 16 years and so many little things that I would do around the house in the daytime hours, are now left undone. I’m certainly not happy that Tristan is sick and I hope he can go back to school tomorrow or that Clay can stay home with him, if needed, but I AM happy for this time within the walls of my house!

Doing the Dance of the Children on a Sick Day~

I can’t remember a time when I simply put up a link to another person’s blog as my post, but this one is TOTALLY worth sharing! I think you’ll agree.

Stark. Raving. Mad. Mommy.-Top 10 reasons basic training prepared me for motherhood

Doing the Dance of the Children and Wondering if I Should have Enlisted~