The last few days were full of uncertainty and decision making. It was time to hand the gas-guzzling 15-passenger van over to be sold but that meant I would have only my VW Passat. There were 2 problems with that-It wasn’t running properly and it didn’t fit myself and the 6 kiddos that I have at home. I had NO money for a downpayment on anything and NO money to fix the VW even if it was what I was going to have to drive. On the first day of the uncertainty/decision making the decision I made was to curl up on my bed, cry and take a nap. Hey, at least I made a decision! Day 2 is when the work began. 2 of the most beautiful, loving, hardworking friends you could ever ask for started asking me questions. Real questions, like-what do you owe on each vehicle?, what is the VW worth?, can you get any $ for a dowpayment?, what are you looking to drive?. You know, the stuff that makes you actually start tackling a problem and finding out what you can and can not do. Once I started gathering information I realized that I had the title to the VW and (as long as I could drive it to wherever I needed to get it to) I could trade it in. Then out came computers and Iphones and the search began. After looking and talking and visiting dealers, I came away with a 2010 Town & Country that seats 7, with a warranty that will keep my mind free of worry. I had someone by my side who knew all the things I do not and who offered moral support when I needed it.
As I signed a zillion papers the tears started to flow. I just bought a car! Me! In MY name and with all the things I decided were important to have for my kids. I am now completely responsible for this vehicle. It scared me and made me proud at the same time. One more step to knowing I’m ok-to knowing I can do what needs to be done and that I have a loving support system to hold my hand and pat my back and help me heal and be whole. It still chokes me up! How did I get to be 40 yrs old, have 9 children and not know what I was capable of? I am thankful EVERY day for all the beautiful, strong, encouraging people who surround me each day and have helped me lay the stepping stones on this path I’m walking.
With faith, love and trust I will continue to find out that I am strong, whole and entirely capable of all that needs to be done to get my children successfully into adulthood and myself into living the life ahead of me, fully!
Doing the Dance of the Children~
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